I'm going to cheat on my girlfriend

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Obvious troll. You're concerned far more with the argument than you are with your situation. Everything you say is so contrived and mechanical. Clearly an experiment for you. Your pseudo-intellectualism is transparent. The fact that you're 'not surprised', but also 'interested' and 'intrigued' to watch how people respond, shows enough forethought and insight into the responses that seeking advice about it would be unnecessary.


I did like your fabricated scenario though, and I think we got some good discussion out of it.

[Wakeup]

I'm listening to what you say. In fact, I think it's hilarious. It's not surprising, of course, but it's interesting to watch people who are unable to break out of their social conditioning and incapable of thinking for themselves react when confronted with a belief which contradicts their own. The outrage on here because of a situation happening thousands of miles away from any of you in which no one has been hurt and no one really stands to get seriously hurt is really quite intriguing.

Wouldn't it be a hoot if the reason your gf doesn't want sex from you is because she's so tired and satiated from getting it from her boyfriend on the side and doesn't need you in that way but just uses you for what you provide her in material things?

[workingman78]

I think this has more to do with culture then anything. Knowing a bit about the culture there, appearances mean everything but what happens behind the scenes is a different story. My best friend who taught english there for some time had a Korean girlfriend. They wouldn't even hold hands in public because of what people would think about it, however when they were alone, she would be incredibly affectionate and a great lover, but literally walking out the door her mood would swing to indifference. I know my friend couldn't handle the way that she viewed all their social interactions.

Now for the original poster, I have something for you. When you first posted on here, you posted because you were unsure what to do/feel. If you had truely been alright with the situation you had arranged you wouldn't have felt a need to do it. You did it anyway, but just because you got away with it you feel justified, this is not the case. If you and your significant other are equals in the relationship then you need to ask yourself this. If in the same situation, would you like to know if your partner was cheating on you, even if she felt justified in doing so?

[lizzy-bet]

My morality transcends cultures. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, I'm pretty sure that exists everywhere. If you don't want your girlfriend doing the same thing to you, then it's wrong. That's not close minded, that's logical and honest.

[warriormaiden]

If this is real, I can't wait till this entire thing blows up in his face.
This is why I could NEVER cheat on anyone, the fear of them finding out would be just WAY too much for me.

[Ilithios]

I've said pretty much the same thing before, but I'll say it again. If the situations were reversed (I didn't want to have anything to do with sex, but she needed to have it), I think she absolutely should have sex with someone else, and she absolutely should NOT tell me about it, because there are certain emotions I would not be able to hold back regardless of the fact that logically I know it would be the sensible thing to do. So, if it's a question of do unto others as you would have them do unto you, I have unquestionably made the right choice. Of course, as I've said before, that situation would never come up because even if I did somehow lose all interest in sex, if I knew that she needed it to be happy, I would do it to make her happy. It's not as if I'm asking her to load a ton of bricks into the back of my pick-up truck by hand or something. She just has to lay there and spread her legs for 5 minutes. Is it that ****ing hard that it has to have come to this?!

I haven't heard from the other girl all week. I wrote her an email Saturday night urging her to get a morning after pill and explaining that if she were pregnant, I wouldn't be able to help her out with that situation. I also suggested she get on birth control pills (which are really cheap and available without a prescription here) if we are to keep seeing each other. She never wrote back. I wonder if it's because she regrets her decision to take money for sex, just been busy, or what. She really is a very nice girl, and I hope she's ok. I wrote her an email tonight just asking how she is doing and whatnot. We'll see if she responds.

[Wakeup]

I haven't heard from the other girl all week. I wrote her an email Saturday night urging her to get a morning after pill and explaining that if she were pregnant, I wouldn't be able to help her out with that situation. I also suggested she get on birth control pills (which are really cheap and available without a prescription here) if we are to keep seeing each other. She never wrote back. I wonder if it's because she regrets her decision to take money for sex, just been busy, or what. She really is a very nice girl, and I hope she's ok. I wrote her an email tonight just asking how she is doing and whatnot. We'll see if she responds.

You must be starting to get a real complex now. Someone who you're paying to do you doesn't even want to do you.

[aylie]

The more appropriate question is whether I would be ok with her having sex with someone else if I were completely uninterested in having sex and and refused to do it even to make her happy. That situation is hard to imagine as even if I did start to find sex completely unenjoyable, I would still bite the bullet and do it to make her happy, certainly not every time she wanted to but some of the times. But I think the answer is that no, I would not have a problem with her having sex with someone else if I categorically refused her sex and I knew she needed it. Even though I would understand it, simply due to biological reasons it would not make me particularly happy so, if possible, I would not want to know about it. However, our relationship includes much bigger things than sex, so there would be no reason to be so stupid as to end it because she gets needs that I am not willing to fulfill elsewhere.

