He is so horrible to me

[inlove123]

*WARNING* this is going to be really very long! but it's something which is deeply affecting me and i need help.

I am young, only 16. I know most people will think that this is therefore just a crush, but my boyfriend and I are in love. My grandmother was married at 17 and married for 50 years so obviously it can happen!
The background towards our relationship is that we were friends. We started talking online (we are at the same school, he is 17, year above) and we became friends. I was a terrible liar due to something which had deeply affected me to do with my family and I just lied to him, but we were still friends, however I was so insecure that felt I had to make up these lies for him to like me, because he would think less of me if he knew the truth. Around a year ago, we admitted we liked each other. I liked him for the fact he liked me, although I had been having feelings for him for a while, I just never noticed. I messed him about something rotten. I knew I had feelings for him it's just I wasn't sure if i wanted a relationship with him. I went backwards and forwards for a few months, I was scared and wasn't sure how strong my feelings were. We had never even met up! But then in December of last year, i decided i wanted to give it a try and i went and met him and i had a smile on my face the whole time. he was amazing. i felt so ashamed for lying to him and abusing his trust and for telling him i loved him and wanted to be with him one minute then telling him the opposite the next.
While we were going through those I do I dont months with me, I kept doing stuff with other boys. I considered myself to be single and if I had known he would think it was cheating, I wouldnt have done it. I didnt think it was cheating, but I wasnt a very good person then. I believe I lied to him about this as well, though I can't remember too well. Basically, when we got together everything was going great, we were in love and I think it would be fair to say I wore the trousers, mostly. It was pretty fair though. Then I told him about my lies, and he was annoyed but accepting and still trusted me.
By that time I had OCD about things that made me feel guilty. every bad thing i had ever done i would tell. In april, i told him about the fact i had done stuff with other people whilst telling him i loved him. he had known about one thing, but he had still trusted me. but when he found out there was much more to it, he became very upset and called me things like a slut and a bitch, and i believe i deserved it. I didnt realise that i had done anything wrong, stupidly enough. after that everything i had done in that time span came up and i just couldnt live with myself. i hurt him very much and to this day will be eternally sorry for that. i love him so much and i try and make it up all the time. the only thing is he hates me talking to guys now and blows up about it and is vey paranoid about it.

lately though, things have changed. in june, we agreed to try and move forward and he even said at one point things were getting back on track. but now, he is the same as i was. he is horrible to me. we argued whilst he was away on a trip and things havent been the same since. he ignored me, something he never normally did, for a while. we have been on and off this month. he ignored me for a whole week at one point. he kept saying he didnt know what he wanted to do so i gave him space to think about it. he calls me things like a slut and a whore and a rat and ugly and tells me he wants me to die. he has no respect for me even though he loves me. but then again, he kept telling me he loved me then telling me he didnt. i know its my fauly he is like this. today i asked him why he had been walking with 2 other girls and he told me to stfu and die u ugly dog. im not jealous, its just the fact he would not tolerate it if it were me. he is so angry all the time now, i try and bring things up to discuss and he goes in a rage. he is very closed and he wont talk about things and he doesnt listen to me. i love him with all my heart but he puts me down all the time now and is so horrible and unfair to me. i just dont know what to do anymore, i cry all the time over it. i hate how i amnt allowed to speak to boys because he says i am a slut and a tart and cant be trusted, yet he can talk to girls. i dont want to seem selfish, i know what i did was awful. but i want him to treat me the way he used to. he has so much control now and i sometimes am scared of him or how he'll react to certain things. i want the old him back, the one i fell in love with. i dont want to end it though, what should i do?

[Mathias]

You're in an abusive relationship.

Get out. Now.

[inlove123]

Do you really think? I thought he just wanted revenge for what I did because it hurt so much!

[smackie9]

You can't "fix" him, not even with unconditional love, the abuse will still continue. Like Mathias said, get out of this relationship. NOW!

[smackie9]

Do you really think? I thought he just wanted revenge for what I did because it hurt so much!

You are an idiot if you believe that. You are thinking like a girl, he is an abusive guy that has lost control, and it will not stop. Abusers make you think it's all your fault so they can use that excuse for their sh itty behaviour.

[Mathias]

Do you really think? I thought he just wanted revenge for what I did because it hurt so much!

I don't think - I know.

Stop letting him blame you.

[Bo]

You are an idiot if you believe that. You are thinking like a girl, he is an abusive guy that has lost control, and it will not stop. Abusers make you think it's all your fault so they can use that excuse for their sh itty behaviour.

The thing is he has complete control of what he says, he is not crazy. He just has that abusive mentality, he has rationalized why it's ok because of what she did to him. Nonetheless, they are both unhealthy for each other and too young for this shit.

[Bo]

He just sounds like a filthy human being, dump him.

[Superfantastich]

Im surprised you guys have gotten this far, just walk away

[HeartIsAching]

Yes, Mathias is right. Your boyfriend is abusive. Currently it's "just" emotional and mental abuse, but trust me (from a reformed abuser) it doesn't get better, it gets worse. I'm better now, but it took help (two years of individual and group therapy) AND a desire to change for it to happen.

Just walk. What he feels for you isn't love, it's ownership.

[Dilemma01]

Would you feel ok with anyone calling you a slut?? I doubt it- therefore your own bf calling you a slut is NOT OK. I dated a guy for 4 years who was abusive. mentally, physically and emotionally. If someone talks to you liek that and feels they can belittle you- it doesn't change. I know you said you are in love but trust me.. you are young and you will be in love again down the road. If he agreed to try things with you after everything then when you make that commitment to work things out you have the drama and BS at the door to start fresh.

[lizzy-bet]

You do not need to be in any relationship until you learn how to respect yourself and others. You need some therapy girl, abusive or not, no man is going to want a healthy relationship with someone who lies habitually, and this behavior is going to bite you in the ass later on in life. You have everything to live for! Please, please, please get a therapist and learn how to love yourself and take responsibility for your actions, then you'll be ready to share that love with someone else, someone who deserves it!

[mwahahaha]

Americans answer to everything, get a therapist. Its not that easy in some countries. This dude sounds like a tim, ditch the bead rattler and move on.

[lizzy-bet]

Someone who habitually lies and has trouble forming, maintaining, and then leaving bad relationships should probably get some kind of help from an external source. I think that's common sense, the "Americans answer to everything" part is a stereotype, so if that's what you want to believe, more power to you.

[HeartIsAching]

Americans answer to everything, get a therapist. Its not that easy in some countries. This dude sounds like a tim, ditch the bead rattler and move on.

Keep making excuses for yourself MooHahahahaha.