Should i reply back to his message?

[help_me]

me and my guy friend made a plan to go for an event (it was a dance event so u need a partner) ... and he re-confirmed that he would be going.i got all the preparations done.now at the last moment he backed out coz he wanted to meet his date. and i had earlier told him not to backout in the last moment coz i hadnt asked anyone else. since he didnt come my whole plan got cancelled. he went ahead with his date and later sent me a sorry message, saying "hope u are not pissed". i am totally pissed off at him for ditching me at the last moment. now i am not sure sud i reply back to his message or just ignore it.

[oneandonly]

That's not cool at all. He was very disrespectful. You two already made a plan together. He could have gone on a date some other day. Let him know you are well pissed rather than ignore him. That's okay. Friends get pissed with each other - nobody is perfect.

[help_me]

well i will add a bit further....we had been to a concert the previous night and the moment we got together he was like my date wants to meet me (she was supposed to be out of town). i said ok fine u can go now bt dnt ditch me tomorrow for the party... he was like, she wants to meet me tomorrow and u already have others to go with u. i told him he sud not ditch me, if he wants he bring he date along if he likes. bt he already telling me doesnt want to go... i told him if he ditches me in the last moment i wasnt speaking to him again..... and next day he asked me if he cud skip, to wich i said its ur wish... since i didnt had a partner to go with i cancelled the entire plan.

[GirlOne]

I would finish it with him, whether you tell him the reason or just blank him is your wish.

The reason: you already told him before the event that the event needed a dance partner and if he blew you out, you would cancel.

Also, you told him before the event if he blew you out, you wouldn't speak to him again. So the risk of terminating the friendship clearly didn't bother him.

Therefore, in his mind he had to make the choice of meeting his date (which he could have done any other day) or meet up with you. He chose the other person.

Sounds like if you continue with this friendship, he'll do the same thing because he knows he can get away with it. The result will be you feel more bad about yourself and you'll be quietly angry.

I had a similar thing with one of my friends. I decided to fade them out. Life's too short.

[help_me]

thanks ...i am getting a clear picture... coz the other night when we went at the concert... i knew he clearly wanted to go...bt didnt (though i kept saying him that if he wants he can leave)... bt he was constantly messaging back and forth (wihc to say was a bit irritating as we were supposed to be njoying a concert)...anyways after the concert was over we went for dinner... it was quite late at night and his frndz were already there for late night party... i told him i wanted to return as i was tired... frankly speaking as a friend i would have appreciated if he wud have accompanied me till the cab (not sure if its going a bit further bt i do that with almost all my frndz)... he just told me the directions.... it was a bit humiliating... to top that he messages me some time later asking if i got a cab... i am not sure if i over-reacted by i replied back saying he sudnt bother since he never even cared to drop me off.... he just replied back casually saying sorry.... he says we are good frndz bt i am a bit confused if this is frndzship then how do i define being an "asshole".... he is a fine guy and has at time helped me out (the biggest reason is he dropped me home when i was sick after getting accidentally drunk) and i always respected him....and maybe this is a reason why i kept our frndship going (thinking that maybe he will come out as genuine person once he gets on going)... bt i end up feeling crappy...as if he doesnt appreciate our relationship... am i being over-reactive or wat?

[GirlOne]

Oh boy oh boy! I had a similar experience but with another friend. Here's how it went:

She was into a guy friend of mine. All 3 of us were going different directions home after a beer night out. She and I were both drunk. The guy was sober. It was raining and he basically wanted to get home. He lived near her. However, she was drunk and she was asking him/suggesting/making out she was more drunk than she was. Basically she was dropping hints that she wanted him to escort her home or to a taxi/train station, sort of sultry begging mixed up with cutesy Oops. Clearly he wasn't falling for it, although the guy does a convincing job of playing the innocent. Me, as a neutral person could tell he didn't give a **** but he just told her "You can get a cab" and that was it. In the end I walked her home as I wanted to make sure she was safe, as that is what friends do.

His cop-out clause was that once I got her home, me and this other girl got a text from the guy saying "Hope you got home ok, was worried about you" sort of thing. Clearly he wasn't that worried otherwise he would have made sure she got in a taxi, the hour beforehand.

