Amount of texting dropped to almost nothing

[JetScreamer]

I don't want this to sound like I'm an obsessed idiot. Well, maybe I am. LOL

I've always been laid back and very confident and rational. Things rarely rattle me. I've never had probs getting girls. They usually chase me, to put it bluntly. But I don't consider myself being a conceited a-hole or a player. I try to actually be a nice & good person. I give my friends (both men and women) 110% of myself and never look down on them and always try to be there for them. For the women I date, I treat them with the utmost respect, courteousness and like they're the center of attention on dates. I open the door for them, and they are always responsive to me being a gentlemen. I'm very relaxed and rarely worry, I play it cool, and I think girls dig that. Maybe the best way to describe my approach would be like "James Bond but with a heart". But I digress...

There's a girl...I'll call her Amy...that I've been seeing for a few months. I think we're really getting serious and have the potential to get to a solid LTR. She's such a cool person and we connect on so many levels...friendship-wise, sexually, romantically and just as all-around companions. We're into a lot of the same stuff. She says she loves being with me and is always happy to see me with a big hug and kiss waiting for me.

After the first several dates we mutually agreed to start talking about our past a bit (I've always heard no talking about exes during the first few dates). Amy mentioned right before me that she was in a quick but semi-heavy relationship with a man that lasted 28 days. She stated that she and this guy would text message each other in excess of 50 times a day and call each other all the time. I've been with some girls before who loved to text this often, and when I was into them at the time I actually liked texting this much. Back to Amy...Just like "that", this 28-day guy dropped her like a hot brick and ceased all communication with Amy.

Amy and I see each other once or twice a week. We talk several times a week on the phone, so it's not like there's a lack of communication between us. She and I at the beginning of our courtship started texting each other frequently, upwards of 30 or 40 times a day. We used to BOTH initiate texts, wishing each other good morning and talking all throughout the day & night, she was telling me she missed me, and so on.

But a few weeks into it her texting completely dropped to almost nothing. After this I would text her good morning and ask her a question at 6 or 7:00 AM and wouldn't get a reply back until 2:00 or 3:00 PM (both of our jobs prevent us from talking on the phone a lot during the day). When on the phone I innocently and calmly asked her, "hey, what's been up?" And Amy replied, "oh I've been really busy lately." And she explained some of the projects keeping her busy at work. I was totally cool with that; I could understand how things can be one's job.

But then last week we met for an early dinner and she asked if I had a car charger for her smartphone. The one for my iPhone was incompatible with hers, and I asked Amy if she charged her phone up every night. She said she did, but she blurted out that she texts and e-mails her family and friends so much all day that her phone dies rather quickly. What, I can ask her questions (yeah they're sometimes frivolous, but other times important) but it's okay for her to ignore me for several hours and e-mail & text back and forth to her friends? I though she was too busy?

Now I don't expect her world to revolve around me and she has a right to chat with whomever she wants. But should I be worried about this? I don't want this to drive me crazy, but I'm starting to feel this way. I'm starting to to feel suspicious and uncomfortable or for some reason that she's not being straight with me.

Should this be of any concern to me? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? I think I'm losing my "cool"! I don't wanna become obsessed...HELP!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Stop texting her every morning. Don't text her just to text her. Text her because you have something to say. Don't have anything to say? Don't text her.


You could also just stop initiating contact altogether and let her chase a little. If she asks what's up, just tell her she doesn't respond so you stopped.

[JetScreamer]

Backup, thanks for the response. I understand the whole "chasing" game. I don't want to appear too needy or clingy or else it might push her away. Yet Amy was just as "guilty" of sending the frivolous good morning texts. But then her texts overall dropped from maybe 30-40 a day & night to maybe 3-4. And I do have legitimate questions and things to say, and on a good day I'm lucky to hear from her by lunch. It's the "texting my friends and family so much that my phone battery dies by 6:00PM" thing that bothers me. And the whole story of the 28-day guy is some concern to me too and makes her current actions sound kinda sketchy. I just feel like I'm getting obsessed for the 1st time in my life!

But I will take your advice and steadily cut down on the amount of contact until it reaches nil.

[JetScreamer]

Does anyone think the lack in texting is a red flag of some kind?

[oldskool83]

I can be, but your gut is your 1st flag for anything

[JetScreamer]

I can be, but your gut is your 1st flag for anything

My "gut" is confused, so to speak.;-) I've never been obsessed or confused about anything like this before. Everything seems fine with her- she's happy, affectionate, attentive and there's never any changes in her mood or personality. There's only the drop in the amount of texting and the whole "texting my friends and family so much that my phone battery dies by 6:00PM" statement.

[oldskool83]

maybe she burned out from texting all day, i mean what else are ya gonna talk about other then what ya already talked about. i use to text my g/f a few times a day, maybe 3-4 times at work. buy my best friend would text me all day long. i didnt see my best friend everyday, i did see my gf everyday cuz we lived together.

[confusedman2011]

JetScreamer, has she given you any other red flags (or even "yellow" ones)? Times when she's mysteriously absent or busy for several hours? Changes not necessarily in her mood, but her activities and routines? Anything new she's been into? Not trying to scare ya, but just trying to get any and all possibilities out on the table. It could just be what oldskool83 said, maybe she's all talked out. If that's the case, and she continues to be loving and happy, then count your blessings.

[JetScreamer]

JetScreamer, has she given you any other red flags (or even "yellow" ones)? Times when she's mysteriously absent or busy for several hours? Changes not necessarily in her mood, but her activities and routines? Anything new she's been into? Not trying to scare ya, but just trying to get any and all possibilities out on the table. It could just be what oldskool83 said, maybe she's all talked out. If that's the case, and she continues to be loving and happy, then count your blessings.

Nothing specific. One thing I have noticed has been the lack of mushy, lovey-dovey texting. It's all very cold, dull, unemotional....it's hard to get anything romantic out of her via texting. She seems to be as loving as one of my male buddies would be...

[sadie_genie]

You must have said or did something to turn her off. You should just be honest and ask her about it.