My BF said that he just wants to be friends after what we've been through.....

[nicoley]

My BF and I have known each other for 7 weeks. I know that it was a very short time to establish a relationship, but everything happened so perfectly until last Tuesday when he told me that he doesn't want anything serious at this moment and hope that we can be good friends.

Before the break up, everything was so perfect for us. We were the happiest couple on earth. Everywhere we go, people would look at us and told us that we are the best couple ever seen. We emailed each other 5-6 times a day, each and every word in the email filled with passion and love. I spent every weekend at his place and he will come over to my place every middle of the week. We have a great chemistry and lots of things in common, so we were attached to each other very fast. We even planned to move to another state to start a new life, and next year, he will bring me back to UK (he's a British) to see his hometown and meet his friends. We would cook for each other every weekend, and made love to each other twice a day every time we see each other. He even cleaned up a closet space for me, built extra bathroom storage just to put my stuffs, and always let me sleep on his side of the bed. He even made a copy of his house key for me.

After 2 weeks of dating, I confessed to him that I love him. He said "Really?" and asked me that wouldn't it be too fast to say I love you after 2 weeks?

But, on the 4th week, he had to undergo a rhinoplasty surgery, and due to that, he was resting at home for 2 weeks straight without getting out from the house. I committed myself throughout the 1st week of his rest by staying at his place and took care for him. I even took 2 days off on the 1st day of his surgery as he was bleeding and couldn't walk properly by himself. I took him to the hospital, drove him back, cooked for him and cleaned for him for the first week. He felt touched and on that week itself, he told me that he loves me. He told me that he had never have a woman in his life that treated him so nice before. He even asked me not to leave him and promised him that I will be with him forever.

After the recovery, things change rapidly. He was never that sweet anymore, and he seems to get agitated easily and always tried to closed himself from me even we are together. One Saturday morning, he told me that he was not ready for anything serious right now, and wanted us to become friends first and slowly get to know each other better. I asked him why he changed all of a sudden. He said that we've been spending too much time together, and that was not healthy for the beginning of the relationship, as he couldn't do his own routine things anymore. He knows that I am everything that he wants. but he just not ready to commit to me 100% yet. I told him that we shouldn't give up on each other, instead work it out to make things work. I agreed to give him more space by not seeing each other too often and also cut down on the emails. He agreed, and we resume back to our bf gf status.

The following Tuesday evening, he called me and said he wanted to break up with me. He said he already packed up all my stuffs and will be driving over to my place to drop off my stuffs, and also have his house key back. I was so shocked by all his sudden change. We had a deep talk at my place. He actually got a divorce back in April from a 7 years marriage (which I knew), and he said he was still not over the divorce yet, and it's not fair to drag me along. He also said after the 2 weeks stay at home, he got really depressed and haven't been feeling good since. He needs to focus fully on working with himself to get back to normal mode, thus, he can't commit to me right now. I asked him what happened to all our plans that we discussed in the past and his "i love you"? He said that he didn't lie to me. That was how he felt during that time, but now he feels differently. He also told me that he wants to go back to UK as he miss his family there, and probably won't be coming back to U.S anymore. He keep on saying that he is not as good as what I think of him (as though he was really trying to convince me to get over him). He also said that he can't promise anything to me now about our future, but he would really hope that we can become good friends.

I felt really devastated by his sudden change. He said that he knows that I truly love him, and I am everything he wants, but how could he still treat me this way? How could someone be so perfect in the beginning and broke down all of a sudden? I agree to become his friend. But, what happened if he really going to leave U.S one day and never comes back? We haven't talk to each other since, and I've been crying every night since. I really miss him and all the time together with him.

I really want him back. Please help.

[scott green]

Sounds like he's not ready for anything heavy after a divorce, and you're being too heavy when he has enough to deal with after coming out of a marriage. I can understand that. He needs space, and not a serious relationship at this time, and from the sounds of things he was freaked out that you were moving too fast, when he's just getting out of something really serious and he's not in the correct frame of mind to just jump straight in again feet first.

[Tanguerra]

Yes, I agree. Just 'be cool'. Back off a little bit and give him some time to think about it, process all the drama that's going on in his life at the moment (!) and miss you. Just get on with your life for a little while and let things cool down. If it's meant to be, he'll get back in touch with you before long. Try not to freak out or do anything that will put him off permanently. Show some respect to him and quiet down your own fears that you have 'lost him' forever, he's going to leave the country, etc. etc. Say to him (and/or think to yourself) 'That's cool. I think it's good we take a bit of a break and take a breath and think about things.' 'Love' is a big deal and yes, seven weeks is not really long enough to really know if it's 'love' or just intense attraction. Try to be more relaxed about the whole thing. Can't hurt?

[nicoley]

I'm confused. I did know that he got divorced in April after the 1st week we were together. So, I asked him that if he is ready for anything serious. I asked him to really think about it, and even told him if we should slow things down. He replied back to me that he was serious about me, and he was over the divorce. He said that everything was so perfect now and didn't want anything to stop. So, if he doesn't want anything heavy, why would he say such thing to me?

[nicoley]

Thank you for your advice.

What do you mean by doing anything that will put him off permanently?

We are going to a show tomorrow together. He still want me to go, and I want to go too because we are going to see our favorite band plays. It wouldn't do any harm, right? Or, if I cancel now, would that make him respect/miss me more?