Does FWB ever turn into something more?

[kajinn]

So I'm sure the regulars know most of my story. It has now taken a very unpredictable turn. A short recap: I've been seeing this girl for over a month, we hit it off great, alwyas have fun and started sleeping together rather quickly. Last week her most serious ex (from over a year ago, they were almost engaged) called her out of the blue and stirred up her emotions and she now realizes she isn't ready for a committed relationship. She finally told me this tonight and we talked about it. She said she doesn't want to lead me on and that she loves hanging out with me and always has fun. I do like her but I am not invested yet. I told her we don't need to make any committments and that I am fine with just hanging out and having fun. I told her if it develops it develops but if I meet someone before then we will have to stop hanging out. I also said that I don't sleep with multiple people and the same for her, if something comes up to tell me I won't be mad about it (ironically this ends up being an exclusive talk eh?). She said she agrees and that she doesn't sleep around either. So now the relationship is some amalgamation of exclusive romantic friends with benefits.

There are some things I am wondering from this point. I acknowledge this relationship for what it is. She is flat out not ready to commit and it isn't going to happen any time soon (if at all). However, I could see myself with this girl and would actually like it if that ended up working out. I also don't mind the alternative that we keep hanging out untill I find someone new... I am not going to take myself out of the field and wait/hope for something to come from this situation. That said, do friends (or whatever we are) with benefits ever turn into something more? Aside from time, is there anything I can do with her to shift things in that direction? I know she has feelings for me she just has too much emotional baggage to get into a real relationship right now. Any thoughts from anyone (from her point of view) who has been in this very strange situation before?

[kitty001]

yea, fwbs sometimes do phase into relationships. i was in a similar situation with my current boyfriend...when we first started dating, he was still not completely over his last ex. just take it slow, keep things light and fun, and if it's meant to be it will work out

[oldskool83]

in my case it turned into a friend only who downloads me the music i want in return for food. this is of course after the sex stopped. so im gonna say no, its normaly what it means.

[kajinn]

The thing is, we aren't really "friends with benefits" there was just not a better term to label it. I was looking around at other posts about the whole FWB thing and almost every situation is where the two people are friends and end up becoming physical. And typically the outcome of that is, it ALMOST never ends up in a real relationship and it's usually the guy who runs away. We were never friends (or only friends for the first couple days) and then things started to happen rather quickly from there. The only way for me to tell where our relationship is at is to talk to her and see how she acts when we hang out. I think I am going to have her come over tonight and talk briefly about our situation and see where the boundaries are. I think communication is going to be key here so that I can avoid looking like a fool and she can avoid any uncomfortable situations. If she wants to cut all the romatic things then we have just become friends. If she wants to keep up the physical aspect only, then we have just become friends with benefits. If she doesn't want to change anything about our relationship other than to relieve the stress of it becoming a commitment too soon then I would consider that to be dating/seeing each other. What do you guys think?

Oh and kitty, in the time where you guys took it slow, what did your relationship look like? Did you guys make out/sleep together/cuddle or have sleep overs? Did you go on dates like out to dinner etc? Or did you just meet up, go out on a date once in awhile, and then go home for a period of time until he was ready to take the next step?

[bulrush]

Sometimes FWB does turn into something more serious, with feelings. But do feelings have to equate to a commitment? That's a personal choice for you to make. Some people want to explore the feelings without the commitment hanging over their head.

[kitty001]

well, we met at school, and eventually we started going out to restaurants and bars with mutual friends. in the beginning, we were hooking up around once or twice a week, usually on the weekends. during the week we'd see each other a few times, either with friends or occasionally one-on-one.

after the first month, our relationship progressed to a more "couple-ly" stage..we were spending more and more alone time together, cooking together, and sleeping over each others apartments several nights a week. by the end of two months, we were acting very exclusive- we'd spend a lot of time together, he'd take me out to expensive restaurants, etc.