My Brother's Funeral & Inviting His Ex: What To Do

[awastedheart]

I am posting with a sense of shock, sadness and confusion.

My 27-year-old brother passed away on Monday after a long battle with leukemia. He was a graduate student in music theory getting his Ph.D. and was to finish his dissertation this year. He passed away in his sleep with my mother, father my siblings and I by his bedside. Our family did brace for this as his health had slowly declined.

My eldest sister and I are contacting his close college friends, high school colleagues and friends to invite (I don't know if that is an apporiate word) to his funeral next Wed.

During his college days he had a serious long-term relationship with a girl. To date, that has been his only serious relationship he has had. I met his ex briefly and was cognizant of her presence in his life several years. Although the relationship fell apart and he was dumped, I feel compelled to at least inform her of her ex's death.

Do I even bother? She was with him for three years and I assume that would mean something if your former partner passed. However, she moved and I presume never looked back since they never kept in contact after the break up.

[bloodtippedrose]

I dated a sweet guy for only ONE year and we ended up breaking up because I moved away. We haven't spoken in four years, but he was significant in my life and I would definitely want to pay my respects if he passed. You should invite her to the service or at least call her and let her know if you have the time to spare. She will care and it will impact her. You don't spend three years with someone you didn't care for. Sorry for you and your families loss, but its good your brother is no longer suffering.

[awastedheart]

Thanks! Other want to chime in?

[MaidenMinx]

I agree. I would want to know if I were in her shoes.

So sorry for your loss.

[MerryH]

Sorry for your loss. That's really tough.

Yes, I think you should notify her of his funeral. No matter what happened during or after their breakup, I'm sure she would still want to know. Give her the opportunity to pay her respects. She might not be able to make it to the service, but it would be better to hear about it from his family rather than some other possibly unfortunate way weeks, months, or years down the road. You probably have something already written up to send to his friends and colleagues. Just send her that, with maybe a short, personal note saying that since she was a big part of his life for a time, you wanted to personally inform her of his passing.

Again, really sorry for your loss.

[surfhb]

Of course you ask her

[xiaokanla]

People waste time looking for the perfect lover rather than creating the perfect love' - Princess Leigh-Cheri from Still Life With Woodpecker.

[niggles]

Really sorry to hear about your loss,

But If she was an important part of his life, then she deserves to pay her respects. If you invite her, it'll make you feel better, and she can then decide if she wants to go or not.

[awastedheart]

So after talking to his current and former college friends, no one has her contacts. I guess I should write it off?

[bloodtippedrose]

sounds like you don't have any other options.

[Tanguerra]

Very sorry to hear about your brother.

If in doubt, always think how would you like to be treated in this situation. If it was me I would at least like to have the option to send flowers or a card even if I didn't go to the funeral. I think you should let her know when and where the funeral is on and let her decide if she wants to come.