I ask for a Relationship Advice

[tsutsu]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and we've known each other for 3 years now. We were friends at first because I was in another relationship, which was really bad and abusive. My last partner was cheating on me and stuff, and convinced me I was totally worthless, and I really wanted out of that relationship so I decided I didn't deserve such torture and ended it. Then I met my current boyfriend. He was a great friend and he helped me after the break-up. I started liking him before I broke up with my last partner, and he liked me too, and then 6 months later, we started dating.

It was really different from my past relationship (which was btw, my first serious relationship). It felt like a "real" relationship, if you know what I mean, because my last relationship was based on pity and my feeling of worthlessness, but this, this is, like... the real thing, you know. I am so in love with him, I love him so much, I'm scared I love him too much, because, I can't function without him. I'm depending on him so badly. He says it's okay, but I'm scared it's not.

Our relationship is perfect when we're together, but, since we're college students, we can't be together ALL the time. And that is where the problem is.

When we're together, he treats me like I'm his most precious thing in life, but when he goes home, that changes. He starts ignoring me, he changes completely. He becomes a cold, always angry and annoyed person I can't stand, not because I wouldn't love him, but because it makes me very sad to see him so broken and in so much stress. He is so sad when he's visiting, and I don't understand why is he visiting so often if it makes him sad.

His family lives in another country, and they don't have much money, so he visits once in every 2-3 months. He goes to college in my hometown, and I go to college in another town.

So, my problem is, that, I feel heartbroken whenever he's going away. I can't explain it. I don't want him to visit his family. I didn't tell him all that, but I hinted I wanted him to give me at least 15 minutes of his time each day when he's away. He said okay.

Still, I don't believe he would try to change his behaviour when he's at home.

When he has to deal with me and our relationship, he's the man I love, and when he has to deal with his family, he becomes a sad, frustrated person. I can't stand it. I feel like he pauses his feelings for me whenever he visits his family and goes home.

What should I do?

[Cerby]

You do nothing, when he is visiting him family that is his time. You believe that your relationship with him is more important than his relationship with his family, and it isn't. The fact that you don't want him to go at all is reflective of some serious issues on your side, possibly from your past relationship.

I think you might be asking too much of him.

[tsutsu]

That might be true, I might have some issues I don't know how to fix.