So confused!

[imissher]

I've been married for 30 years. Several months ago, I started an emotional affair that turned into a full blown affair. I didn't plan on having the affair, but I didn't stop it from happening either. It was a long distance emotional affair that grew over time. Even though I had met her in person once early on, I didn't' even think of an affair at that time. As our friendship grew, I pushed it one day by sharing my feelings for her. She had the same feelings. It went from there. I feel more in love with her each passing day. I could not wait to communicate with her. We both talked about the situation and tried to stop several times.

As for my marriage, I was no longer in love with my wife. We had drifted apart. I still care for her, but see her as a friend more than a wife. She's not a bad person. We talked about our marriage periodically. It was on the road to divorce.

(I've read so many stories like mine, I feel like I'm copying one of them now.)

My wife learned of the affair. Naturally, she was upset and hurt. I wasn't happy about hurting her either. The affair ended. Now divorce was a given. But now, my wife loves me and has forgiven me (for now). I still care for her.

My problem is that I really miss the other woman. I'm still in love with her. I want to contact her so bad, but I know I can't. I worry about how she is feeling. It's very hard me for to not contact her. I also sit here waiting for her to contact me. Neither is likely to happen since I hurt everyone involved.

I've been suicidal, and I'm seeing a counselor for this and the relationship issues. I think that my wife will eventually think more and see what I did, and tell me to leave. If that happens, I can't go to the other woman either. At least I don't think I can, no matter how I feel about her.

Comments / Advice ?

[oldskool83]

your not the guy whos leaving his wife for some 50yr old are ya...if so she just posted on here lol. sorry

[imissher]

No, I'm not. Which post is that? Perhaps I can read it and learn something useful?

[oldskool83]

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/59600-emotional-affair.html[/url]

[imissher]

That's not me. But the lies are the same.

[oldskool83]

why dont you try and make it right with your wife, you might miss the rush of the newish connection with the other woman. i cant saw your a fool because i dont know you and every situation is different. normally when this happens you loose both people. divorce can be stoped, maybe you wife has come to some realization she knows you the best, realizes how hard it might be to share any type of connection as she had with you.

[imissher]

We're working on it. Like a drug, it's hard to let go of the other.

[Dilemma01]

Why can't you go to the other women? She is who you love. Life is way too short to settle and spend it with someone you don't necessarily want to spend special moments with.

[imissher]

I don't think she loves me anymore after my wife found out about us. The sad part is that I will still end up divorced, and I've lost the her as well. I wish I knew if I really had a chance at being with her after the divorce. But I can't contact her since she dumped me after we were discovered. I feel so alone and empty inside without her in my life.

[imissher]

I just read a story on a different website that almost exactly echos my affair and the emotional feelings involved. The affair is like a drug, keeps pulling you back in. Perhaps my "love" for her was of such quality because we hadn't lived a real life together yet. It could have been hell for both of us after a year or so. Or, it could have been awesome. I'll never know. Would it have been worth all of the pain? It doesn't matter now.