Day 1 of No Contact

[LSgirl]

My boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me last night. Short background: we got together 2 months after his 8 year relationship ended, she cheated on him. Throughout our relationship he treated me well, loyal, honest, but he had an emotionall wall up and we both knew this.

I was arguing with him more recently (he doesn't communicate much when we argue, mostly me doing the talking so I get frustrated) but I try to communicate effectively without saying things I will regret. Finally last night he said (paraphrasing) "I don't want to fight anymore or at all. I can't do this anymore, I have to move on. Don't chase something you're never going to get from me (love). You deserve to find someone else who will. I have to do this, I don't think this can last. I don't want to hurt you anymore and can't keep up with this, goodbye" I knew that he had to be ******* or else he knew I wouldn't walk away. Even though I told myself Id never do it, I begged and pleadd and left voicemails.

So today starts Day 1 of No Contact. I've only felt this heartbroken once before 4 years ago with an ex so I've done this before, and I know this isn't going to be any easier. HOWEVER, I feel like I'm doing NC to see if he contacts me instead of using it to move on. I know I shouldn't after he made it clear of many things when we broke up and why would I want to go back to that. I just want to know if he's hurting too even though he's the dumper.

Another thing, I don't go out much, I'm kind of an introvert so it's hard for me to find something to do to keep my mind off things, but I do work full-time but I know when i'm home I'm just going to cry myself to sleep til I can get over this, how awful that I've been through something like this before and yet repeat the same heartbroken experience, I need to be stronger! Any advice?

[kbouquet]

My ex was with me too soon after a divorce. He had the wall up too. He ended for reasons like yours. Well, we got back together, then we broke up , then we got back together etc.
Five years later....He still won't move in with me so I had to end it. I believe we both are hoping that with some time (again) and professional therapy he might be able to break through this. I don't know if it is possible. I don't
know if I can wait. I think your guy will want you back if the love was strong enough after 10 months.

It has been three weeks. Today WAS 8 days of no contact but I broke it. I told him that I was seeing a therapist this week to probably help in getting on with my life but I wanted to know if he was still going to a therapist and if they thought he might possibly start to make some progress. He told he missed me next to him and he wold write tonight.

I am like you to; kind of an introvert. I don't have many friends and very little family. People are all too tired of hearing my story anyway. I now it effects me much more than him because he has a job plus his own business, and plenty of friends and family.

Please do keep up the no contact. What I have said to myself is what GOOD can it bring and then, what BAD can it bring. There is always more bad. They need to believe we are doing okay and might move on. I never begged and pleaded the previous times but I did try to convince him we could make it and be okay.

I cry a lot, too. It is good for us, they say. Even at work throughout the day I will start to tear a little.

I hope this helps a bit.

[LSgirl]

Thank you so much, that was very helpful to read. I can't take back that I begged and pleaded last night, but I have to start today. People told me I was just rebound, and maybe I was and should be grateful he was honest wtih me. I know he truly cared for me, he was very affectionate, humanitarian, loyal, honest, cooked for me, took me out (I took him out too) and more, but just the wall was always there. I'm not close nor have a big family, I tend to stay in and read or watch a movie, he loves to socialize and has many groups of friends. I'm glad there's people on here to help me out and it helps to read others stories too

[Miss_winter]

Hi LS,

I'm also like you. After my partner dumped me i really don't like going out at all. Today is my 3 days of no contact. It hurts like hell, but i'm sure i'll be able to get through this. I've been torturing myself for the past 4 weeks (not eating, begging, ignoring work, etc). But then i told myself, i have to stop trying and start living. When we already gave them the best, yet they still dumped us, it's their lost.

And like you, i'm also grateful i've found this forum. It really helps being here. So hang on there, you're not alone.

[sar]

Today is day one for me too. I feel like my heart is stitched to his and I have to force myself to rip it apart. Needless to say it hurts. Physically, emotionally and mentally. Especially since I'm the dumper.

[kbouquet]

LSgirl,

My guy let me know that he and his therapist agree he did not have enough time between relationships. Everyone is different. For me I don't need a very long time.

Does your guy think it might be that? Actually, I think it is really hard for them to figure that out.

I want to wait for min,e but I know it could be way too long to wait. It hurts so bad. I want to know if emailing occasionally is bad. Yeah, I know for me it is to move on, but is it bad for our chances.

[LSgirl]

Thanks guys for all your posts, I check back here all the time because I have nothing better to do at work lol I can't seem to do anything after work. Yesterday I went straight home and laid in bed all night until I fell asleep. I tried to read a few pages of a book but I couldn't stop thinking about him. What's worse is when you sleep and in your dreams you are still together, and you wake up and remember that you're not! So depressing. Even the thought of him with another girl really depresses me.

I know my guy only had 2 months to move on from his ex of 8 years (they were engaged) we both knew it was too soon but we dove into it anyway. It was a risk I was willing to take. I know he still hurts from her and may even miss her, but he's strong enough to never go back to her and told me he would never let a girl do that to him again. His ex is still with the person she cheated on him with. And now, whoever he dates next will have it a lot easier than I did because I helped him forget his ex and heal while the next girl wil have the best parts of him, just couldn't be me

Sometimes I think I'll never find anybody better than him which I know in reality that's not true and we're capable of loving many people but if it wasn't for his wall up and his lack of commitment (which yes, is a huge part in a relationship) everything else he did was so great! He was the first boyfriend I've had that I trusted and was supportive. I know while I'm at home having a pity party, he's probably out with his buddies, I'm just hoping he misses me somewhere inside him and may have the urge to contact me.

[Cerby]

Day 1 is a good start. Took me almost 2 months last breakup to feel like I could finally move on. Much like you I thought I would never find anyone like that ever again. I was so right! About 4 months after the breakup I found someone MUCH better for me.

Hang in there, each day at the beginning seems likea huge milestone, and after a while, they just start to roll on by.