I have been living with a man for the past seven years. When I first met him I fell hard for him because we had so many things in common. Political views, religious views, musical tastes, places to go, sexual styles and conversational topics were all in line. He had been married for 25 years to someone he said never made him happy. She was not as social as he was so he went to events by himself. Finally he moved out, she filed for divorce three months later and that was when I met him.
We had a wonderful time together discovering new places and foods, discovering each other and having many hours of stimulating conversation. We worked well together and I fell in love with him. I left my husband of 18 years for him. which of course disrupted my family. My mistake.
From time to time he would leave me out of his life when he went to family functions because two weeks into our relationship his sister-in-law yelled at me and said that I didn't say goodbye to her the last time I saw her. We were at a party at his house, she was drunk so I laughed at her because I thought it was too ridiculous. This animosity has remained to today. She then spent her efforts telling his family and friends that I was bad in some way. I do not know exactly what she said because no one ever told me. I was ostracized.
Then there were times when he did not tell me what he was doing. I guess it was a leftover bad habit he had developed when he was married. We had many arguments about that.
There were other various things that built up because he didn't like confrontation so nothing was resolved. Finally, I had had enough and moved to another state. Six weeks after I moved he contacted me through my daughter because my number had changed when I changed states. This was a conscious effort because I wanted to start again. I agreed to talk to him because I still loved him and missed him terribly. A few weeks later, we would meet in states in between ours and have a great time. This went on for a couple of months. I then started to visit him at his home travelling back and forth between the states. He had a heart attack when I was on my way back home and that caused me to turn back to be with him. I partially moved back with him keeping most of my belongings in my own apartment. Eventually, I moved everything back.
Our relationship continued to be a roller coaster of emotions and anger and resentment increased for both of us. I would yell at him and say hurtful things. We would spend time not talking to each other but I still loved him. The efforts to change have been noted on both sides but just not enough fast enough.
Now, he has announced that our relationship is over because he cannot stand the arguments any longer and said he is going to start to date others. He feels there is nothing left in our relationship because of our history and the fact that I am moving to another state in the spring. The move this time is not based on a break up so I was hoping he would join me.
Well, I have now discovered the "women" he said he was going out on dates with is only one woman. It is the woman across the street who is going through a nasty divorce and is currently selling their house.
So, after all that background, the question is should I try to salvage this relationship. I still love him, he has said he still loves me, we had the best sex last night and I feel a connection to him even though he is being unfaithful. I have not been the best mate over the past year but the thought of him with another woman has brought me to this. Do I confront her? I am reluctant to do so because I feel she is using him as a crutch for her own pain and it probably won't last. Also, it would probably bring them closer. I still have to live here for at least another six months so is he doing this to hurt me because I am leaving? I want this relationship to work because of our history and because we get along very well when we are not fighting. I believe we can make note of our mistakes and correct them in order to have a peaceful union.
What is the best way to handle this?
Please help.