Relocating and confused

[LovelyLily]

Hi guys. I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and I love him very much. Out of all the relationships I’ve had, he’s the one I actually see myself spending the rest of my life with. I’m 26 work full time, go to school part time and still live at home while paying rent to my parents. He is 27 and works full time and still living at home as well. Where we live it is very hard to afford to live on your own and would be struggling if we moved in our own apartment.

My issue is that I’ve been given the opportunity to buy my own house and attend a good school. The thing is that it’s in another state. Although he says he’s open to the possibility of moving out of state, my boyfriend has expressed that he will not move anywhere other than the general area he’s in now. I would love for him to come with me and start our own lives together but I feel he will not say yes.

Am I being selfish for wanting him to move to another state with me? He would be leaving his parents and siblings, but so would I. I do have a couple relatives that do live close by in the state I want to move to, but we would both be starting a new chapter in our lives together.

I haven’t talked to him about it yet because I’m afraid he will say no and leave me on the spot. I know this conversation has to happen but I’m afraid of the consequences if he disagrees. How should I tell him about this opportunity and how can I brace myself for the negative response?

[MerryH]

Am I being selfish for wanting him to move to another state with me?

Well, no, not really. He's your boyfriend, of course you'd want him to be with you. It would only be selfish if you demanded that he go with you or manipulated him into it through guilt, etc. Maybe what you're really asking is if it would be selfish for you to go without him. The answer is no. It's not selfish to want to improve your life, just like it wouldn't be selfish of him if he decided to stay put.

Just tell him that you have a great opportunity to buy a house and go to a good school and that you're pretty sure you want to take it and you'd really love it if he would go with you. Don't ask for an answer right away. Give him a few days to think about it. And be sure not to let him guilt or manipulate you, either.

I don't know that there's really any good way to brace yourself for a negative response. If he doesn't want to go, then he doesn't want to go. It sucks, but you make choices in life and sometimes some of the consequences truly suck. That's the way it is.

[James Banes]

Just ask him. He'll appreciate knowing you're thinking about him.