New Girl

[taoofpooh]

Hey guys,

I'm in grad school. Met a new girl that is my age in a different department. We met at a party, I got her number. Called her up and went to another party where we danced together all night. We kissed and she went home. Then I took her out on the town on Sunday and we went back to her place and made out but didn't have sex. I saw her throughout this week and we are getting closer. Mid week we are in bed and she asks Can we wait to have sex till the weekend? I said that's fine. She met my lab mates towards the end of the week and they all loved her and she had a great time. Now its the weekend and we went out dancing again at a club. We had sex that night at her place and it was amazing. In the morning I asked her if she was seeing anyone, and she said she was in an open relationship with a guy in another city. I didn't know how to take that so I said we would talk about it later. The mood between us was still completely fine. Yesterday we went to a party together and ended up at my place. This morning we talked some more about ourselves and got to know each other better. I made her breakfast and we hung out till noon, then I drove her home. So far I think everything is going well, I don't want to move to fast, since we haven't talked about dating or being in a relationship yet. She is really independent and doesn't like relying on people. She is also a bit more closed off then other girls I've met, a little hesitant to express herself. I told her that I respect that but that I am reliable and would take care of her. She said that she would end the open relationship with the other guy because of me. However, I didn't ask her too. I don't know how I would feel if she wanted an open relationship with me. At first thought I don't like it. She is really sweet and beautiful and very intelligent and I wouldn't mind starting something serious with her.

What I want to know is how do I proceed with someone who is accepting of and has been in open relationships before. Is there a higher chance of her cheating on me if we decide to go heavy? What kind of things should I discuss with her prior to addressing the question of bf/gf.

[MynameisJesus]

I might be a little harsh with my words but in my opinion " being in an open relationship " is a fancy term for " ****ing multiple guys and getting away with it "
I like it that she told you about it. I hope she'll tell the other guy(s) too. I'm not saying you're good or bad if you can live with that but I could never accept that idea that a girl I'm attracted to is sleeping with other dudes.
Maybe that's because I have issues.

I just wonder. Before you met her she was already in an "open relationship". So there were probably more guys than just this one guy out of town.
Wouldn't you be interested to know about the others?

I am probably the least experienced guy on this whole forum but I believe it is very hard to make a girl with "open relationships" transform into a monogamous girlfriend that will not cheat on you sooner or later.
What is it that you are looking for with her? A ****buddy or a steady relationship?
I guess that's the question you have to ask yourself

[taoofpooh]

I would not be interested to know about the other dudes. I only asked her if she was seeing someone currently. We have no obligations to each other as of yet, so I can't say I don't want you seeing anyone else if you are seeing me. Like I said, she told me she would end it with the other guy. Before I talk to her about getting serious, we will discuss cheating, and we will set some expectations for each other because that just makes things easier. I really love the idea of having someone to come to whenever I want and just be with them. It's all up in the air, like I said I don't want to rush things because I still don't know her well enough. Slow and easy does the trick. Treat a women right and she will give you what you want. If she doesn't want to start something now, I wouldn't block her out of my life, because she is an awesome person. Thanks for your opinion.

[bulrush]

In an open relationship all people are honest about who they are dating or sleeping with. If she can be honest about these things then you can trust her. But what if she gets pregnant and tries to pin it on you?

It's all about what you can handle. If she's honest, she will tell you when she meets a new person so it's not "cheating". If she can't be honest about it, she's not worth keeping around long-term.

In "polyamory" there is usually one couple that is the primary relationship. I don't see that here. I see just an "open relationship" where everyone dates other people.