I need help!!

**chocomuffins** · 30-09-11, 10:33 PM

Hey guys, let me give you a little information and background myself first. I am a 25 year old Chinese woman who has lived in Australia for almost 6 years. 4 months ago(May 2011), I met a guy through work, he approached me first by sending me emails. We started talking to each other; he took me out for dinners, etc etc. I thought everything was going very well. 3 weeks later (on the 3rd date), I slept with him before he committed, which was really really stupid. I was expecting him to call me as his girlfriend, but he didn’t. In the middle of June, he realised I was very unhappy, according to him, we still needed to get to know each other better before we are in a relationship, which was completely bull****.blah blah blah. As stupid as it sounds, I believed him. I continued seeing him for another 2 months, and course of I was quite frustrated all this time. I could feel he was only using me for sex, but I thought I could turn out to be his girlfriend one day. And later I realised this is only because he is just not that into me!! I mean if a guy is crazy about a girl, he would want to grab her ASAP, wouldn’t he? Anyway, I started ignoring his calls and texts 2 weeks ago, and I am not seeing him anyway.
I am actually getting very depressed these days. I know I got played by him. I am just trying to think, is it all because I slept with him too early, and that ruined everything? Or is it because he just doesn’t want to settle down? A man at his age(33) should be looking for marriage already. I know I have to move on, but I am not very sure which will be the most appropriate way or place to meet my potential husband?

**smackie9** · 01-10-11, 01:19 AM

The only thing you did wrong was pick the wrong guy to date. The only way to know their intensions are good is if they introduce you to their friends as his GF, send time with you doing simple things, like shopping, or hanging out watching tv, meet his parenents, making future plans like trips......

There is no particular age that someone should be looking for marriage....you cannot base someone's interst of marriage based on their age, everyone's relationship expectations are different.

Next time follow your gut feeling, and stop listening to your desire for a husband......look where it got you.

**Wakeup** · 01-10-11, 01:29 AM

I'll add to stop thinking that sex automatically will get you a relationship. You either just enjoy the sex with no expectations or you weed out the guys who are just looking for flings. Those types soon disappear if they are'nt getting sex.

BTW: Did you even have an adult discussion with this man about your dating goals that were'nt being met or did you just avoid him by going No Contact without explanation?

**smackie9** · 01-10-11, 03:15 AM

Expectations are a little too high. Can't expect a guy to plop a ring on your finger after 3 months.....if that is what you expect you are cuckcoo.

**smackie9** · 01-10-11, 03:19 AM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

I'll add to stop thinking that sex automatically will get you a relationship. You either just enjoy the sex with no expectations or you weed out the guys who are just looking for flings. Those types soon disappear if they are'nt getting sex.

BTW: Did you even have an adult discussion with this man about your dating goals that were'nt being met or did you just avoid him by going No Contact without explanation?

LOL I like your other reply better

**Wakeup** · 01-10-11, 04:26 AM

Originally Posted by smackie9

LOL I like your other reply better

What? You mean the one where I say "don't exect your vagina to garner you a relationship?"

**chocomuffins** · 01-10-11, 12:14 PM

Originally Posted by smackie9

The only thing you did wrong was pick the wrong guy to date. The only way to know their intensions are good is if they introduce you to their friends as his GF, send time with you doing simple things, like shopping, or hanging out watching tv, meet his parenents, making future plans like trips......

There is no particular age that someone should be looking for marriage....you cannot base someone's interst of marriage based on their age, everyone's relationship expectations are different.

Next time follow your gut feeling, and stop listening to your desire for a husband......look where it got you.

nope, he didnt introduce to any of his friends at all, His excuse was that I was not ready for meeting his friends. that actually was a sign of a guy was playing you, wasn't it?

**chocomuffins** · 01-10-11, 03:14 PM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

I'll add to stop thinking that sex automatically will get you a relationship. You either just enjoy the sex with no expectations or you weed out the guys who are just looking for flings. Those types soon disappear if they are'nt getting sex.

BTW: Did you even have an adult discussion with this man about your dating goals that were'nt being met or did you just avoid him by going No Contact without explanation?

I gotta admit that I didnt have a proper discussion with him about my dating goals, he blamed me for thinking the worst of him because I think he was only using me for sex. Also he told me that he was actually looking for marriage, but it takes a bit time to get to know the person better first as he didnt want to end up divorcing etc etc. Honestly i think these are all crap, he was manipulating me through these words.

**Wakeup** · 02-10-11, 12:16 AM

Lady, you're crazy if you think a guy is going to ask you to marry him after only knowing you for 4 months. Don't expect that kind of committment from a man and learn to be a little more patient. 4 Months is two minutes in the scheme of a lifetime together. You can't even tell what kind of man he is in such a short time. Look how much you're guessing and speculating about his motives because you hardly know this man at all. Why would you want a man that you don't even know to propose marriage to you. I think at the 4 month mark he could have introduced you to his main group of friends though. That would have given you some indication that he valued you somewhat.

