She is making me so confused, my head hurts

[stephenbe]

Hi everyone

I need your advice.

This girl and me had a relationship for two years and it was great. We broke up and it was a healthy break up. No screaming, no argument it was OK. Of course it was extremely hard her being my first girlfriend and all.

It's been like 6 months since we broke up. She just recently added me on facebook again and we went on a bike ride, talked about random stuff. We met like 3 times now and she even invited me for dinner with her mom. The weird thing is she has a boy friend now. She never talks about him, she acts like he does not exist. Now you would say she misses me, etc. But her profile picture is him and her!! I have no idea what to do...I did not really bring up the subject an I always leave confused. At one point I stopped talking to her for a good two weeks and she ended up calling me saying " oh why don't you call me, I was waiting for your call". I am like in my head *why don't you spend time with your boy friend!!!* She even started telling me her personal problems and I started kissing her on her head saying it will be alright...and she let me ...we were even holding hands....

Should I confront her and say " hey why are we doing stuff together, don't you have a boy friend for that?*

Thank you so much! I need advice before this weekend, she wants to see me again...

Stephen

[GaryUranga]

First decide what you want.

Then act upon it, this girl is definetly interested in some way, if you want to just be friends then be her friend.

If you want to get something going on then you should definetly just play it cool, dont pressure her into anything and even if you DO hook up treat it like a "it just happened" thing, dont make meanign outa it. You should definetly keep the chase going on if you want somehting in this situation.

[MerryH]

Should I confront her and say " hey why are we doing stuff together, don't you have a boy friend for that?*

Yes.

And stop pretending to be her friend. You're not her pal, you want to get back together with her. Make that clear, and if she responds by telling you she doesn't want to be with you, then stop seeing her. If she says that she is considering getting back with you, then tell her you can't see her until she breaks up with her boyfriend. Don't pursue girls who are in relationships. I'm guessing that she just wants to be friends with you, though. Don't be her friend. That's clearly not what you want, so whatever friendship you have with her will most likely end in heartache for you.

[bloodtippedrose]

I've been friends with my ex's before even though I'm with someone else. I do it because my boyfriend is gone alot at work and I have no social life so I fill my social need with them. I don't mention the bf too often because I feel it almost rubs in that I'm taken and he's not. Though it would be disrespectful to never mention him at all. And I would NEVER, EVER hold hands or let anyone kiss me on the forehead!!!!!!!!

What you are doing is wrong. You know she has a boyfriend, don't hold her damn hand! If you're not over her, which it seems you're not, then doing this is completely reversing the process of moving on! It's not healthy for you. What she is doing is completely wrong on her own, but you are not responsible to point that out to her.

If you don't want to be with her then you need to resume NO CONTACT. If you do want to be with her (remember she could do this with others if dating you as well! you'd never trust her!) then talk to her about what's going on with her boyfriend and continue what you're doing. She will probably keep this secret from her bf and use you emotionally as long as you let her. Also expect for her to get whiny and be "sooo confused!" when you inquire about where your relationship stands.

[stephenbe]

I've been friends with my ex's before even though I'm with someone else. I do it because my boyfriend is gone alot at work and I have no social life so I fill my social need with them. I don't mention the bf too often because I feel it almost rubs in that I'm taken and he's not. Though it would be disrespectful to never mention him at all. And I would NEVER, EVER hold hands or let anyone kiss me on the forehead!!!!!!!!

What you are doing is wrong. You know she has a boyfriend, don't hold her damn hand! If you're not over her, which it seems you're not, then doing this is completely reversing the process of moving on! It's not healthy for you. What she is doing is completely wrong on her own, but you are not responsible to point that out to her.

If you don't want to be with her then you need to resume NO CONTACT. If you do want to be with her (remember she could do this with others if dating you as well! you'd never trust her!) then talk to her about what's going on with her boyfriend and continue what you're doing. She will probably keep this secret from her bf and use you emotionally as long as you let her. Also expect for her to get whiny and be "sooo confused!" when you inquire about where your relationship stands.

Thank you so much for all your comments.

So I should confront her. I have no idea if I still want to go out with her but for sure I really have something in me that want's to take care of her but for sure I don't just want to be friends...And I agree 100% saying I could not trust her ever. If she did something like this in my back I would flip out.

I was kinda releived when she did put the photo of her and her boyfriend. It was kinda like, well now I don't have to worry.

