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Thread: In love but she is so confusing Advice would be great.

  1. #1
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    In love but she is so confusing Advice would be great.

    Alright So I know this girl for awhile from school but we were never really friends she just dated one of my friends who im not longer friends with and even then we really did not talk. but its been about 6years since we been out of school and she came over one day when one of my friends invited her over to my house to go to a club. now ever since then we been talking and hanging out now for 4months and about 2 or 3 weeks ago I ask her if she would go out with me and she said yes., but then 2 days later she said im not sure im ready and i said it was fine that I can wait. the reason she told me is because she just got out of a 3 years relationship with a guy and she kinda just got out of jail after being in there for a year for something she did that was not on purpose and while she was in there on the last 4 months her ex broke up with her. so now she trying to get everything straight in her life before she even wants to date. but the thing is she tells people at the bars that she likes me but its hard to keep in touch with her because it seems like she makes things weird. ill txt her and she will talk for a bit and then stop txt me completely. Pretty much its hard to get time with her other than on Thursdays when we go to the bar and play darts. I dont try to txt her all day or often because I feel like I will start bugging her and its hard to see her because she stays with her sisters and she works odd hours and she babysits her sisters kid. and this is really not your average girl she is much different than anyone I have ever dated. she quite and a little shy. only time she not like that is when we are playing darts or drinking at the bar. and we are suppose to have dinner at my house this Tuesday and I was just wondering if anyone could maybe give me some advice on what I should do or try to change. Just the feelings I have I know are stronger than the ones she has for me.

  2. #2
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    Set a date in a week or so and ask her to meet you there. If she turns up its a good start then occasionally send her flowers or a card saying how special she is. If she backs out of date accept she's not the one

  3. #3
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    Put your own feelings aside and just be interested in her. If she has been in jail then she is traumatized. