I just talked w/ my EX tonight. I guess somehow the breakup is all my fault while she is dating other guys. She said I did not want to go back to school and that I said I don't have a goal and I said I don't know what I am doing in life etc... which I never say such thing. I did told her that I don't like to go back to school now but never said I won't ever doing that. She continued said that no girls will invest in me because of that. This is after 8 yrs relationship. I'm calmly asked her so when was this happened? She told me that she gave up on me like 3 years ago. she said she didn't want to deal with this cuz' she is in school. I guess she has been pretending all this time. So now she is done w/ her school got a better job/bought a house where I basically did everything else for her, about two months after her grad... I got kicked to the curb. Two months before the breakup, she has been dating w/ someone. But never once I heard her saying or admitting that she "cheated" on me. This breakup is never her fault. Somehow she dumped that guy and we are kinda back together for like 2 months and I thought we are moving along fine. Then like a month ago, all the sudden she doesn't think she can "face" my family which is basically my sister and for some odd reason she ignored me... so a month later today, she called me and asked me to move my stuffs.... I agreed and since I have her on the phone, I asked her to come out to talk to me and give me some answers. Today, I just know that I am so bad of a boyfriend. All, I did was help her with her house, taking care of everything that needed, treated her like a queen, never yell at her, trusted her, gave everything to her, never once doubt her... I expected that this will happen during the talk but I go anyway cuz' I just need her to say it and admitted that she cheated on me... I guess to her this doesn't qualify as cheating... Dating someone else when we are still together... Now that she is dating this second guy where she talked about him everyday when we were together still... I remembered she told me that not to worry cuz' she will never like him (he is a few years younger, not her type, etc...) So the second breakup ended so sudden, it hits me so hard... Everyday I'm in pain, keep on asking myself what the hell happens, what ifs, I should have do this and that... It just took everything out of me. I have a full time job and 4hrs night school every night. I felt like everything is squeezing me so tight and I can't breathe.
I never once think love is like an investment. It's love. and it's a beautiful thing. Everything else will work its way out if you have love... My problem was that she did not love me. She just used me for years... and used me again after she dumped me the first time for emotional support till she hops on this new guy's boat... then she acted cold and ignored me... After 8 yrs, i thought I love a sweet sweet girl with a great heart and she is the one for me. I just need two more years to get my new career going but she slammed the door on my face. I don't really know who can be this cold. It doesn't seem like it bothers her that I''m suffering so much... I did not want to get back with her at all when I asked to see her. I just want answers. She acted so cold and threw everything at me and that is all my fault. I don't know such person can be capable of doing this... It's a very sad sad day. I'm all broken. Thank to one of my buddy, he came out to talk to me pretty much all night... I need to attend my best friend's wedding this saturday and she will be there too. I am just not myself and I need some help or someone to talk to.