I'm going to cheat on my girlfriend

[MerryH]

Maybe you are somehow inadequate and she hasn't been satisfied with you. Say she's vaguely brought up whatever it is that bothers her but you unintentionally never acknowledged it or took it seriously. But in her mind, she's talked to you about it, you won't change it, so she feels justified in ****ing someone else. It's pretty easy to rationalize things in a way that it works in your favor, just like you're doing. Maybe she's doing the same. If that's the case, wouldn't you rather her have broken up with you instead of taking the third option (cheating without you knowing) which is better than any other option ever!

[leoben]

Just make sure you are careful and don't bring home a disease, that sexual embargo your girlfriend has you under might not last forever.

[dutng]

i think. his wife go to the hospital.
you can advice his wife.
good luke for you.

[Wakeup]

"I have told her before on several occasions that I'm going to have to have sex with other people if she continues to never want sex. "

That sounds like pretty straightforward warning, in no uncertain terms to me. What more do you want him to do, introduce them?

How is she not keeping it a secret, when she won't even tell him why?

No! This would be straight forward. "I have arranged to have sex with a woman and I will begining our sessions this Tuesday Evening because you refuse to have sex with me." That would be straight forward and perhaps open up the dialogue. OP is not a very good communicator by the sounds of things. What you've bolded is a warning. Telling him why she won't have sex with him? Perhaps she doesn't know herself if it's something buried???

Who knows, perhaps Op's wife would be fine with keeping him as her lifemate while he got his sexual release else where? He needs to tell her and give her the choice. To stay with him while he gets his nut else where or leave him so he's free to do whoever. He's taking that choice away from her and thats what makes him so vile.

There should be a clause in every relationship "contract" that reads: "If we stop having each other sexually, then either of us can find our jollies elsewhere." Somenthing tells me Op would still cheat even when he didn't have to because like many, many men. theres' still a double standard where they want to do it but want to hide it because they don't want their wives/girlfriends to be able to have the same excitement.

What's strange about this whole thing is more times than not, when a woman leaves one relationship where she was not sexually responsive, she usually goes into the next one horny as hell.

[Ilithios]

It's done.

And I am happy to report that I feel no guilt whatsoever. There was the initial fear when I came home that my girlfriend would somehow magically know somehow, but it was all good. I got a normal welcome home and everything is great.

I think it's the best decision I ever made, actually. I feel great. I wanted to go out for a couple drinks with my girlfriend after I got home actually because I just feel so happy, but she said she was too tired. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I hadn't met the girl I had sex with before tonight. I had only talked to her over the Internet. It turns out she's ultra cute and very sweet. We ate some dinner and then went to DVD Room (a place with private rooms to watch DVD's you rent there, also used by many to have sex in because Koreans often continue living with their parents into their late 20's or even 30's.) It turns out we both like horror movies, so we rented the remake of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I gave her the money we agreed on and for a while we lounged on the sort of half bed, half couch thing they had in the room neither of us really knowing how to get things started. It turns out she has only had sex with one guy before. It was really funny, actually. We were sitting there with like three pillows in between us wondering how we were going to progress from that to sex. At some point after staring at each other for a while, I suggested "maybe we should kiss." and she thought for a second and said "ok." We moved the pillows and I came and sat right next to her. I put an arm around her and came in for a kiss. She's a horrible kisser, lol, but kind of in a cute way. Clearly really inexperienced with the whole intimacy thing. Kissing did the trick, though, and we went right into it naturally from there. It was great and she got off a couple times from fondling before I even entered her.

The downside was that the condom came off without us noticing and I came in her. She is not on the pill or anything and was quite worried because she said she is ovulating now. That put quite a damper on the post-sex mood. I'm still worried about it, obviously. I told her she should try to get a morning after pill, but she said she has to get a prescription for that and doesn't want to go to the doctor. I think I will write her an email tonight once again urging her to do this. If she becomes pregnant, I won't feel obligated to pay for the abortion or anything because it was a paid encounter, but it isn't something I want her to have to deal with. I would feel really bad for her.

We watched the rest of the movie together and soon the mood became fun and light again, though. All in all, I'd say it was a great success. I had a great time with a wonderful girl, and I don't love my girlfriend any less or anything like that. I'm a little scared to do it again unless she goes on the pill or something, though.

