I'm going to cheat on my girlfriend

[Ilithios]

On Saturday, I will cheat on my girlfriend.

I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 and a half years now. We live together in a one room apartment. I love her very much, and it is easy to see that she loves me through all the wonderful caring things she does. We rarely have fights or problems. Neither of us ever leaves the apartment without a goodbye kiss, comes home without a welcome home kiss, or goes to sleep without a goodnight kiss. I have the perfect relationship.

But we never have sex. When we first moved in together, we had sex multiple times a day every day. That lasted until she got pregnant about two months later. After the abortion, she couldn't have sex for a month. Even after the month, sex was infrequent and soon slowed to a trickle for the next year. Then stopped altogether. We haven't had sex for over a year now. I need sex.

I met a woman last week who proposed an arrangement. She needs money. I need sex. We help each other out. Occasionally we will meet and have sex, and I will help her out financially. She's just a normal person who needs help with medical expenses, not a prostitute. Well... she will be a prostitute starting Saturday. We agreed to keep the arrangement between the two of us. Neither of us can have sex with anyone else unless they end the arrangement first. Neither of us wants to worry about diseases.

This all makes perfect logical sense. I don't see a reason to end an otherwise great relationship because of lack of sex. I can't go on without sex. There is practically a 0% chance my girlfriend will ever find out, so she won't be hurt. It all makes sense.

Why do I still feel a little guilty?

I'll probably feel better after the first time is over and done with...

[Wakeup]

Did you make this arrangement with the unhealthy prostitute without discussing your discontent with your live in gf? If you didn't discuss the lack of sex with your gf then why didn't you? If you did discuss it then what was her response?

[Endlessagony]

You should feel guilty. Dude going around screwing other people will only damage your relationship regardless how you might try to justify it.
Here's a wild idea: Have you tried talking to her about it? How about going to couples therapy?

[Ilithios]

I have discussed it many many times. Or at least tried to. She just avoids the topic, changes the subject, or just says things like she's just never in the mood any more, she's tired lately, or something else. Then changes the subject.

[Ilithios]

I have told her before on several occasions that I'm going to have to have sex with other people if she continues to never want sex. She doesn't get upset or anything, just kind of "lightheartedly" tells me not to. I could take this reaction two ways. Either she's so certain that I would never do it that she doesn't take the statement seriously enough to be disturbed, or she secretly wants me to do it so I get off her back, but she just doesn't want to know about it. I have even gone so far as to typing "[the name of our city] prostitutes" into Google and purposely having the results up as she walked by so she could see what I had searched for. Again, it just gets this same sort of lighthearted admonishment against doing it with no indication of being upset. There is no way she would actually agree to an open relationship. While I have never asked her for one explicitly, we have talked about it theoretically and she is clearly opposed to it.

I realize now that her incredible sexual drive when we were first together was most likely her body purposely trying to get pregnant even against her conscious will, and it succeeded. I think her lack of sexual interest now is a combination of her body having realized that it's useless to try to get pregnant because she'll just thwart it's efforts, her sub-conscious (and maybe even conscious) mind still being a bit worried of getting pregnant again and would just rather not take the risk, and the normal decrease in libido that happens to women after a while in the same relationship.

[Ilithios]

the unhealthy prostitute

Aha, just realized what you meant by this. No, the medical expenses are for her parents. She is only 22 years old and in good health as far as I know.

[Endlessagony]

I thnk you should seriously consider going to couples therapy. As said she probably has psychological issues after the abortion but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to have sex anymore at all.
Things like that can be very traumatic and you nagging about the sex really isn't helping the situation. What you have is communication breakdown, that is the real problem I think.

[Queentee]

i gues she forgot to mention shes got s.t.i s but i dont blame her who would .The thing about us females is that u may look at us and think we r in good health but boy you dont know whats going on down there. if ive got an s.t.i and i wanted cash i wouldnt mention it. im 21 i look healthy but ive had an sti which was treated only bcoz i decided to sleep with someone who was HEALTHY AS FAR AS I KNEW !!GET MY POINT?

[Wakeup]

There is no way she would actually agree to an open relationship. While I have never asked her for one explicitly, we have talked about it theoretically and she is clearly opposed to it.

