not sure what I am doing wrong

[sweetgirl1989]

I have been in many relationships. All of which have ended horrible. I dont understand what I have done so wrong. I want to change or find out what I am doing wrong so I can stop making these apparent mistakes that I am making. Any help or any questions I am willing to answer

[Yet another guy]

Don't go for the bad boys.
Make an effort for the relationship.
Get rid of your insecurities and fears.
Those are just a few obvious things. I've never been in a relationship, so I don't have any silver bullets of experience for you.
For detailed answers, maybe you should tell us, what has caused your relationships to end.

[sweetgirl1989]

im not really sure what caused my last relationship to end.

Some of the background of it is we where together for 6 months. We where pretty much perfect for each other, but we fought about one thing. When the weekends would role around I would ask him what days he was hanging out with his friends. So for example he would tell me Friday, Well I work at a job where double shifts are always available and my boss had called me and told me I get to pick whether I wanted to work over Friday, Saturday or Sunday. So My thought was, Ill do it Friday because he has plans with his friends that way I will get to see him at our normal time after I get off on Saturday and I didn't wanna do it Sunday because then I would of had to go to bed Early on Saturday. So, I told him I took a double on Friday to make sure that I got to spend time with him and he said "Alright, That works." A few hours later He texted me and told me that They want to hang out on Saturday instead. Now, It might partiality be my fault because I did get upset because I just made all of that effort to make sure that I could see him on the day that He told me we could hang out. But I also am not the kind of girlfriend who just says 'you have to hang out with me on these days, I don't care what you and your friends are doing.' I was taking the effort to let them make plans first. All of his friends are unemployed full time college students, I'm a full time worker. They have all weekend to do whatever they want. I don't know why it is impossible for them too keep plans.

We had this fight on the 21st. I told him I would try not to get mad anymore and try to be more flexible instead of him feeling that it was his fault. the 22nd he wanted to break up, but he said he still loves me and is willing to try to work threw it. by the 24th he has deleted me as his girlfriend on Facebook and then tell me he doesn't love me anymore. I have NO Idea what happened there.

[Gypsybell]

Don't see anything there that is your fault, other than you wanting to spend time with him and trying to arrange for that to happen at his convenience. Not sure of your ages, but if he is still hanging out with college mates then you are both probably 20ish or less. Your B/f is not being fair and i would hazzard a guess that he is not ready to be in a committed relationship. Males tend to take longer to mature than females, its the way of things. If you are used to working and taking on double shifts then You are ahead of him (presuming he is still in college or at least free to dally socially and not working) I wouldn't despair of your relationship failures to this point, its just the age of the boys and you're ready to commit whilst they , understandably, are not.

Perhaps you get too serious too fast, or have a possessive attitude? 'Many relationships?' how many in how many years? Have you spent time alone getting to know the joys of independance or do you rush into relationships for fear of being alone? Too needy? Was your b/f really just wanting a weekend to do his own thing because he felt too constricted? Guess you need to take a step back from it and see if there are paterns repeating and why you are so desperate to commit to a relationship instead of getting a better job that doesn't expect you to do double shifts as a matter of routine. Make sure you are not looking at a relationship as an escape route. Marriage is just a lifetime of double shifts if you are not with an equal partner.

[Yet another guy]

Hmm, I'm guessing that he got scared out of the relationship because you started a fight out and got mad of such a small thing. I mean, sure it was something to talk over and him to apologize but I think that fighting about it is a bit extreme.
Then again, I suppose that ending the relationship just because there was one fight suggests that there were other problems too. Perhaps something that he didn't talk about. In the end, it's probably for your benefit that he broke up.

[bulrush]

I don't see anything that is your fault. In fact, I think you went above and beyond what you had to do, by trying to change your work plans AGAIN after he changed his plans to Saturday. I think he is a bit immature in that he doesn't realize it might be hard for you to change your work plans a second time. Also, I think he had another girl waiting for him, which is why it was so easy to break up with you suddenly. It's possible, but not guarenteed.

Also, try not to date the best looking guys. They know they are good-looking, so in general, they have no reason to work on the relationship. Try an average guy. They put more effort into the relationship. Just sayin. Whenever you date someone just for looks, things often fall apart.

There ARE some nice people out there who are good looking, honest, and know how relationships work, but they are pretty rare.

[sweetgirl1989]

He wasn't the best looking guy, He is a nerd. lol. The best looking guys don't impress me at all. I think that they are mostly just players. But I don't think that my ex was ugly either. I don't find people attractive on how they look. I find them attractive based on their personality. I'm starting to feel a lot better knowing that a bunch of people believe that this wasn't my fault. There was a mention that Maybe we were rushing things. We where not. I used to be the kind of person to rush into things because I would like to get married one day. But I got engaged to someone after less then 4 months and he cheated on me 11 times. It was never Physical cheating, But it was sexting and a whole bunch of other stuff. Living together and what not. It was hard. And I'm not ready for that. I'm still young, I'm only 22, ill be 23 in march. I am wanting to get my life straightened out. I'm thinking about going to college and I know if I go to college and have a full time job at the hospital that I wont have the time to give a boyfriend.
And when I say a lot of relationships I mean quite a few. But most of them do not last long. When I start dating someone, that doesn't mean I want to start sleeping with them right away. And that is why most of the relationships ended, Because I wouldn't give it up easy. sex complicates things. Especially when you are trying to get to know someone. I just attract the wrong guys I guess or they just think I am a conquest. Its hard to sort out the good guys from the bad. I like to think I have a level head on my shoulders. I enjoy being alone and single sometimes. But I find passion in making people smile and laugh, I love making people happy. I wasn't even really looking for a relationship at all when I found my ex. But I guess you all are right. Everything happens for a reason.

[toshiba]

You are right, you have a fairly set schedule, he doesn't. The least he can do is plan things around yours. It sounds like you are going about it in a nice, accommodating way too, asking him what days are ok first.

My GF has a very busy schedule, but has off Sunday and Wed. I do my best to keep those days open for us, it's the least I can do.

And that is why most of the relationships ended, Because I wouldn't give it up easy.

Not putting out and seeing who sticks around is a good indicator. Don't give him what he wants until you get what you want.