Am i being harsh?

[sammi_xxx]

Okay so me and my boyfriend have been on and off for 2 years. He lives with his mum in a flat. Here is my problem, his mum works, he doesn't yet and lives off the dole, he is trying to find a job but he has to give her money to stay there. She doesn't earn that much but she has more money than him! He has to give her £80 out of £100 each time.
This really winds me up as I don't earn that much either, iv recently started a job in which i earn only £65 a week. It is quite impossible to live off that! He lives about 20 mins away from me, he doesn't have the money to get a bus to mine because he gives it all to his mum, he doesn't help me with the cost of petrol to go to his. I am just thankful I have an understanding mother who I can just borrow money off, I understand he can't do that but I can't do that for the rest of my life.
He has to pick his mum up from work each night cos she has had some trouble so i rarely see him at all. I have spoke to him about this, he said he will give me a fiver, which he hasn't yet. When i asked him about it he flipped out on me.
His mother has been diagnosed with bipolar, which he only told me through an argument. He doesn't seem to tell me anything that is going on in his life so I can't be there for him
Am i being harsh on him about all this?
Thanks for reading guys!

[asdfg789]

His mom doesn't owe him anything and if what he is giving her is fair amount for rent & utilities, how can you fault her ?
You expect her to finance your relationship ?

It does seem your relationship lacks communication.

How old are the 2 of you and how long have you been together ?

[sammi_xxx]

Im 19, hes 21. and 2 years.
No i dont expect her to finance our relationship, I'm saying since I'm his girlfriend, he should help me a tiny bit with the costs for petrol etc because I can't afford it either

I forgot to mention, I have gave him a ton of money to help pay his mother. I just feel like he doesn't appreciate it

[asdfg789]

First off, both of you need to live within your means. It is nice to have a mother you can borrow from but if it becomes a habit, you are just digging a hole for yourself.

And why did you give him a ton of money ? Did that set his expectation that you will continue to finance him ?

I know nothing else about him and your relationship so its hard to comment further. If he is really a good guy, it may be worth working through the financial hardship to keep the relationship. Otherwise, you are better off asking for you money back and calling it off

[sammi_xxx]

I gave him the money because he needed it, i helped him out. And I have asked for it back a number of times but he can't afford it :/ Thanks for replying though

[Wakeup]

From the little info you've provided this is what I gather about your "relationship" with this man:

He uses his mother as an excuse to not be with you. He uses the excuse that he gives his mother most of his paycheck so he doesn't have to be with you. Your relationship is "on and off" because he doesn't want to be with you. He doesn't put in any effort because he really doesn't want to be with you and he doesn't have to put in any effort because YOU put all the effort into this "thing" you call a relationship. Why don't you just dump him and find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you and shows you he does through his actions? This man is showing you through his actions that he can take you or leave you. If you stop making all the effort, it will end again.

[sammi_xxx]

he says things etc and never does them, he says he wants to see me some days but most of the time its me asking to see him. Just feel a little taken advantage off with the money issue
And he tells me he wants to be with me, but it doesnt show with his actions

[Wakeup]

Sammi... you know the answer to your question(s). Now you just have to love yourself enough to end this one sided affair, heal and learn to never put all your efforts into someone who isn't doing the same back to you.

[sammi_xxx]

Okay thankyou

[Wakeup]

You'll be fine, Sammi and you deserve better than what little he gives you. Being "off and on" is stealing your joy. Heal for good and be done with him.

Hugs.