The answer to your question as asked is of course I would not be ok with that. That would mean that she is not just disinterested in sex in general but specifically disinterested in sex with me. As long as I am interested in sex, I expect her to only have sex with me, and as long as she is interested in sex, I will only have sex with her.

so did u do it

[PetiteRae]

Agh, man, I just typed an answer and clicked "Reply to Thread" and deleted it... the joys of retyping...

This is something that has been mentioned before but the real and important issue here is what is going on inside the young womans' head. There is no way she cannot be aware of what is happening in her relationship, and I am sure she is at least suspicious of the cheating. Womens' sense is incredible for this - we detect the change in mood, in behaviour, and we know when things are not right.

Anyway, I am talking about the root of the problem, which maybe is something cultural - I have a friend who has a Korean girlfriend and he says they are an example to all other women because all she wants to do is please please please, sexually and otherwise. She always puts him first, no matter how tired, ill, or cranky she may be feeling.

So maybe the OP is used to this and this is why is he so inept at handling his true love when she is in emotional distress. Maybe this is also why she is no use at getting help for herself. No matter how commonplace abortions may be, they still mess with a womans' head. Maybe the best thing OP could do for her is selflessly work to solve her emotional distress, instead of thinking the relationship would be cured by the opening of her legs.

Maybe, on another line, she is so paralysed in her depression that she is not getting out of a relationship she doesn't want to be in. Maybe she's afraid of being single... Maybe he should break it off and force her to go back and live with her family or friends, hang out with them, take classes or join clubs and meet new people... Give her life!

[Ilithios]

You must be starting to get a real complex now. Someone who you're paying to do you doesn't even want to do you.

I'm starting to think you're a troll. All you have been doing is throwing in little quips that add nothing to the discussion.

[Wakeup]

You have done what you came here to share with us what you were about to do.. I'm simply responding to your ongoing declarations. Would you have me (us?) give you advice on how to get the woman you paid money to have sex with you to return your attempts at contact? What were you hoping to gain by sharing that here in your thread about cheating and justification? Certainly not sympathy?

[misssixty91]

omg i cant imaging how your poor girlfreind must feel if she ever found out
have you not considered the abortion has a massive part this i suggest you sit her down and have a proper talk if not then leave her how would you feel if she was doing that to you ??

[Dr.LoveSifu]

Here's a good way to see whether a girl/woman is ready to handle a serious relationship -- ask her about her plans for the future.

I've studied women and relationships long enough to know that women who think about the future -- and make plans to meet the goals she sets for herself -- are the ones who can make a relationship work.

Most women we meet out there these days "live in the moment." They don't believe in delayed gratification, and sort of operate on the maxim of "enjoy life now, think later." Some may lack in the ability to plan for the future and that’s when a man has to man up and ensure that the thinking and planning is done efficiently. So just living in this moment and think later does not cut in love and relationships.

But, as with most things in a relationship, this rule goes both ways.

Do YOU think of the future? Do YOU set goals for yourself? Do YOU go out of your way, even putting instant gratification aside, to make sure you achieve those goals?

If you don't think of the future, and if you don't look at the big picture, believe me -- you're better off NOT getting into a serious relationship just yet.

Do not be hasty in your decision making process. If you are having problems with just one element “not having sex” than ensure you solve this problem in a systematic way.

Whenever there’s a problem there’s always a solution to it. Just be patient and solve the problem or else...

You're simply not ready!


Anyway, I would recommend you to a material which I myself find it compact of useful information. This book is exactly what you need to solve your problem. I am sure of that.

Its very well written and the author Fred Baker is very experienced in this dating/relationship field.

Alright here you go, www(dot)12becasanova(dot)com,

All the best...

[gingerina]

It looks like you have become more like room mates. If she doesn't want to have sex for one year I think she doesn't love you in that way anymore. Talk with her about it. If you don't find a cure brake up. You can still brake up with style without any bad feelings. You can still be the best friends. She could find out and start really hating you and that is not good way to brake up. If you want to have a future together it usually means getting married and having children. And you can make babies in only one way... To be honest I don't think you have any good future together.

[Styleking1]

Hi

Advice her use the female condoms for safe sex & avoid the pregnancy, I think this better for you & your girlfriend to make the strong relationship