Be friends with her or not, does she want more?

[Joe17]

Ok I will try not to make this very long as I know people don't like reading lengthly things.

Anyway, I'm 24, and my ex dumped me at end of july after 3 years. She did it over a text message couldn't do it face to face, said she "fell out of love" this killed me, BUT even though she dumped me we HAVENT gone more then 7 days without HER contacting me in some way either text or call. She ALWAYS makes the first attempt. Weve gone on 3 vacations barbados, florida, and atlantic city, we've done things that NONE of her past bf have ever come close to doing for her or with her. Her father passed away in September I was obviously there for her and had to be, her family LOVES me, her aunt insists im the best for her, her father also told us before he passed away that he wants us to take care of each other and says we will be married. She reminded me of that a few times too. Anyway she meet some kid thru a friend he didn't want to be bothered with her then she met some kid 10 years older than her, and her friends didnt like him so he was ou the window then some random creep she never knew messages her on facebook and says lets hang out she's like all excited gives this kid her number (this was in august) she ends up dating him officially about mid Sept. The kid works in the club scene and lives on a big university campus and she had trust issues with me when i never even SPOKE to a girl. She technically downgraded big time. Mind you she HASNT gone more than 2 months without a bf since she was 15 she's 21 now. Yea our relationship wasn't perfect and no relationship is perfect but I am very mature for my age and know what i want in life and i am pretty educated. So meanwhile during all this she is still contacting me talking to me asking me for advice or help with a vast array of things. I told her 3 weeks ago I don't want to be friends with you, but again it didn't stop her from contacting me, there would always be some way where should would contact me but im confused on whether im being "used" or "missed". Then she contacts me again on monday of last week asks me to visit her at work, i couldn't because i had work, she asks me for help the next day then wednesday asks me to visit her again at work, thats where i got pissed and im like look you have a bf why do u ask me for help on school and ask me for all this advice when u have a bf. Isn't that what bf's are for? She's like i just want to have a healthy friendship with u. Thats when i said i don't want to be friends with you, but i do wish you the best in your future endeavors. She's like fine thats your loss and good luck to you im like ok.

Now heres where i think i messed up, I still LOVE this girl to death the things ive done for her are beyond what anyone else can do especially some dog that she's with now. I would be with her again if I could without a doubt. She even said to me no one can ever replace what me and you had, this was in mid september. Mind you out of her 4 bf's I was the best she ever had. She also LOST ALL of her good friends b/c of everything NO ONE likes this new bf, her friends talk to me and don't associate with her, since when do u see that happen?? One my friends says to cut off contact and not to be friends and believes she wont come back to me, bc he had an experience just like me and he stayed friends and it was the worst ever. This woman i met through my work is 43 and INSISTSSSSS to keep communication open but don't do bf duties and INSISTSSSS that she WILL come back to me. I'm stuck, I don't know what to do, I love her to death, everyday is a struggle. Any advice is GREATLY appreciated. Thanks

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Start ignoring her completely. Next time she contacts you, tell her not to ever contact you again unless she wants to reconcile the relationship. If she contacts you for any other reason, ignore her, or hang up immediately. The girl at work gave you some bad advice, that will only help her get over you faster. Cut her off completely, start going after other girls, and she will be back in, I give it 2 months tops.

[Joe17]

Start ignoring her completely. Next time she contacts you, tell her not to ever contact you again unless she wants to reconcile the relationship. If she contacts you for any other reason, ignore her, or hang up immediately. The girl at work gave you some bad advice, that will only help her get over you faster. Cut her off completely, start going after other girls, and she will be back in, I give it 2 months tops.

Ok.

What i dont understand is, how will she get over me faster if i were to remain somewhat civil? If i cut her off completely how does that make someone want to come back? To me cutting off contact is perfect for healing and getting over a person.