Alright, first I’d like to say hey to everybody here, this seems like a nice board to kind of just let my thoughts out so I already appreciate that you opened this up to read this.

Here’s the story: I met this girl a year ago, first time we hung out we were instantly attracted to each other and tried to start a relationship. Some stuff happened, so we delayed it for a bit but kept talking. I finally made my move in late December, officially became a couple the first week of January. It was a wonderful relationship; I can honestly say that I hadn’t smiled in such a long time, and to me, she seemed to love it too. We were always talking about how happy we were and how we really needed each other in our lives after being hurt so many times before. I can honestly say that I loved the girl (though those words never came out of my mouth until…), and she even said it to me. Yes, she said it first, and seemed to have really meant it.

Theeeeeen disaster happened. One weekend before she went to spring break she got sick, and I spent most of the weekend seeing if she was alright, asking her how she was doing and stuff even though her BBM status said she was busy (note to everybody, Blackberries ruin relationships fyi). Apparently this annoyed her a bit, and the first day of her break she told me that I was a bit too clingy. Alright, I can understand that, I was being a little bit annoying, but I was just trying to see how she was doing, you know? She tells me that she’s going to Jersey for a few days to visit her old college friends. I’m totally cool with it, but then do the stupid mistake of asking her if her ex went to that school…apparently women don’t like being accused of anything, and she got upset with me before she left. So I had that on my mind for two days…and that sucked.

But nothing sucked more then when she came back. She calls me, and says she has been unhappy for a while (even though she’s telling me that she loves me), and that this relationship isn’t working for her. To say I was devastated is being kind. I was confused, heartbroken, and a bit furious. I did the mistake of begging her back at that moment, mainly because I wasn’t thinking straight. We didn’t really make much contact after the breakup, and I’m pretty confident she’s slowly getting back with her ex. So there’s virtually no contact until Easter Sunday. While we were dating we bought tickets to this concert. After we broke up I told her she can keep them, mainly a. she bought them and b. I didn’t want to have to see her to give her money. Well Easter comes up and I text her happy holiday and tell her to have fun. I get a text back a few hours later saying that her plans might be falling through and wanted to know if I can go if her friends can’t make it. Me, being stupid, gladly accepts the offer. Few hours pass by and I just ask for an update, she says sorry her friends were able to make it. I was a little hurt, but then again I didn’t really expect much to happen so I just let things slide and told her to have fun. I’m pretty confident she went with her ex, which kind of has me confused. Why ask me to go if your main guy isn’t able to make it? If I was on the other side I’d be pretty pissed…

Then a few days later she texts me. Alright, time has already passed in the relationship, so I decided to write her a hand written letter a few days prior. Call it stupid or whatever, but I just wanted to tell her that I still missed her and that she was a very special person in my life, and how I don’t really hate her for anything. She finally received and read the letter, and tells me that she’s sorry how the breakup happened, that she hurt me, that I’m such an amazing person and that we’ll always be “homies” (an inside joke between the two of us). So I just smile and text her back the normal and we talk for a bit, have a nice conversation. I tell her not to be afraid to text me and she says the same. A week goes by, and I tell her good luck on her finals which are happening this week. She messages me back “Thanks for remembering <3”, and we start talking a bit again. Apparently her dad had gone to the hospital this past weekend and she had nobody to be there for her, and told me she regretted not calling me seeing how she was crying all weekend. I told her that I’d be there for her if she ever needed somebody, which led to a nice warming thank you and stuff.

We stay in contact for a bit, when the ex (that she got back with) rips her heart out. He cheated on her, and blasted stuff about her on Twitter (really nasty stuff, if he didn't live a state away I would have beat him up). She's devestated, but I didn't really want to jump on that and take advantage. So we kind of talk about everything, I help her feel better about herself, still being her friend. Summer goes by I kind of get annoying (again, Blackberries and BBM ruins everything, which is why I got a new phone) and it's getting noticeable she's ignoring me. I mean, I totally pooped the bed on this one. One day I just spilled my guts and she said she didn't feel the same (as she was still pining over her ex who broke her heart), and that kind of left me where I am now.

I haven't spoken to her in a month and...maybe two weeks, and I'm just really missing her. She has a date coming up with somebody else (it's not stalking if she's posting this stuff on Twitter!), and I just feel like crap. Before I get the "move on" and "meet somebody else" stuff, I have been going out and trying to get with other girls. But I just keep coming back to square one. Her birthday is in a few weeks, and I wanted to send her a Birthday Card, but I've been instructed by my female co-workers that it's a bad idea.

I just don't know what to do, I'm still in love with the girl and believe that we could still be something (I don't want to talk like I have rose colored glasses on, but it really was the best relationship I've ever been in), but I don't want to push her away like I've done twice already.

Sorry if it's a long read, lol...just had to post it somewhere.