Where did it go wrong?

[mrtdg82]

Hi

I generally dont ask for advice as most of the time i am giving it to other people yet for one of the first times i find myself coming to this forum to ask for someone else's point of view. I have 2 reasons for this, one i have no one else to talk to and two because i feel awful so any advice would be much appreciated.

Il keep the first bit brief. Just over three years ago i started seeing a girl, the age gap was a little complicated, i was 25 she was 18 which given the stage of life she was at (going out a lot etc) was always going to be difficult. I was crazy about her and apart from her naturally imature tendancies that i had personally grown out of, things were great. After around three months she called things off out of the blue saying it wasn't working. I was gutted but in a turn of events a couple of weeks later she said she wanted me back. Out of pure coincidence she lost her phone around that time and i got it back for her after texting the person who found it. Stupidly i went down it and found out she had kissed another guy behind my back who worked in the same area as me. I surprisingly wasn't angry about it, told her i knew but still loved her and got back with her. 1 week after that she ended it again out of the blew and we had a messy break up during which she wouldnt come talk to me as she was hanging out with this other guy in the town in which we both worked. It ended there and we stopped talking.

Move on to around 2 months back where by pure chance we began talking again on facebook. We got on very well and i found out she now had a 5 month old kid but was no longer with the dad. Funnily enough i was now with someone whose mum and dad lived a stones throw from where she did and i was expecting my first child. We chatted and even met up a couple of times briefly and things were great. Things then went downhill with my girlfriend (they were already pretty bad) and we agreed to stop things despite the baby due soon and that we had just bought a house we were due to move into very soon.

Me and this girl met a couple more times and at the end of one meet we kissed. She would text me constantly and said she was sorry for how she treated me before and that she had learnt a lot since then. She was genuine and was always really excited to see me and got frustrated if i didnt text her back reasonably quick. Things progressed however we both agreed that we couldnt get together anytime soon as it wouldnt be fair with the baby coming . We also were very careful when meeting due to wear she lived and neither of our families being happy with it given my situation. Despite this she was very very keen and over the next few weeks we saw each other 2 or 3 times a week, but only stayed over together a handful of times and got 'intimate' on dew occassions. She was very shy as she always has been when it came to that but regardless things were great. She would always be asking to see me even if only for five minutes.

Then something happened. Last Friday we saw each other twice during the day, things were great. Saturday night she went out with some mates. I guessed by the way she put it that they would be male friends as if she was out with girls she would name them however on this occassion she used the generic term of mates. Later that night she updated her facebook status of what a great time she was having with her mates and named one of them specifically as a guy. She rarely updated her facebook so i was surprised especially given the fact she had been texting me most of the night saying how much she loved me and missed me. I text her saying i was finding things difficult as loads of things began popping up from other giuys on her facebook. Nothing too bad mind you but i was stupidly feeling insecure. She went extremely apologetic and told me not to worry at all and paniced that things were over between us despite us not being together.

Sunday we were fine and she begged me not to get rid of her but also admitted one of the guys she was out with was the guy she cheated on me before. We got on great on the Sunday so in all honesty i trusted her and she was still texting me constantly and telling me she wanted to see me. Monday she worked but was still all good though went to bed early as she was tired due to working so early. I didnt hear from her after 9pm which i was fine with but i was a little suspicious as she now had a free house for a week due to her sister being away.

Tuesday was fine until we met up and when i told her id sorted out so we could have a night out together the following week and she said she was busy at a wedding. I changed to the following night but she stated she was busy again. I got quite angry as she had previously begged me to sort out that evening so wondered what the change of heart was but she said she was sorry and that she would change the plans to see me.

Come Wednesday i didnt hear from her much and she stayed at a girl mates with the baby. She barely text me that night until i questioned why she had gone all quiet on me and she apologised for being quiet. Thursday came and i was due to go to hers that night but didnt hear from her. When i eventually asked her if i was ok to come over she agreed but i assumed she was going to finish it with me as she had completely changed towards me. That night she was fine with me and was pretty much all over me. We talked and she just said she was just quiet lately and couldnt explain why. When i left i text asking her what was going on with us and she said it was up to me. I told her i was finding it hard with her going so quiet on me when she usually text me constantly or get angry when i didnt text. She didnt respond despite us having a great night together.

Yesterday i barely heard from her and eventually she said it werent going anywhere and couldnt be bothered with us. I told her i didnt want that and felt she was being harsh but she seemed distant again. She said she wanted to be friends but i said i couldnt see how we could ude to how she was being. Ive text her a couple of times today in the morning and got half hearted answers. I then lost my patience and sent quite a nasty message as i was gutted and couldnt get what had happened. I have since text her apologising but got no reply.

I am gutted and really dont get what happened. I am mad about her but within the space of a few days she has gone from being really enthusiastic to nothing. Thursday night we were fine but as soon as i left it went back to normal.

Im sorry for the long post. I know id cope better with this had i knew what has happened but i cant work it out, how can someone go from one extreme to the other in such a short space of time?

[Wakeup]

When are you going to understand that you two shouldn't even be talking to one another never mind trying to be lifemates? Straighten out yourself because you're very mixed up thinking you love someone who breaks up with you after ever full moon (seems that way anyhow). This is not love, it's push pull bullsh*t that she subjects you to when she's bored or in between attention from other men. You have a baby coming that you will be responsible for the rest of your life. Please don't bring this screwed up woman into his/her little life.

Go no contact and NEVER speak to her again. She is not right in the head and you aren't far behind her if you keep taking her back when she's proved to you over and over and over again that she can't be trusted to remain by your side. By now you should be so angry with her that the thought of even speaking to her should make you cringe. Block and delete her from all means of contact and social networking. You'll get past the emotional upheaval her crappy behaviour has inflicted on you sooner that way.

[mrtdg82]

Thanks for the resonce wakeup. Interestingly i actually deleted her from FB after last saturday as i wasnt happy as it was. I did question why she hadnt attempted to re add me she said she hadnt realized which given that she doesnt often go on there made sense at the time. Its more then likely im besotted by her purely because of the way she is, which is crazy i know. That said i agree with what you are saying i just needed to hear it from someone as i literally cant talk to anyone i know about it. It just astounds me how someone can change that quick.