Online dating - How do you start a conversation?

[snow]

I have had a go at online dating a few times in the past without much success. THe problem I find is that messaging girls online is so impersonal as you don't get the body language and signals you would from talking to a girl face to face. Usually what happens is I start by messaging a girl saying something along the lines of "Hey nice profile, how are you" etc etc. If they respond to that message I end up maybe sending about 4 or 5 messages back and forth but with the result being that I am still unsure whether they are interested or not in dating. Could people give their opinions on what they do when online dating, specifically;

When online dating what message to you usually send to start a conversation?
How do you work out if they are interested in meeting you?
After roughly how many messages sent back and forth would you ask to meet up for a date?

[Cerby]

As an online dating veteran, I can give you some insight.

When online dating what message to you usually send to start a conversation?
I usually start with a simple message, comment on something on their profile to prove I did read it, and add some humour as well.

How do you work out if they are interested in meeting you?
You ask them, usually after a few messages

After roughly how many messages sent back and forth would you ask to meet up for a date?
Depends, between 3-5 messages. After that if they're still just interested in just sending messages, just move on.

[george88]

exactly what ^ said. I should have gotten his advice before i started

[bulrush]

For me, I like the women to send me the first message. That shows they are interested. It also weeds out women who are bad at communication, too shy, confused, etc., which is critical for a long-term relationship. Then things go like this:

When online dating what message to you usually send to start a conversation?

I say "Hi, my name is really XYZ. How are you?" I talk about something in their profile, then talk a bit about myself, my job, or my hobbies, or something fun I recently did, a movie I saw. Then wait for their reply to see if they open up and share details about themselves.

How do you work out if they are interested in meeting you?

I don't have ESP so I don't guess at what they want. I just ask. After 3-4 messages I say "Let's meet for coffee at Barsucks, Sat at 1pm." Their reply tells me if they are interested or not. Please note how I phrased the date invite. I suggested to them to meet me somewhere, I did not ask. I assume they will say "yes". That shows confidence.

After roughly how many messages sent back and forth would you ask to meet up for a date?

See above.

[devonbrown]

When online dating what message to you usually send to start a conversation?
How do you work out if they are interested in meeting you?
After roughly how many messages sent back and forth would you ask to meet up for a date?

1) Normally, to start a conversation you can use something they put in their profile, an interest or something they mentioned. Ask a question or two, but don't interrogate her. Avoid talking about yourself a lot. You don't want to come across as narcissistic.
2) I think the only way you can work out if they are interested in meeting you is if you ask. You don't even have to ask as a "date" per se. Maybe after a couple messages you ask if she would like to meet face-to-face, to get the conversation off the computer.
3) This one depends on your level of interest, but I wouldn't make it be too many. The longer you stay in cyberworld, the less likely it is that a relationship will go anywhere.

Wow, I guess this is pretty similar to Cerby's response. But I guess it was good enough advice to share twice.

Good luck.

[snow]

Another thing I have noticed is that the kinds of girls I would have no trouble dating in 'the real world' so to speak, I haven't got a chance with on dating sites. Maybe it's because there is more competition on a dating site than in the 'real world', I don't know

[oldskool83]

Hi, my names aaron. I noticed you like dogs, what kind do you own. I own a (bullshit, pitbull mixed with a shitzsui lol!

somthing like that normaly works. dont be like hey whats up, ya wouldnt do it in person so dont do it in an email. basicly online people are much pickier i feel, some only want the option of attention.

[KingZ]

You man the fu​ck up and step outside, son.

Also this: [url=http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/]http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/[/url]

[Cerby]

Another thing I have noticed is that the kinds of girls I would have no trouble dating in 'the real world' so to speak, I haven't got a chance with on dating sites. Maybe it's because there is more competition on a dating site than in the 'real world', I don't know

This is true, its a buyers market for girls on dating sites. Many of them go on for fun whereas many guys go on because they're desperate. a 5 in the real world is treated like an 8 in the online world. One of my female friends was getting 20-30 messages a day on PoF. When she first signed up she had 20 messages in the first 10 minutes because of her new user status.

Don't take it personally, you have to be that much above the rest with your message to be considered.