is it worth trying again?

[poohbear]

I have been with a guy for 7 years. Problem is, he has never been faithful to me. We met online and in the beginning, he was still just chatting with other girls online. The first couple times, I overlooked it because we weren't that serious. But things kept happening. I would find phone numbers, text messages, emails and things from other girls. And every time he would wear it was nothing, just friends. I finally got fed up with it and broke up with him. Then I found out I was pregnant and decided to give it another shot for our child. Things were going good. Or so I thought. One night when he was putting our daughter to bed, his phone rang and I answered it. It was a woman and she hung up on me. I wanted to break it off but he convinced me to stay with him. He swore (again) that they were just friends and nothing more. Things just got worse from there. We argued all the time, he always spent all his time on the computer and not with me. So we came to a mutual agreement to end it but we wanted to wait until after the holidays because of our daughter. Well a couple weeks later, I found out I was pregnant again. So once again we gave it another shot for our child. He soon got a job as a trucker and I was left alone and pregnant and taking care of a 3 year old. While he was on the road, our daughter was playing on his computer and clicked on his email. I started looking at it and discovered he had cheated on me again around the time I got pregnant with our son. The emails gave me proof that he had slept with her and he was telling her that he couldnt wait to be a family with her and her girls and him and my daughter. I always suspected things around that time but he convinced me that I was paranoid and that nothing was going on. I confronted him about the emails and he finally admitted to cheating and asked me to forgive him, that it would never happen again. That was a year ago. Recently, I found a text message in his phone where he asked a woman to dinner. I asked him about it and he says she was just a friend and that they didn't go out. I have no trust left in him at all. I want things to work for the sake of our children but I'm not sure if it's worth trying again. Any advice would be helpful

[Miss_winter]

Not worth it. His cheating is already a habit. Time to love yourself more and find a real man who deserves you.

[Wakeup]

If you want things to work with him for your children's sake then you need to accept and realize that this man is never going to change and you're going to have to accept his extra curricular activities. Have you broached having a sanctioned open relationship with him wher BOTH of you can have others on the side but you remain together for "the sake of the children?" I could never see myself doing such a thing but there are many, many peoply who have such a relationship.

He comes home to you for a reason, have you ever asked him why when he could easily just be single and have a new girl in every long haul port he hits?

If you can't see yourself in a sanctioned open union then it's best you leave him outright because when you're alone with your children most of the time and you're not a happy camper, they're going to notice and it will affect them. Maybe marital counceling will help him to remain monogamous? Have you suggested that?

[bulrush]

1. Why in the world would you want to form a relationship with a man who is clearly not trustworthy? Are you kidding yourself? Do you really think that is all you deserve?

No, you should not get back to him. If he cheats, then lies about it, what other problems does he have?

2. An open relationship takes complete honesty (he doesn't have it), trust (you no longer have it), and an acceptance of the situation. Also, it doesn't work with people who have issues with jealousy. It's very difficult, because you have to really deal honestly with your own emotional issues, and trust your partner completely, before an open relationship will work. Not many people make it work because of this. They are in denial that they have issues, or they don't want to deal with them, or counseling is too expensive. Whatever.

I have read about people who make it work and they are very happy. I do not recommend it to everyone. And I do not recommend it for you.

[Wakeup]

It could work for the Op as well if the only reason she wants to stay with this man is for the children's sake and for the security of a partnership. A perfect example of a woman who stayed with and was happy mostly (untill just recently) in their 28 year union is Shannon Tweed and Gene Simmons. She knew all along that he was going to bed with whatever groupy would have him but she stayed with him until this year when she left and that's when he decided to marry her. They have two (apparently) well adjusted children together that they love without a doubt. Will he remain faithful now that they're married? Remains to be seen but he is in his 60's now and he and Shannon went through extensive couples counceling so chances are higher that he will.

Their common glue, they loved one another ... Just saying.

It probably won't work with the op if she can't see herself doing the same thing or if she is morally against such a thing. Short of leaving, counceling or joining him in his promiscuity there isn't much else she can do because by his pattern, her SO will not be changing anytime soon by the looks of things.

[gabby8855]

i know its important to u that u wanna work things out for the kids, but its ur life too and u dont deserve to be treated like that. maybe u guys can work something out so the kids will still see their father, but honestly, u need to get the hell out of that relationship. its not healthy for u and u can definately find someone who will treat u like gold. me personally, i would have been out of there a long time ago. hes not doing anything for u besides hurting u. why do u wanna be with someone like that

[pixiesticks]

No. He is a liar and a cheat - and it's pretty clear he's not going to change his ways. You will be living a constant wonder life, "wondering" if he's being truthful and faithful, yuck. Lose the looser. Not only is he completely disrespectful to you, but to the whole family! This kind of cheater/liar will keep on doing whatever he can get away with - Who's to say you won't catch some nasty 'road side' STD from this bum. Trust me, this guy has nothing but agony to offer you. DUMP HIM!