Learn to be more patient and if you're going to have sex early, before your know if a guy values you or not ~ Don't expect to get anything (other than an orgasm, hopefully) in return for access to your woohoooo.

Live and learn.

**smackie9** · 02-10-11, 12:36 AM

Originally Posted by chocomuffins

I gotta admit that I didnt have a proper discussion with him about my dating goals, he blamed me for thinking the worst of him because I think he was only using me for sex. Also he told me that he was actually looking for marriage, but it takes a bit time to get to know the person better first as he didnt want to end up divorcing etc etc. Honestly i think these are all crap, he was manipulating me through these words.

Wow you ARE CRAZY LADY. Like I said there ain't no guy out there that's going propose marriage after only a few months (unless you are smokin hot). The guy is right, I agree with him totally, you need time to get to know someone before even considering marriage, say like for about 8 months to a year and a half is more realistic. But Wake up is right, why didn't you have an adult conversation with this guy before flipping out. Communication is vital for a relationship to survive. You fail. With your attitude you will never find a man to marry you.

**chocomuffins** · 02-10-11, 12:42 AM

Originally Posted by smackie9

Wow you ARE CRAZY LADY. Like I said there ain't no guy out there that's going propose marriage after only a few months (unless you are smokin hot). The guy is right, I agree with him totally, you need time to get to know someone before even considering marriage, say like for about 8 months to a year and a half is more realistic. But Wake up is right, why didn't you have an adult conversation with this guy before flipping out. Communication is vital for a relationship to survive. You fail. With your attitude you will never find a man to marry you.

I am not saying I expected him to marry me at this stage, all I wanted is a relationship after 2 months, I have talked to him twice already about when he was gonna call me as his girlfriend. He was not even committed to a proper relationship all this time. What he said was that it took time to get to know each other before a RELATIONSHIP(a few months). Besides, he was never intented to introduce me to his friends or family. In fact, he was sotra trying to get me out of his house twice because he was going to visit his mates..

**Wakeup** · 02-10-11, 12:54 AM

Then you're better off without him. Learn from this encounter and carry on looking. This guy wasn't the one. No doubt!

**chocomuffins** · 02-10-11, 12:55 AM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

Lady, you're crazy if you think a guy is going to ask you to marry him after only knowing you for 4 months. Don't expect that kind of committment from a man and learn to be a little more patient. 4 Months is two minutes in the scheme of a lifetime together. You can't even tell what kind of man he is in such a short time. Look how much you're guessing and speculating about his motives because you hardly know this man at all. Why would you want a man that you don't even know to propose marriage to you. I think at the 4 month mark he could have introduced you to his main group of friends though. That would have given you some indication that he valued you somewhat.

Learn to be more patient and if you're going to have sex early, before your know if a guy values you or not ~ Don't expect to get anything (other than an orgasm, hopefully) in return for access to your woohoooo.

Live and learn.

I am not expecting him to marry me after 3 or 4 months, I am only expecting him to call me his girlfriend, and introduce me to his friends. Trust me, I am not that crazy as in i wanna marry him only after few months. PS: He didnt even intend to add me on his facebook, and was trying to get me out of his house before he went to visit his mates

**chocomuffins** · 02-10-11, 01:02 AM

Originally Posted by Wakeup

Then you're better off without him. Learn from this encounter and carry on looking. This guy wasn't the one. No doubt!

Do you reckon he was playing all this time? Was he ever serious about me at all? Seriously I was not asking him to marry me after few months, all I wanted is a stable relationship and get him committed and introduce me to his mates

**Wakeup** · 02-10-11, 01:05 AM

Originally Posted by chocomuffins

Do you reckon he was playing all this time? Was he ever serious about me at all? Seriously I was not asking him to marry me after few months, all I wanted is a stable relationship and get him committed and introduce me to his mates

Not sure, he could have simply been dating you legitimately and came to discover that he liked you, but not enough to become serious with you. There will often be times that one or the other likes the person they are just starting to date but they don't seem to be able to get past the "like" and it become "love." There is no point going on any further if you are'nt on the same page as one another. Just learn the lesson about jumping into bed with someone too soon, three dates in three weeks, well you're screwing someone who you don't even know. You take a chance on it going one way or the other. If a man likes you and he's just seeing you (and not multi-dating) then he will want to progress the relationship outside of the bedroom as well as in it. You're an adult so don't begrudge your own sexuality, just stop the expectation that having sex with a man means he loves you. It does not.

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