Is my man stingy? Want male perspective.

[Leona77]

Ya, I agree with Leona. I don't think it is degrading at all to the woman when the guy pay for dates. It makes him more masculine. Just as I think it makes a woman more feminine if she contributes more effort in dressing up and looking good for the date than he does. I think women should respect men as men and let him pay for dates. I am also the type of person who think women should learn how to cook and is obligated to look her best when she sees the guy. I also think education and career adds substance to a woman but if the man is much lower in his capability in both areas than the woman in the relationship, he losses a kind of masculinity in my eyes. But of course, other people think differently and I think this is a personal choice. If two couples disagree on gender roles, they aren't compatible.

Well, nicely put. Now that you've mentioned it, I agree 100% with you...I guess I'd like him to pay all the time & I could iron his socks or saw his buttons or whatever boring chore my feminine role requires It IS about gender roles after all & mutual agreement...

[Leona77]

I make significantly more than my gf, I pay for the majority of the dates even though she does offer to split the bills and even picks one up occasionally. As a relatively traditional male, I make sure that if I ask her or invite her to do something, I have the cash to cover us both.

That said, it has nothing to do with our incomes, and everything to do with my interpretation of our gender roles. If she made more than me, I'd still expect to cover the dates when we go out.

I believe the OP is fair in being a little annoyed that she is invited to do something, and then told after she would be paying her own way to an event she doesn't care about, but if its the trend in the relationship, than it should also be somewhat expected.

Any intention of breaking up??? lol I'd like to date you AND I will pick up every bill as gratitude for your post ))) lol

[Wakeup]

I guess I'd like him to pay all the time & I couls iron his socks or whatever boring chore my feminine role requires It IS about gender roles after all...

Please tell me that was sarcasm ^^^^

[Leona77]

Please tell me that was sarcasm ^^^^

Of course! WHO irons socks for God's sake??????

On a more serious note, I was only trying to make a point that it's all about personal choice. My personal choice is explained in my first post...which is - balance!

However, I found it brave that Sadie_Genie admitted what kind of role she wants in today's world where women are expected to be strong and independend and are judged if they prefer the old-fashioned role...I have dabated this issue a lot with men I know and I always get pissed off if they think that the woman should naturally fall into that role. However, if a woman CHOOSES to have that role, I don't mind...

[Wakeup]

Of course! WHO irons socks for God's sake??????

lol ...

On a more serious note, I was only trying to make a point that it's all about personal choice. My personal choice is explained in my first post...which is - balance!

Agree... thumbs up to that.

However, I found it brave that Sadie_Genie admitted what kind of role she wants in today's world where women are expected to be strong and independend and are judged if they prefer the old-fashioned role...I have dabated this issue a lot with men I know and I always get pissed off if they think that the woman should naturally fall into that role. However, if a woman CHOOSES to have that role, I don't mind...

"brave" is one adjective to describe it, yes.

Thanks for clarifying.

[TheAlliance]

well, this kind of depends on how much your BF makes too doesn't it? I would give him a break if he were a student, but if he is pulling in a decent salary, I would expect him to pitch in on things like this. In my own experience, I'm unemployed right now so I wouldn't pay $50 for my GF's ticket. Hell, I probably won't pay $50 for myself...

[vashti]

in today's world where women are expected to be strong and independend and are judged if they prefer the old-fashioned role...

.....? "Old-fashioned" women wielded more power than you imagine. They were just more subtle about it, and didn't need to emasculate men to exert it.

[Wakeup]

.....? "Old-fashioned" women wielded more power than you imagine. They were just more subtle about it, and didn't need to emasculate men to exert it.

Yes, in some households that would be true particularily in matriarchial cultures or within the richer homes but "women" in general. I dunno? The wage thing, the job discrimination, the being trapped in an abusive household thing because there were no shelters or social services, the man cheating thing and the woman turning the other way because she had no means to leave him kinda thing. Besides I don't see looking out for equal rights as emasculating the male. "Equal" or "balance" is/are the key word(s).. imo.

[Sonrisa]

this is one of the reasons why these kind of "equal" relationships don't last long. "old-fashioned" relationships is where two are considerate of each other, each other's financial standings and know their roles. is there any romance in splitting bills?

[Sonrisa]

Yes, in some households that would be true particularily in matriarchial cultures or within the richer homes but "women" in general. I dunno? The wage thing, the job discrimination, the being trapped in an abusive household thing because there were no shelters or social services, the man cheating thing and the woman turning the other way because she had no means to leave him kinda thing. Besides I don't see looking out for equal rights as emasculating the male. "Equal" or "balance" is/are the key word(s).. imo.

everything that you have listed still exists: The wage thing, the job discrimination, the being trapped in an abusive household

[Wakeup]

Consideration of each other is important and each couple have to work out what they think is being considerate to one another.

There will always be debates about who pays: Some women think the man should pay, always, no matter what which is fine as long as she is with a partner who totally agrees. Same with the man that thinks it should be equal sharing etc. Then they would be well to find a girl who is cool with that arangement. The problem (I see) is that woman want to be with a man who does not agree to always being the one to pay or, a guy who always wants to pay is with a woman that would like to contribute.

I just find it rather silly that Op was perfectly fine with the way things were until her male friend started to implant discontent in her head and then she was feeling doubt. I say to OP if you want to share a day with your guy but you don't want to pay for the ticket then tell him. If he doesn't want to pay under that circumstance then don't go if not paying is more important then spending time with him. If your male friend has rocked the boat that much, then perhaps you need to weigh things up to see whats more important to you him, paying/not paying or what your friend thinks.

[Wakeup]

everything that you have listed still exists: The wage thing, the job discrimination, the being trapped in an abusive household

Yes, but not to the extent it once was. And no... no one this day and age is trapped in an abusive situation. There are now laws, social services, womens shelters for abusedwoman to take refuge in if they don't have family who will take on that responsibility.. At one time a woman leaving her husband or getting a divorce put her in the Scarlet Letter category amongst both men and women and she had no rights to half the household assets either (even if she did work) so no it's not the same now as it was then.

BTW.. I'm talking about North America here.

[Sonrisa]

i am sure that she wasn't fine and it bothered her before, but she is most likely attracted to him and never had the guts to leave. i wouldn't spend a day with a person like that.

[Wakeup]

i am sure that she wasn't fine and it bothered her before, but she is most likely attracted to him and never had the guts to leave. i wouldn't spend a day with a person like that.

That's good that you know what you will and will not tolerate. If all people were that decisive then we'd hardly have a broken heart amongst us because people would exit stage left when the red flag raises instead of ignoring it and falling in love with someone who they can't tolerate.


Anyway... last thread about this subject you ended up calling me a cunt for my views on the men being expected to pay so I'l agree that we disagree on this topic.

[James Banes]

You know whats funny? OP: Was fine with their arrangement until her friends started interfering and then she started to have doubt. At least that's the way the opening post reads. If you were fine with going dutch before then don't let anyone make you think there is something wrong with it. If you want him to pay sometimes then I think Leona had a great way to see if he reciprocates

*smiles*.. yep, nothing like a male friend to dis your boyfriend.. I'm sure your friend assumes he'd treat you so much better. It's so typical it's down right laughable, really.

Wish I could give you a cyber-handshake. This post cuts to the heart of the matter perhaps than any of the other posts.