[Wakeup]

There was the initial fear when I came home that my girlfriend would somehow magically know somehow,

... and there it is. You don't tell her because you fear you'll lose her so you want your "mommy" to look after you while you get your sex from another.

I also think you're a troll now but thanks for the debate on morality and conviction and personal boundaries and integrity. None of which you have. What's one expect from a troll?

[Ilithios]

... I also think you're a troll now

sorry you feel that way. However everything I have said is completely true.

[Endlessagony]

You should ask yourself one question: are you being fair to your girlfriend?
Seems to me you want to keep the cake and eat it at the same time. You're trying to solve your problems in the relationship by cheating, you know that's going to end badly.

[lizzy-bet]

sorry you feel that way. However everything I have said is completely true.

Just the fact that you chose to respond to this part of Wakeup's post proves how emotionally immature you are. I scratch my head about people like you, and how you can feel good about your life when you have such corrupt morality. I am pretty talented at putting myself in others shoes, but all I can see is selfishness and fear on your part combined with very poor communication. If you really loved your girlfriend, you would tell her you are having sex with another woman, and that it has already happened. This would force the dialogue open and make her open up to you, and maybe you guys would have ONE ACTUAL deep conversation instead of the wishy washy, cryptic tiptoeing you've been engaging in the past few years. I'd also take that girl to the doctor and make sure she gets a morning after pill, because there's no guarantee that if she does get pregnant that she would get an abortion, and your perfect "relationship" would really be doomed. What I really can't believe is that you would be so careless when having sex with some stranger. You should have made her show proof of an STD check, and YOU should have had extra condoms and spermicide. That right there shows how little you really care about your girlfriend, open your eyes and look at yourself!

[searock]

Very clearly a troll. The condom broke, lol!

[leoben]

I think he still brings up an interesting point. Every time I see Gabrielle Giffords on TV it makes me wonder if she and her husband are having sex again yet. They can't be, right? Even if they are it must not be that satisfying for either party. So what should you do in a situation like that? Be "respectful", go home and have a conversation with your half gorked out wife about how you need to have an open marriage? Essentially letting her know that every time you walk out the door it might be to sleep with another woman? Or do you just go out, take care of your business quietly and then come home and give her the feeling she deserves of being the only special woman in your life?

I know a lot of women don't like it because it's a guy cheating on a girl, but I have a hard time faulting him if he decides to pick option #2. Same with Christopher Reeve's wife if she decided to find someone to help her out and not tell her husband.

[searock]

I disagree for one simple reason: no healthy relationship can involve lies. Lying is never justifiable (apart from some life-threatening situations I guess).

[Wakeup]

So what should you do in a situation like that? Be "respectful", go home and have a conversation with your half gorked out wife about how you need to have an open marriage? Essentially letting her know that every time you walk out the door it might be to sleep with another woman?

Yes. You do that and if she doesn't like it then you give her the choice to leave because she wants to, not because she is forced to because she can't get over your betrayal once she finds out. They usually ALWAYS find out.

The least you can do for one another is try to get the emotional and sexual connection back with the help of a couples councelor, sex therapist prior to setting up your open arrangement.

What do you men who think the Op is justified think about men who get lots of sex at home yet they still go out on the sly and get strange? Whats those men's excuse?

[Kitten love]

The downside was that the condom came off without us noticing and I came in her.

Lol.. wow.. is it even possible to not notice? I know sex feels a whole lot different for guys with a condom OFF as opposed to ON.. how many people has this actually happened to WITHOUT THEM NOTICING?!

I smell a troll trying to keep the game going..

[HeartIsAching]

Yes. You do that and if she doesn't like it then you give her the choice to leave because she wants to, not because she is forced to because she can't get over your betrayal once she finds out. They usually ALWAYS find out.

The least you can do for one another is try to get the emotional and sexual connection back with the help of a couples councelor, sex therapist prior to setting up your open arrangement.

What do you men who think the Op is justified think about men who get lots of sex at home yet they still go out on the sly and get strange? Whats those men's excuse?

I was an asshole then. Well... a worse asshole than I am now.

And no, it's not because of my wife - I learned better before I re-united with her.