Does Busy always mean rejection?

[datinglov]

Last week this really smart and cute girl in my class caught up with me (& touched my shoulder) afterwards and we walked together for a while. Though she is cute, I definitely am only trying to be friends. So I decided, next week I will see if she wants to chill after class. So we walk together at the end again, at the corner where I turn, I said, I'm gonna grab some food, wanna come? And she gets super flustered and literally didn't stop talking but did not form a coherent sentence for a good 20 seconds, while I stood there smiling, understanding it wasn't gonna be a "sure." I also tried to interject, to say it's ok! But she said she had too much stuff to do that night, so I said, alright, see ya! cause that's where I was going my own direction. She was still flustered and kept saying funny, flustered things, including "have fun with your food." She was definitely out of it.

But she was totally normal until right then! So basically, i'm trying to figure out if she was creeped out by me (even though I tried my best to keep it casual). Or if she was genuinely busy but was still interested in hanging out sometime. Since we have a class together, perhaps that is why she didn't offer up another time. Also, my offer was kinda for the here and now, hungry so lets go eat type of thing. Also, she was, like I said, absolutely flustered. It was cute! But I just gotta figure out where I stand so I can leave the poor girl alone if she doesn't want to be friends.

Some of my female friends have told me that its really the opposite of what i fear, and that she got flustered because she liked me and not because she didn't. But I really don't want to suppose that and come on too strong!

[smackie9]

If you want to date someone don't be friends first or you never get past friends. Girls want a man to step up and show interest, so no fussin around. She wasn't rejecting you but had a little stage fright and was taken back. There is a possibility she has a BF, or a long distance BF, but don't let that stop you from trying. Just keep asking her out she will eventually give in.

[bloodtippedrose]

Yep. What smackie said. It could be possible she has a bf and isn't ready to admit to it yet. In any case though it sounds like she totally digs you and you caught her off guard asking her "out" so early lol. To you it seemed casual but to her it was a date proposal. I feel so embarrassed for her lol, I hate when I babble I feel like such an idiot afterward. I only babble to guys I think are cute, people I look up to and people with authority, sooo it seems like a good sign. Just keep acting friendly and casual around her and if you DO want to eventually date her then don't let yourself get friend-zoned! It can happen quicker than you think!

[datinglov]

Thanks sooo much for the replies! I have been off the market for 3.5 years until about a month ago, so I could use all the help I can get!

As far as being friend-zoned, is that really something i gotta worry about? I'm worried that if I try to skip that step of establishing comfort between us, I will have less of a chance to let her open herself to me.

And for next week, should I walk and talk with her after class again? should i say anything about last week? Make another offer to chill? Wait for her to say something about it? I'm such a noob its not even funny.

[smackie9]

We have been on the boards long enough to know if they get too comfortable with you, you look like a wimp ass and they don't want to date you. We have seen this mistake many many times. You want a girl to be interested in you, you have to do the push and pull method. You give her extra special attention, be a little forward, flirt, then you pull back and play it kool till she comes to you. You want sexual tension to build up, not comfort.....see what I mean? If you don't show her you desire her, she will think there is something wrong with her. So work it for about a week. Walk with her one day, and don't see her the next, repeat.

[bloodtippedrose]

Yes walk and talk with her after class again.
No don't talk about what happened last week.
Yes make another offer but not right away.
No don't wait for her to bring up hanging out, even if she wants too she will most likely be waaaayy too shy to ever ask.

Being friend-zoned is definitely a mistake many guys make and its nearly irreversible. Wanting her to be comfortable around you is a okay but you cant pretend that you don't like her because soon she'll file you away as "someone not interested" then it quickly turns to "like a brother" from there.
I felt SUPER comfortable around my high school guy friends and they admitted they crushed on me way too late. It was just really awkward for both of us as I didn't see them as dating material anymore. The sooner a guy lets me know he's interested the better his chances. Have a great time talking and once you feel like you guys click then GO for it.

[datinglov]

Shit, I will watch out for this friend-zone business then. I guess my plan right now is to just walk with her again next week and not ask her if she wants to hang out, but maybe the week after that I will say jokingly, "if you don't have so much crap to do this week, the offer still stands!"

Since she got that flustered over what i thought was a non-threatening outreach, I can't imagine she would be too ready for anything past that, which is why I'm a little worried about how to avoid the friend zone without coming on too strong. Also, the class is only once a week, which is drawing this process out quite a bit. Haha and every time, I have an entire week to replay it in my head over and over again!

Also, I forgot to ask! Should I add her on facebook? if so, when? I do want to be tactful and laid back, so maybe its not a good idea.

[bloodtippedrose]

Okay well, adjusting for how well vs. awkward things go with her... if I were you my game plan would be talk/have fun upcoming week. talk/have fun week after. add her on facebook later this week but before next class. talk/have fun next class. Ask her out again this week or next. That makes it soon, but not so soon it scares her off, and you get some time to get to know her a little better (including if shes taken!)

[bulrush]

Sounds like she likes you, but that doesn't mean she's ready to date you yet. So, ask her out 3 times. On the third time say "This is your last chance." She if she accepts. If not, that's your cue to move on.

[datinglov]

Lol, i tried so hard to have it not sound datey!!! But yeah I will play it a bit cool next time. I will try to walk a few steps ahead to give her the option to catch up to me again, so that if she didn't want to walk together, she wouldn't have to. Lol, "have fun with your food." I hope I will one day get to tease her for that.

[smackie9]

You should have came back with "Id rather have fun with you" *wink*

[toshiba]

It sounds like she likes you.

If not interested, a girl can easily say "sorry, I have a BF" to diffuse any advances she gets from a guy.

I don't know too much about FB etiquette, but as far as I know everyone adds everyone. Seeing her info (relationship status) could be helpful.

...maybe the week after that I will say jokingly, "if you don't have so much crap to do this week, the offer still stands!"

I like that!

[datinglov]

Haha, I am so nervous for this week. I really hope she makes the decision to walk with me again! If she doesn't, i don't know if it would be right to chase her.

[smackie9]

Don't chase dude be kool.......

[bloodtippedrose]

Lol, "have fun with your food." I hope I will one day get to tease her for that.

Even if you guys turn out to be just friends this will still be gold to tease her about later on ;P
When my now-bf asked me on a date over a voice mail, he stumbled on his words then said bye, pulled the phone away and I faintly heard "F*CK!!!" It was sooooo funny and awesome to tease him about a month or two later.