Have you two ever actually had a decent conversation about your needs and her lack of wanting to provide them. Have you ever come right out and told her that you will be having extra-curricular sex because she is not interested in sex and you still are? This goes back to what I said about communicating. You hint, you lie by ommission and you do not tell her in a way that she understands.

You need help with your communication and your ability to get across what you are meaning. MEANING to do not hypothetically meaning to do is what she needs to understand. She has no incling whatsoever that her lack of sexual involvement is bothering you to the degree it is. She. Has. No. Idea. I typed that with periods between so you would read it slowly and grasp it accordingly.

Why did she have an abortion.. was it your wish that she did or was it for medical reasons or did you decide together that you never want children, or... what?
Don't you want your union to be both loving and sexual or do you just not want to bother with counceling/therapy/ so you can have sex with the prostitute who needs health care money for her ailing parents and you'll have an excuse for doing what you're about to do? WTF!

[Kitten love]

You owe her the chance to decide.

[bulrush]

I don't see a reason to end an otherwise great relationship because of lack of sex. I can't go on without sex.

Then you should do the right thing and tell your gf first. If you want an open relationship, talk to your gf about it. Maybe she will be ok with it. OTOH, sex is an important component in an intimate relationship, it helps bond people together. Very few people can do an open relationship successfully. It takes a lot of maturity and excellent relationship skills.

I thnk you should seriously consider going to couples therapy. As said she probably has psychological issues after the abortion but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to have sex anymore at all.
Things like that can be very traumatic and you nagging about the sex really isn't helping the situation. What you have is communication breakdown, that is the real problem I think.

I normally support counseling in most cases, like where there is hope in fixing things. In this case, I do not. When a woman becomes pregnant, she forms a very very close bond with the fetus. To kill this fetus forms a huge scar in her heart and mind. Most women never get over this scar and have mental problems for the rest of their lives. It just has to do with this close bond with the fetus and how emotional women are in general. Some women get over it, some pretend to get over it, many never do. It's like rape or sexual abuse, most women never get over it, though I have met a couple women who appeared to have put it (sexual abuse) in their past.

Go to counseling to give it a try, but you will won't be getting sex from her any time soon.

[Kathryn6586]

Is this a joke? Did you really say that this scenario is "makes perfect sense" and why do you feel guilty!? YOU SHOULD FEEL GUILTY. What you are doing is very very wrong. I understand the need you have but if you GF is not willing to sleep with you then something isn't right...either she has lost attraction for you or something deeper is going on. That is a very important part of a relationship. If you are not happy then you should leave, not cheat. Like others said, I would suggest seeing a doctor together to discuss her lack of "libido" and see if there are any solutions...hormonal pills, etc. that she can take to get it back. There are other solutions to this problem. I think you need to sit down and have a very serious conversation with your girl and let her know that you will cheat if she doesn't start sleeping with you again. You need to make it clear to her that you are SERIOUS so she won't be so "light-hearted" about it.

[oldskool83]

your a peice of shit dude. comunicate with your gf and said you feel negelcted some what because of not having a sexual connection. your gonna throw it all away and hurt her. ig you can look yourself in the mirrow and not feel guilt dump her today cuz it will hurt her less.

[Phoenix23]

While your needs are legitimate, do not go about fulfilling them in a way that will hurt both of you.

You need to lay out the situation for her, whether she wants to talk about it or not.
If she's not willing to deal with the issues that make her unable to have sex (probably related to the abortion), then you should be willing to end the relationship rather than just go behind her back.

Your GF probably needs counseling and some help at this point. Don't just ignore it and seek your own fulfillment elsewhere. Either help her get through this or leave her. Don't just ignore her while secretly getting yourself off with someone else.

[devonbrown]

The bottom line is this - you live with your girlfriend. You are in a committed relationship. Committed relationships do not have "out clauses" for you to cheat. If there is something wrong in the relationship, then fix it. Talk openly and honestly with her. Go to counseling together. Adding guilt and cheating to the mix is not going to help at all. All you will have accomplished is ejaculation into someone else.

Basically, you are being a wimp by planning to cheat on your girlfriend instead of manning up and trying to resolve the issue. And don't say that she just dismisses it when you bring it up. Go to a therapist together. Do you just give up at the first sign of any difficulty?