Love problem...I feel like I'm alone...

[Antares]

Hi there folks.......I listenned to all my friends...but that just isn't it...I want an objective opinion/advice....so please...read my story...I know it's long, but I really really need help:

I have a GF for almost two years now. I love her deeply and I see her as my future wife and mother of my kids (I'm almost 23 now and she'll be 20 now). We had some problems two months ago and we had really big fights. And then it happenned...I have a female friend from school and we were best friends and one night we were walking and talking and before we knew it, we were kissing. Please...don't judge me just yet...read on...at first I thought it was a mistake...but when I thought about it I realised I wasn't feeling any guilt. I started developing some new feelings for her (the fights with my gf continued) and we started the whole "hidden romance" thing. It's been going on since a week before New Year.
My GF doesn't know about this...I want to tell her...but I can't...I don't have the heart to do this. It's not that I don't want to look like a bad guy.....it's because when her mother was pregnant with her, her father left her for another woman...and her whole life she is scared of being left by her BF (in this case me) for another girl.
I don't want to search for excuses for my doing...I know I'm a pig (I could find even stronger words), but the fact is that I love my GF (please...don't ask me why I did this) and I don't want to lose her.
I'm a guy with principles and I live by some rules and among them is the don't-cheat rule...and I broke it. I feel like cheating myself. In my head, all people who cheat on their partners, deserve to go straight to hell....and look at me now! I deserve that too!!! I would never cheat on my GF...but I did it....I don't know why. My best friend (another female) said, that from what she can tell, I'm not the kind of guy to cheat someone...and that there must be a very good reason why I did this and that maybe I feel something towards my friend that isn't just an affair-like emotion...
It's been almost two months now and not a day passes on which I wouldn't cry. I'm not one of those guys who are full of them selves...I'm a cancer and I rely on my emotions and because of that I find myself crying lots and lots of times. Something inside me is tearing me apart and I thinkg that I won't be able to take it any longer...really

My problem is this. I love my GF, but I'm falling in love with my friend too. I know I can't have them both...I really know that. I don't know which to chose..........hmmm....chose.....I hate this word....this word makes me sick...I feel like I deserve to be alone....I think I deserve to lose them both
Everybody tells me...listen to your heart what it says to you....but my heart is quiet. One moment I am sure that my GF is the right one...but then again I think that maybe I'm just "acustomed" to her and that maybe I don't love her anymore and that's why I cheated on her...but later again I start crying and thinking that I lvoe her so much and that I want her for the rest of my life.
Then again I think of my friend and I love her too....but I'm just not sure. I don't want to make the wrong decision.... I'm affraid...really affraid

Please...don't write to me that I have to chose soon..just write and tell me what you think and some advices would be welcome. I have many friends....but I feel like I'm alone on this world. Here's the crying again
My friend's friends tell her that she should give me an ultimatum....everybody just looks at me as a bad guy...I know I am a bad guy....but still I'd like to hear something warm...something comforting.....I AM doing something bad.....but I still am a guy with feelings....

Help me

Antares

[Viro]

Hey Antares...

Well confession to your GF will stop the emotional war... It would be the best to tell her what happened... The best friend thing, thats walking dangerous roads... i also was in a similar situation a while ago, but i did not cheat... Me and my X where going out for 4 years, and to grow accustome to someone is easy... The secret is if i felt liek i need some time then i would take it, or same for her, then maybe she goes away on holiday with her parents or so, and when she comes back the loving feeling is back...

Now to get to the point, You must tell her before she finds out, then it will rip her apart, instead of you... But how does your GF feel about you now?

The fling with your best friend was a action to a reaction, and yes you are the guilty party, but be a man, and have the balls to tell your GF... Honesty is the way...

What you will do is your decision, but the decision you make will have a major influence on your emotional well being... Get the weight of, tell her what happend, and speak to her about it... Ask her how she feels then tell her how you feel then you both can make a decision together on what to do for the future....

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!

[saverome]

Antares,

It's eerie how similar my own experiences are to yours. A little while ago almost the exact same thing happened to me; I was dating my girlfriend of two years and things started getting rocky, and one night I was talking to one of my best friends (who just happened to be a girl that I had feelings for for a long time) and it came out that we both had feelings for each other, and we ended up kissing a few times and ended up doing the "hidden romance" thing you are talking about. I completely understand what you mean when you say that the worst part is you didn't feel guilty, because I too did not feel guilty. I think the reason is that I had such strong feelings for my friend that kissing her didn't feel wrong, even though I was technically cheating. So, as you can see, I have had a very similar experience. What ended up happening in my case is that I decided I had to tell my girlfriend (trust me, it's what you have to do, if you love her you won't hide it from her because it will only hurt her more later), and we decided that what we needed to do was take a break from our relationship so we could both sort out our feelings separately. That is where we stand right now (it's been about 2 months). It's a chance for both parties to try to figure out how they're feeling, and if you decide that you truly want to be with your girlfriend or if you truly want to try dating your best friend, that is probably the best thing - provided you have given yourself a chance to think about your feelings and hopefully talked to some neutral friends about your situation. I wish I could give you a happy ending, but if you take time to figure out what your heart is saying and then follow it, you'll most likely find your own happy ending! But for now, you need to tell your girlfriend and talk about it, and then act accordingly. I wish you the best of luck, because I truly feel for you. Hang in there.

[Viro]

Saverome...

That is very wise words...

[bluesummer]

I've been the GF on the end of this exact-same story. Do guys do this a lot or something? Geez.
Luckily for my BF he was honest about it with me from day one....meaning from the second he knew he had feelings for her. But he eventually HAD to make a choice, no matter how much it tore him up, because the thing is (and the point you really really have to remember) that you are messings with two peoples lives here. It's selfish. You are putting yourself before them. Prove that you are a nice guy and be honest with your GF. She doesn't deserve this kind of deception.

As side note, if this 'other girl' knows you have a GF already but is ok with getting with you behind her back, then she is nothing more than an immature, insecure little girl you would be better off without. Eventually even my BF began to realize that.