Very confused by the entire thing....

[workingman78]

So I am at a complete loss over the situation I am in right now. My ex and myself broke up over a year ago now. We had been together for over 8 years, and it was a pretty messy breakup. About 4 months after the breakup she contacted me, about a structural issue with her place and she needed some advice (her daughter had drove the suv through the garage), so I went by and gave her the advice she needed to make sure the place wouldn't fall down. A month or so of intermintent contact and she contacted me and told me that she could not handle us talking anymore and had to cut all ties. I totally understood and respected her wishes. And even though she still finds a half dozen times or so to contact me in one form or another, it is kept civil etc.

Fast forward to a few days ago. I wake up one morning to find a bunch of emails from P of F and apparently I have a account on there. Turns out my ex has made a profile using my email account and said/done a bunch of mean/rude/ignorant things on this account, and now I have a bunch of older men wanting to be my friend (this may sound funny, but seeing where the source was coming from was meant to be malicious). I contacted her about it, just saying I wanted to have a talk because this had happened (at this point I don't know it is her, just suspect it is). She tells me that she could care less what I want to talk about. I finally have to say that I am going to get the police involved before she well be confronted about it. After some emails back and forth where she seems to be picking a fight, going on about how horrible I was to her and her kids, etc. I finally tell her I am sorry she feels that way, and that she needs to grow up and that I have respected her request for "no contact" yet she keeps doing things to contact me. The final email is about how I have no understanding, I am a insensitive jerk, that I am lucky she ever paid the money back she owed me, etc.

I am truely hurt by all of this. I have tried to be nice, helpful, understanding etc. I just don't seem able to win. I am not a bad person, I gave a hundred percent into that relationship and ended it when I had exhausted everything in me to make it work. I am looking for opinions/ points of view of how to deal with this?

[Wakeup]

Completely ignore her every attempt at contact. Disable (or ignore) the email account that she knows about and open a new account with new passwords. Keep hard copies of all the incriminating/harrassing emails in case you really do need to have her charged with harrasment or something. ZERO contact. Do not respond to her again. EVER.

[workingman78]

Thanks for that. I am able to do that, however do you think I should go as far as the police next time? She obviously took it to the brink this last time with her P of F account in my name. I hesitated because she works with the public and if she were to be charged for something like that she would likely lose her job, and I don't wish that on her at all. At the same time, I have had enough and she is obviously not dealing well with stuff.

[Wakeup]

I suggest you do the email change first so that she can't get to you. If she somehow circumvents that and continues to defame and to contact and harass you then who cares what happens to her? She's screwing with your life and no one should be able to do that. You live in Canada and we have very strict privacy laws and rules in place here. Perhaps a lawyer writing her a decist letter would do the trick if need be and as a last resort. Try making it impossible for her to reach you and ignoring her completely by letting her phone calls go to voice mail (more proof of harrassment) is the first step... ignoring, block, delete her where possible I think.

Anyway, everytime you answer her, you're encouraging her to respond to your response so don't give her the opportunity and just ignore her.

[workingman78]

Thanks Wake Up for the solid advice.

[warriormaiden]

Someone is BITTER. Wow. It just totally gets me how someone can be so 'over you', yet has the time to sit and construct ways of ruining someone's life.

[workingman78]

Agreed, I guess I can admit my mistake in enabling her by responding. What I don't get about it, is I was doing what she asked, so why go there? I am beginning to think that with her," any attention is good attention" and I need to ignore it. I am feeling the hurt because she knows how to hurt me, she knows what to say to get the rise out of me, and what I need to do is steel myself and ignore it all. I am a good person, and I can't/shouldn't let her get under my skin.

[workingman78]

Got the last message from her last night, the complete guilt trip. i told her enough was enough and there was no reason for her to be doing this crap and she needed to move on. I got the "you never understood me, and you are a jerk" speech. New question, is this girl really crazy?

[Wakeup]

I thought you were going to ignore her ...

[workingman78]

I am ignoring her, she is on my blocked list now, I wrote her the last message I ever intend to write her yesterday morning before I even posted on here. Not responding to any more. As my best friend put it, "enabling the crazy" however I guess I am still trying to wrap my mind around the bs of all this. I was just throwing out there if anyone else thinks this girl is as "out there" as I am beginning to think. Don't worry, not going to "enable the crazy" with her anymore

[HeartIsAching]

Good lord. Cut ties. Are her kids yours? It didn't sound like it... if not, send her calls to VM hell, and send her emails to the trash unopened.

She's angry that you're apparently unhurt by this, and using abusive and illegal tactics to try to hurt you. By all means, call the cops.

[Tanguerra]

Shocking behaviour! Absolutely. Yes, she might be a little bit crazy! Does she drink or have any other kind of substance abuse issues? You should certainly ignore her. If she's doing this stuff to get attention don't give her any. She'll get sick of it eventually. Yes, the police would be an option if she doesn't desist.

[workingman78]

Kids are not mine, although I well say say I tried to treat them like they were my own. And yes she does drink in excess, sometimes a lot, usually justified it with a "I had a hard day and deserve this" It was another point of contention. I guess as hard as it is to admit, it was hard to have her say all the shit to me. I am affected by it, however I am going to let this be. She is not thinking clearly, and has obviously decided to make me the target of her angst. I hope she figures her self out and grows up, but either way, it no longer involves me.