How to build confidence for a young man?

[TheAlliance]

Hey all!

As the title suggests, how does a young man build confidence? Right now, I don't have a lot of that, especially as I am unemployed (but even when I was in school, I didn't have much of it)... I've worked very hard over the past eight years, and managed to earn bachelor's and master's degrees from two respectable universities. However, it is becoming blatantly apparent that having a good education is only one aspect of a man's self-worth.

I've always been somewhat of a whimp; physically, I was fat as a teen, and then tall and skinny throughout college; in terms of attractiveness, I am pretty average, never had a girlfriend and have been rejected by four or five girls throughout college; socially, I have very few friends... as I focused so much of my life the past eight years on academics, and I lack social skills to socialize at parties; career-wise, I'm a dud right now, which is really depressing, as a significant portion of my classmates are in high-flying or change-the-world jobs, while I'm unemployed... my dream of becoming a politician is far, far away as I have horrible social skills and am an immigrant.

Two things I've tried the past few months to boost my confidence: Hitting the gym and trying to set more solid career goals that I can pursue with all my heart. However, I still feel extremely isolated socially and vulnerable, especially as I am unemployed... which is just pathetic since I already completed graduate school.

Any advice on how to boost a young man's confidence will be much appreciated. If I get better, I will one day help those in my situation now...

[mwahahaha]

Dude. you have to get out your bedroom, life wont come to you. You have to go and get it.
You sound reasonably intelligent and well educated so its a better start than a lot of people in the world. Youre main problem seems to be a lack of confidence in social situations. The only way this will get better , is with practice. Be brave, join a chess club, go salsa dancing, try everything until you find your place in the world. As for the unemployment, try lowering your expectations a little, even working in mcdonalds is a start and it also will help you meet people, workmates, customers etc. Join a political party, or even a pressure group or charity, the choices are endless. The most important lesson i learned in life, is not to care what other people think of me and never be afraid to fck up. Its not the destination thats its important, its the journey.
Finally, as for your lack of success with the ladies is concerned, dont worry too much about that. Once you get happy and confident with your life, the women will come, even if you think you arnt the prettiest.. good luck dude...

[TheTooya]

mwahahaha's posts hit it right on the nail.

Confidence is not something that will waltz to you, you have to work on it. Go out and join clubs, meet new people, and just talk to people. If you don't know what to talk about, simply ask people about themselves.

Another thing:
Find someone randomly sitting alone, and simply go and talk to them. It will feel weird at first, but you are building confidence by pushing yourself in uncomfortable situations.

Good luck!

[oldskool83]

work on a project, get a new hair cut...best 2 things ive ever done.

[smackie9]

You don't have to be the life of the party, all you need is to have a couple of real close friends. Find a social network, seek out people that have similar interests as you do. Since you want to be involved with politics, do volunteer work and meet as many people as you can. Just get out there and do something productive. As for work you have to be able to sell yourself. Giving yourself a modern sleek look, a firm hand shake and a real sharp looking resume will get your foot in the door. Maybe you will need to relocate. You definitely have to get your ass in gear.

[blent]

You have a masters degree... that's an impressive feat. From reading what you've posted I was able to see many great qualities that you seem to not be paying attention towards. The market today is not at its best right now, many people are having difficulty finding jobs. This doesn't give you an excuse to avoid looking for a job, but its a means of understanding the difficulties you've encountered. We've all been in situations where we begin to feel we are inadequate, the difference between a successful person and an unsuccessful person is how you overcome those feelings.

Take it one step at a time, if you can't get the best job, settle for something lower for now. If you're not used to socializing, get out there and practice socializing. You already know the routine... everything is repetition.

[Lovehelper]

Well one thing that helps me is reading books related to success.... those books are really motivating and boosts confidence. Try it.

[smackie9]

I say join a boot camp that challenges you physically and mentally....how about joining the peace corp.

[dem862]

Set some goals for yourself. What do you want to accomplish daily? In a week? In a month? In 3 months? etc. You will build confidence in yourself by achieving your goals. They should be realistic and quantifiable. They should build upon themselves in a way that will lead to attainment of longer-term goals. For example, apply for one job every day. Talk to one new girl every day. Ask a girl out on a date once per week. If you aren't working, commit to volunteering one day a week. Read one self-help book per week. Help someone less fortunate every week. If a goal is too easy, make it harder. If a goal is too hard, make it more realistic. Take baby steps to get where you want to be. Take control of your life and situation. Don't waste your time in self-pity or being a victim. Create your own luck. Best wishes to you.