Guy I was dating told me things got too heavy and vanished...????

[Missy_B]

Ok, let me explain as briefly as possible!
I met a guy through mutual friends. When we met he was in a long-term relationship (4 years). I liked him straight away but discounted him as he was taken. Month later he mentioned to a friend of mine that he was ending his relationship and just so happened to mention he quite liked me. We came across each other at parties and dinners etc, as we have lots of mutual friends and we ended up chatting and emailing. I didn't want to be involved with someone who was taken and so we kept it strictly friends. No kissing, intimacy, dating. I did, however, tell him that if HE didn't want to be with his girlfriend that was HIS decision and he needed to do what HE wanted, not because I was forcing him. I told him that he should contact me if things didn't work out. Needless to say, within a week he had ended things with his girlfriend and was calling, texting, emailing me.
We started dating, going for dinner, drinks. He even started spending the evenings at my flat and we would kiss and cuddle on the sofa. He would text all day and then ring me in the evening to talk. He even complained that I wasn't very 'open' and he always had to make the first move. We were both invited to a party one evening. I was aware that it was still early days after he had finished with his girlfriend (about 2 weeks) and so I never suggested we went together.
He was due to call round mine for a DVD night and didn't call til late saying he couldn't make it. I was a little annoyed and told him so but by no means OTT. Suddenly, he stopped texting. This was after weeks of full-on dating. We hadn't been intimate which is something he had more or less asked for! We bumped into each other at the weekend and he insisted that I hadn't called him either and the lack of contact was not his fault.
We had a chat and he stated that he didn't want a relationship so close to the break up with his ex (it's been a little over a month). He said things were getting to serious and heavy too quickly but that he did like me and wanted to keep talking. We text less and less the following week but did end up turning up at the party together. However, he was very distant with me, keeping his distance. He thawed a little as the night went on and we did kiss and cuddle. He has expressed over and over that he would like to get intimate but I do not do that outside of a relationship. Perhaps this has put him off??
Anyway, he text me the day after the party a few times saying that he owed me a drink (I lent him some money. I stress, not a lot!) and then nothing!
It's been over a week now and I have heard nothing. He even seems to be avoiding our mutual friends! Has he simply gone off me or does he really just need time alone after a relationship??

[Lulu]

He just sounds generally confused. I wouldn't take it personal. Sometimes you just don't know what you want and after a break up your emotions are running wild. He probably wants you, misses things about her and thinks about dating multiple women all at the same time...

[vashti]

It sounds like he needs some time to sow his wild oats, and isn't a good candidate for a relationship right now. It's too soon, and he wants to have some fun first.

[Wakeup]

When we met he was in a long-term relationship (4 years). I liked him straight away but discounted him as he was taken. Month later he mentioned to a friend of mine that he was ending his relationship and just so happened to mention he quite liked me. We came across each other at parties and dinners etc, as we have lots of mutual friends and we ended up chatting and emailing. I didn't want to be involved with someone who was taken and so we kept it strictly friends.

yea, whatever. Frankly I'm sick of all these posts where men and women are crossing relationship boundaries in the guise of "keeping it strictly friends."

Men who cross relationship boundaries by emailing women they like while they are still in a relationship usually are the type that will keep emailing women "they like" after they get with you. If you know what I'm saying (not always of course, but often).

He wants to bed you without committment. Hence why he's now distant. You won't do him unless you're committed. Tell him "see ya." He'll steal your joy if you have sex with him and then he starts dating others plus you.

Don't be surprised if he gets back with his gf of 4 years either.

[Leona77]

yea, whatever. Frankly I'm sick of all these posts where men and women are crossing relationship boundaries in the guise of "keeping it strictly friends."

Men who cross relationship boundaries by emailing women they like while they are still in a relationship usually are the type that will keep emailing women "they like" after they get with you. If you know what I'm saying (not always of course, but often).

He wants to bed you without committment. Hence why he's now distant. You won't do him unless you're committed. Tell him "see ya." He'll steal your joy if you have sex with him and then he starts dating others plus you.

Don't be surprised if he gets back with his gf of 4 years either.

Spot on Wakeup!

He is guilt-tripping you so that you start feeling like it's all your fault that it's not working out...When in fact he is the one who had an emotional affair (or call it ''friendship'' if it sounds better) while with his gf...I am not so sure that he broke up with his gf to begin with....Forget about him and move on