Socially awkward girl needs friend/relationship advice

[mcphillips]

Basically, I suck at social stuff, so I need advice. (For perspective's sake, I'm a 20 year old college sophomore)

There's this guy. I met him in my chemistry lab a few weeks ago (about the end of September) and we hit it off right away. We have a ton in common and spend hours just talking whenever we hang out. Once we part for the evening, he asks "When can I see you tomorrow?" We eat lunch or dinner together most days of the week, and usually he's the one who asks if I want to join him. We're constantly making plans to hang out and watch movies (we're both film buffs). He's met some of my friends, and they all confirm that he seemed really flirty with me in particular. In short, I definitely got the feeling that he was interested in me. And there's no question that I am interested in him, and I feel like I've made that abundantly clear to him. If nothing else, I already consider him a good friend.

Well, come to find out (almost accidentally) that he has a girlfriend who goes to another college. When I asked, I found out that they have been dating for 2 and a half years (which means since high school). SO. Either I am misreading the signs and he isn't being flirty at all, just friendly, or he is considering cheating on his girlfriend, or he is interested in a "if only I were single" kind of way, which means that he is being kind of a jerk and leading me on. Even if he is just being friendly, I still think that if my boyfriend were spending as much time with another girl as this guy does with me, I would be kinda upset with him. (Let me make it clear that I'm not at all interested in being "the other woman" and have him cheat on his girlfriend)

Now, I'm a socially awkward person. I am ridiculously shy a lot of the time, and I have a really hard time making friends. I mean, I'm good at reaching the "polite hello when I see you in the dining hall" stage of friendly acquaintances, but terrible at reaching the "let's hang out outside of class" stage of actual friendship. I've never had a boyfriend, and precious few guys have ever even shown interest. What I'm saying is, I'm rather inept when it comes to normal social interaction.

My question is this: Am I totally misreading the signs? Is he just a very friendly person? Do normal friends (who have practically just met) spend this much time together? Should I talk to him about it? Should I stop seeing him, or see him less? Should I just wait it out, continue hanging out with him and see what happens?

Sorry this is so long, and sorry if I sound completely needy and immature. I just have absolutely no experience with relationships and feel like I am out of my depth.

[nerdy_guy]

As a socially awkward person myself, I'd say that you might be misreading that, especially since you admitted yourself that not a lot of guys come your way and those handful few seems to always bring some sense of belonging. Let's see, personally, I'd say that its possible to be friendly like he is to you. You yourself should know what should be the limit of being friends and being made into "the other woman". When you've drawn that boundary, and he steps over it, then that should be a sign. Basic boundaries should also be in the form of actions, and not frequency of an activity. Like, it doesn't matter if you have lunch with him everyday, but he should not be holding your hand or kissing you... you know, something like that. Its something you should try to figure out what should be the limit. Of course, frequency problems come in if you start having feelings for him due to frequent exposure, so, in that respect, try to think about it if it's something that should be of concern.

[bulrush]

And there's no question that I am interested in him, and I feel like I've made that abundantly clear to him.

Sorry, but my experience is when most people flirt, especially young people, they send very vague messages that can easily be interpreted as "let's be friends". What exactly did you tell him? Be specific.

My question is this: Am I totally misreading the signs? Is he just a very friendly person? Do normal friends (who have practically just met) spend this much time together? Should I talk to him about it? Should I stop seeing him, or see him less? Should I just wait it out, continue hanging out with him and see what happens?

IMO, he wants to cheat on his gf. Why did he not tell you this right off? Why did you find out accidentally? Because he didn't want you to know. He probably misses his gf and he has needs. So my advice is to stop hanging out with him, because if you hang out with him, I think he will escalate to kissing and then other stuff with you.