This guy ... he wants his cake and eat it. If he's at a concert and he's texting someone else the whole time ... this is where his mind is ... sounds like he doesn't want to be pegged down in any way. So if you don't mind being blown out at the last minute for better offers, continue with the friendship. Be careful about 'having it out with him' as that might signal the end of the friendship. If you get it off your chest ... he'll just think you're hard work and a hassle, and giving him grief, then he'll be off. Thus it might be better that you just fade him out and find friends who do want to hang out with you and turn up to stuff.

[help_me]

ha ha now instead of being pissed off i am laughing at the situation... no it doesnt means that i am not mad at my frnd... yes i pretty much am and i hope i retain the same ......bt going to to concert was his idea as well... why coz thr other night wen we met i was telling him abt the singer who was abt to perform... he was all so excited and i told him i wasnt going coz i havent found any company... he was almost jumping saying he is all in and how much he admires the singer ..blah blah... well i said ok...then lets go...i even told him to book the tickets..which ultimately ended up falling on me..why coz he didnt know wat my seat pref is (really stupid).. anyways i ended up booking (not to mention that i had to cancel my girls night out...since he was a gud frnd and i too wanted to go for the concert)... anyways re-confirming was a big pain as he was as usual confused....he was like... if u want then lets go else else cancel... it was in the end like me taking a decision and then ordering him to be there on time... and to top that when i confronted his constant messaging saying he clearly likes the girl ...he was like no i dnt..how can u be so sure... he was all like i have a feeling nothing is ever going to happen...then why the **** are u worried abt replying back?

[GirlOne]

Oh Okay. I don't know you or this guy.

If meeting up is chaotic, then this is what you have to expect and not complain about it when it goes wrong. However, if you think his chaotic act is a curtain for him to hide behind so he can do his own thing ... then be warned ...

For me, my time is precious. When I make plans, I expect people to stick by plans, or have some code where I know what's what. For instance, I had a female friend who made sure our whole group of female friends knew that if there was a boy on the scene, all plans would be cancelled at the last minute so she could do stuff with new boy. She told us this from very early on in the friendship. She also (to be fair to her) told us we could do the same to her, so that if we had a boy, we could cancel/change plans at the last minute. It worked perfectly. All of us knew where we stood.

Another friend of mine we both have this code of "maybe" so that we make suggestions about stuff and immediately say "maybe" which means no can't make it, go with other friends and I might turn up at the last minute if I feel like it/nothing better on.

[smackie9]

Girl, he met someone and he's infatuated, of course he's gonna ditch you. Just understand he's a guy and has needs, and being young, dumb and full of c um he's gonna be a bit distracted. Sure he's been acting like a tool, but hey love makes you not think straight. She must be something special to make him question himself if he has a chance with her....the opportunity struck at a bad time, but he wasn't going to take any chances to mess things up with this girl. Just look at it in a mature way, and be happy for him he has found someone that makes him walk on air.

[GirlOne]

Hmmm I still think if you've got your mates even if there's a new love interest on the scene ... that your mates will be there long after the lover has bitten the dust ... also, even where there's been a new guy on the scene, I've made him sweat by saying I've already made plans with my mates. This has made him even more keen as I'm casual about meeting up with him.

This actually works for guys and girls ... if you've just met someone and they make you wait a day or don't meet the day you want and suggest another day ... makes you want them more ...

I just think you don't ditch your mates for a man, unless you have an agreement whereby each friend can ditch the other if some lover comes on the scene ...

[help_me]

ok now i am a bit confused....forget abt replying... does that means i sud act as if it was ok and met up him as usual?

[smackie9]

ok now i am a bit confused....forget abt replying... does that means i sud act as if it was ok and met up him as usual?

Just reply, tell him though you are disappointed on how he handled things, that you understand that he has met someone and you are happy for him. I bet money on he he will apologize and make it up to you.

[help_me]

ok fine... now since i have cooled dwn i dnt mind going out with him...bt then again, he was the one who blew it up so sudnt call up and apologize abt it??

[smackie9]

You will go through life being exposed to all kinda of personalities. No everyone is going to meet your requirements as a person, a co-worker, friend or lover, it's just the way life is. I have a simple answer to you problem.....if he is not what you would call an ideal friend, then don't expect him to be. If he doesn't apologize, is it really going to kill you? Look stop being so pissy about it. Just meet up with him and have a short talk, to clear the air. I'm sure he will explain himself and apologize. If he doesn't oh well, don't hang out with him anymore then. Case closed.

[xiaokanla]

Friends get pissed with each other - nobody is perfect.