Best friend says he has a crush on me (for years) but I don't feel the same?

[Twisted_Juliet]

Hi everyone, this is my first post and I'm aware of the length of it, sorry, but I'd more that appreciate your feedback. Please read on...

Years ago (in highschool) my friend "C" used to be my best "guy friend" and we had a great fun friendship, he always had my back and I his, we were so close that we could fight without really getting mad at each other. Back then my other friends joked about me and him, but to me it was nonesense and he didn't say anything about it. Junior year he transfered to a different school which was hard on me, I missed him terribly but nonetheless we stayed friends and hanged out after school. It was in that same year that i met "R" another boy our age who quickly grew on me and soon we were officially bf and gf (parents approval and all) I loved "R" like I've never loved anyone before or ever since, but the funny thing is that as much as I loved them both (in different ways) "C" and "R" couldn't stand each other, it got to such a ridiculous point in which they'd literally take turns to visit my house and as soon one stepped in the other will leave in seconds.

Fastforward 6 years after highschool we've all moved on, right after graduation I moved away from my small town and never went back again, not planning to either, that was the main reason of my break up with my now ex bf,"R" who hates my guts (but that's a whole other story) then my friend "C" in the other hand has been unconditional after all this time and he still remembers to call me every single year for Xmas and birthdays.

Now thanks to facebook we're talking again, not just with"C" but with other classmates from hs too ("R" is in my friends list but we just don't talk) I thought it was all good until "C" brought back the school days and told me how he had the biggest crush on me back then and how angry he felt when I started going out with "R". I laughed and said it was ok, told him how everything happens for a reason. At the beginning he wouldn't let it go, he'd asked me if I ever "liked" him, I told him the truth, back then I thought he liked one of my friends and I knew she liked him, that meant he was out of reach and I was ok with that. After laughing some more we agreed to stay friends and just let the pieces fall were they may. Honestly I thought nothing else of it, and we kept talking and he'd call me and i'd call him too, this happened for two more years but now he tells me that he dreams about me quite often and he also keeps asking my other friends wether I talk about him or not, my friend thought I was lying to her when I told her "C" is only my friend, like always.

It makes me uncomfortable because I don't think he is over me yet, I mean he is single and I'm single as well (very confortable and not in a rush to change that) i love him very much but just as my precious silly reliable friend and i don't want to hurt him, I couldn't do that, he deserves better.

So my dilemma right now is to figure out what to do. What do I tell our mutual friends without making "C" look like dork?*How do I explain to him that he is my friend and as much as I love him I can't see him as else.

[Dolmetscher]

First off... I can identify with the small town, and the getting out, and never going back. More power to you on that one! Atta-girl!

There are a coupe of red flags that shot up during your post, that I wanted to talk about. And please, remember that this is just my .00002 cents worth. This sentence, "...my precious silly reliable friend." There is your culprit right there. You could have saved that entire post, and just written that. You are inexperienced. Not in a bad way. Not in a judgmental way. Just in an honest way. You have not dated enough "R"s yet. I think that every girl has to do it. You have to date some duds.

Some girls don't do it. Some girls marry their high school sweethearts, and spend pretty much the rest of their life wondering what it was like to be with ol` what's his name. And they either have bad marriages, or they can fake it, and just surpress their natural desires for the sake of stability or whatever. Some girls dive right into dating losers right out of the gate... and then... around age 28-30+, they have had their asses handed to them so many times, they finally just take refuse in a kind and gentle man that is actually capable of caring for her.

You don't seem to be ready for that. And, I wouldn't even fault you for it. If you aren't into him... you just aren't into him. I am the LAST person that would suggest "going for it" with a guy that you aren't into. You will treat him like crap... and YOU know it. So, all that being said... my advice is, stop over thinking. Go with your gut, until your gut finally gets smart. As far as advice about what to actually do... unfriend "R" on Facebook; stop being retarded. And just tell "C" firmly, and matter of fact'ly, and stick to it. Only a real genuine, through-and-through @$$hole would send him even the slightest of mixed signals. What is a mixed signal? Anything that isn't 100% clear. Call him by his last name. Call him "Buddy" a lot. NEVER respond to a text message that sounds flirty... and I mean DO NOT RESPOND; I do not mean, write back something like, "You're so crazy." Anything other than, "Old buddy, old pal... " is going to be taken as a mixed signal. Guys are like heat seeking missiles; we only see what we want to, and we constantly will try to see hope that just isn't there. It will never end... unless you end it.

And trust me, hurting the HELL out of "C" today, is much better than a few more years of killing this kid. In fact, I would probably stop seeing/calling/doing anything with "C" until you are emotionally mature enough to not even have to ask these types of questions on an internet forum.

Some of that may have sounded harsh. I will admit, I do not know you, or your full situation... but he fact that you can call him, "...my precious silly reliable friend," and still not be all about him... you are the most dangerous thing in the world right now for that young man, and I owe it to him as a man to ask you to be an adult, and leave him alone.

[bulrush]

They say if you get involved with your best friend, love will follow. They also say that you should marry your best friend, because that's what really counts. Emotions and passion (another emotion) are nice, but those eventually fade, to be replaced with what? Emptiness? Or the fact you can count on your best friend (and lover)?

So, what do you want to end up with in life? Emptiness after the passion is gone? Or a best friend? How many duds will you date until you figure out a best friend is really what you need, is really who will be there for you in good and bad times?

Why not date him a bit and see if chemistry develops? What's the harm? You have a long life ahead of you.

Some girls dive right into dating losers right out of the gate... and then... around age 28-30+, they have had their asses handed to them so many times, they finally just take refuse in a kind and gentle man that is actually capable of caring for her.

Er, not in Michigan. Michigan girls don't figure this out until about age 40. I'm not judging, just saying, that's been my experience.