So we should not be seing each other, I don't want to be friends with her. I just cannot do it.

So this is what I am planning to say,

Me : *Hey, I was wondering. Like we are seing each other a lot lately...Doesn't it causes problems in your other relantionship you have....*

At this point it depends what she says...If she says :

Girl : *Oh he does not know*

Me: *Then what are you trying to do? You should of told me you were still with him....This is a bad idea, I think you should spend time with him insted*

The conversation will go on from there.

If she says :

Girl : *Oh he does not mind at all*

Me : *Well I don't just want to be friends. I have this need of taking care of you, as a friend I cannot do that and I don't think this is a good idea. Why don't you spend time with your boy friend or any other friend? I am you ex, not your friend*

The conversation will go on from there.


Does that sound ok?

Thank you so much again,

Stephen

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't bother with the pleasantries. Next time she contacts you, just say, "I'm not your friend, and please don't contact me again, unless you want more than friendship." Ignore all subsequent contact.

Drop her. Hard.

[stephenbe]

Don't bother with the pleasantries. Next time she contacts you, just say, "I'm not your friend, and please don't contact me again, unless you want more than friendship." Ignore all subsequent contact.

Drop her. Hard.

What!?

I don't want her to be mad at me...that seems kinda rude...I am at heart a really kind person...

And she is a very nice person, I don't think she deserves to be treated that way...She is a really really really innocent girl.

[searock]

Thank you so much for all your comments.

So I should confront her. I have no idea if I still want to go out with her but for sure I really have something in me that want's to take care of her but for sure I don't just want to be friends...And I agree 100% saying I could not trust her ever. If she did something like this in my back I would flip out.

I was kinda releived when she did put the photo of her and her boyfriend. It was kinda like, well now I don't have to worry.

So we should not be seing each other, I don't want to be friends with her. I just cannot do it.

So this is what I am planning to say,

Me : *Hey, I was wondering. Like we are seing each other a lot lately...Doesn't it causes problems in your other relantionship you have....*

At this point it depends what she says...If she says :

Girl : *Oh he does not know*

Me: *Then what are you trying to do? You should of told me you were still with him....This is a bad idea, I think you should spend time with him insted*

The conversation will go on from there.

If she says :

Girl : *Oh he does not mind at all*

Me : *Well I don't just want to be friends. I have this need of taking care of you, as a friend I cannot do that and I don't think this is a good idea. Why don't you spend time with your boy friend or any other friend? I am you ex, not your friend*

The conversation will go on from there.


Does that sound ok?

Thank you so much again,

Stephen

I think that sounds ok. Keep us updated on how it goes : ).

[BackUpOrGetStng]

How is what I said, rude? It's stating a firm boundary. This is a situation where you have to be firm, or you'll end up being used, like you are being used now. My suggestion, cuts off her ability to use you as an emotional tampon, like she has been. Suit yourself though..pussy.

[bloodtippedrose]

Thank you so much for all your comments.

So I should confront her. I have no idea if I still want to go out with her but for sure I really have something in me that want's to take care of her but for sure I don't just want to be friends...And I agree 100% saying I could not trust her ever. If she did something like this in my back I would flip out.

I was kinda releived when she did put the photo of her and her boyfriend. It was kinda like, well now I don't have to worry.

So we should not be seing each other, I don't want to be friends with her. I just cannot do it.

So this is what I am planning to say,

Me : *Hey, I was wondering. Like we are seing each other a lot lately...Doesn't it causes problems in your other relantionship you have....*

At this point it depends what she says...If she says :

Girl : *Oh he does not know*

Me: *Then what are you trying to do? You should of told me you were still with him....This is a bad idea, I think you should spend time with him insted*

The conversation will go on from there.

If she says :

Girl : *Oh he does not mind at all*

Me : *Well I don't just want to be friends. I have this need of taking care of you, as a friend I cannot do that and I don't think this is a good idea. Why don't you spend time with your boy friend or any other friend? I am you ex, not your friend*

The conversation will go on from there.


Does that sound ok?

Thank you so much again,

Stephen

Sounds good. Its being cordial, yet firm on where you want to be with her. It will be interesting to see what she has to say.

[stephenbe]

I think that sounds ok. Keep us updated on how it goes : ).

thank you so much guys! I will totally keep you posted