Is there any hope for us

[fairygodess]

fairygodess
Date: 10/15/2011
Subject: love and relationship problem. Need advice
Message: I've been with my bf on and off for for 5 yrs. When we first met in 07, I was 27, had my own place, was going to nursing school, and working, He was 22 going to clubs, seeing other girls when i met him, and lied to
me all the time. Even though he wasnt straight up with me from the beginning, I still tried to give him the benefit of a doubt. Prob. sounds stupid, but it was one of those love at first sight type of deals. And because he was 5 yrs. younger than me, I figured this was normal for him to get everything out of his system.Except, He'd tell me he loved
me one day and drop me the next week. That went on for about 3 yrs. I know i was prob. stupid for going back to him all those times, but he was the only one i wanted to be with, even if he'd stop talking to me for 5 mo's at a time. Well, last yr. he finally cameclean and he tells me he had an opioid addiction, sniffing roxicette's, to try and numb the pain of losing his sis, who died when he was 20, mind you, he was 22 when i met him. After helping him go through the withdrawal phase in march of 2010, a mo. later he tells me he never loved me and there was no future with us. After yrs. of being with him, i couldnt believe what i was hearing. My heart fell to pieces. I took all my things from his house that evening and left. I went to my friend's house that night and just fell apart. That night my friend tells me, he tried to get with her on the DL on FB, but turned him down, and felt it necessary not to tell me. I tried to move on, stopped talking to both of them, of course he denied it, and 5 mo.s later he texts me out of no where. I tired to ignore him, even had a BF at the time, but he just kept persuing me. Like always, he was still in my heart, I was still in love with him, so I met up with him on the beach, bc he wanted to talk and explain things to me and i agreed. It's now aug. of 2010, things were going really good, and by sept. he was talking to a girl behind my back bc we had an arguement, which i just recently found out, he had slept with her in july, when he told me he wasn't with anyone the whole time we were apart. LIE. Anyway, i forgave hime like always, and he suddenly drops me again, in oct. of 2010, halloween, bc we werent getting along, but come to find out, he was invited to a party, and didnt want me with him. Again later, I find out he was trying to get with his boy's wife. Of course, he denied it. So nov. comes along we were doing fine, and out of no where he stopped talking to me again. This time, I had just diagnosed my dad with cancer and tried to reach out to him, but all he did was ignore me. He comes back around in dec. we made plans to spend the holiday together, and Bam. I bought him a xmas gift, and he turns around calling me a dirty lying slut in front of his mom bc he had been drinking and said all he wanted was a companion and kicked me out of his house for nothing. I cried the whole way to zales, as i returned his gifts. This time i told myself he was unforgivable, and I let him go. Thinking it was finally done, i tried to get on with my life again, and dont u know feb. comes around and he wants to be with me. So we spent Vday together and things were exceptionally good. I even stayed at his house for 3 wks in july, while i was getting my own place, and come to find out, he was trying to get with another girl, while i was living with him, and he still denies it to this day. I tried to pack my things that night, but he begged me to stay. the following mon. came and i packed my things and left. After all those times of fighting with him, not believing him, I still wanted to believe a part of him really loved me. So it's aug of 2011 and i found a text from the same girl that he lied to me about in july. Except, this time, he was trying to get with her for 2 wks. while purposely fighting with me. She tells me and sends me texts he was sending to her, plus tell me he was seeing her regularly in nov. and dec. bc she had come home for xmas. i was besides myself. I didnt know what to do. I wanted to believe his side of things, when he was telling me she was just a booty call to make himself feek better, Im his one and only love, Im the only one he wants to be with. I just recently found out i was preg. 4-5 wks preg. the whole time and had a miscarriage in sept., my bodies still trying to recover from it. So to prove he really loved me and wanted to be with only me, he deleted his fb, stopped talking to girls on aim. Stopped going to clubs, Stopped ignoring my calls or texts. Except now, he's been drinking 1-2 12 packs everyday, he starts at 9 in the morn and when he drinks, he's been very beligerant and angry with me. He calles me bad names, throws the fact i have a good job, nice clothes, and take meds for ADD and Depression in my face. He calls me psycho, tells me im passive aggressive, blames me for him not going to bars, not allowed to talk to girls, or have a social life and I think he mentally abuses me. He constantly talks about his past gf, all the drugs he's done in his life and makes me feel like crap for actually caring about him, and trying to love him. He thinks im suffocating him. We get so angry bc we cant get over the past that it makes us physically hurt eachother, when we drink. He cont. tells me, he never loved me for the first 3 yrs. we were together, "known eachother". It's been really hard getting over all the hurtful things we've said and done to eachother, but he cant see any of his wrong doings. Well, last night was the final straw, when i told him I cant stand being yelled at, or calling me bad names so i took my things and left. I Just dont get that if he thinks im such a horrible person, why does he want to be with me? I tried to tell him today I love you with all my heart, but im not happy on an emotional level and that i needed to remove myself from this situation. His response "well if thats what u feel is right for u and u want to give up everything ive done for u and leave a family that loves u go right ahead. I Have a heart and it'll heal". Am i doing the right thing. Any advice would most greatly be appreciated.

[Draconis2_5]

Yes, you are doing the right thing! Leave him and leave him NOW! You have suffered enough for someone who doesn't return your feelings. Reading this, you probably still have feelings for him. Accept that they are there and, unless he wants to somehow make this mess of a relationship work, find out what you need to do to get rid of them. I know this probably sounds harsh and cruel but what he has done to you is iexcusable. If he contacts you, wanting to still be a part of your life, you need to let him know that he needs to fix himself. He is suffering and the only way he can feel better is if he brings everyone around him down with him. You don't need that. Go, and let him go, too. Live your life, because it is the only one you have.

[Tanguerra]

Under no circumstances have you got any future with this guy. You should cut off all ties and communication with him from this point onwards. Normally I am all in favour of trying to work things out, but this is never going to work out. This guy's life is headed in one direction - down. You have to make sure you don't get dragged down with him.

He has obviously got serious substance abuse issues. He is unfaithful to you (and doesn't even care if he tries to chase one of your friends). He's obviously very immature emotionally. He is disrespectful and insulting towards you. This guy is what I would characterise as a 'pirate' - someone that there is absolutely no point in trying to pursue a relationship with. Steer well clear of him! Sure, it will be difficult at first, but it's got to be done! Make him 'walk the plank!'

[url=http://how-to-find-love.com/the-pirate-problem-aarrrrghh/]The pirate problem… aarrrrghh! | How to Find Love by Miriam Robinson[/url]