Unsure about Love

[Good_Man]

I've been married for 4 years and we have two beautiful boys aged 2 and a half and 4 and a half. My problem is that I sometimes fantasise about being single and often think about other women. I don't know whether this is normal fantasy or whether I am seriously falling out of love. I've been under a lot of stress and pressure lately and have been very focused on study, which has made my wife feel isolated and she told me that it we might as well be apart if we're going to be like that. I told her we just needed a holiday as we haven't had one for over 5 years (nor a honeymoon) and we have just been under a lot of stress which is normal. I feel like I fall into negative thoughts about her whenever she is rude to me or says little things that make me feel criticised or looked down on. Her parents divorced and I wonder if she expects that in her life. My parents stayed married and I would hate to break up and have that influence on my children.

[IndiReloaded]

You're normal. Marriage oscillates. Up and down...and up again.

[kbee]

Don't give up. Fantasizing is not a good sign-- while it might be normal to think about someone else occasionally, doing so regularly is a red flag. Talk openly with your wife about what you need and what she needs (sexually, emotionally, anything) and instead of focusing on faults and getting personal, work towards resolutions. You loved her and married her for good reasons. Staying together takes effort; falling apart is easy. And if you ever think about cheating or 'migrating', it will never be as good as it appears from the other side of the fence, and you will surely have worry, guilt, shame, doubt and mistrust hanging over your head. Not to mention the kids will probably not be as happy and not as connected to both their parents if you split. And when they see you two split up, that's setting an example for them. Couples have have lasted a lifetime through marriage, and there are always people who have gone through way worse things than you. Why or how do they stay together? Because they make a decision to. They decide to make it work. You have to want the marriage, even though at times you feel like you don't want your partner. Decide to love and forgive. It will return in your favor.

I would suggest watching the movie "Fireproof" alone, or with your wife. It will surely get a good point across.

Also, why would anyone get married, expecting a divorce later? That's ridiculous thinking. Work it out. Talk to her. Fantasizing is just that--fantasy. For fantasies like the kind you're having to become a *successful* reality is rare, and in my opinion, requires selfish behavior to make it happen.

[HDBadger]

Good post by kbee.

It's marriage. You didn't think it was going to be easy, did you?

[itsme2]

You should probably try counseling. Marriage is alot of work and all marriages have their ups and downs. But divorce is alot of hard work too because you still have to work together for the sake of your kids.
(I'm divorced, husband left). Divorce isn't easy. It's emotionally hard. And when you have kids, it's ESPECIALLY hard on them. I feel it should be considered a "last resort"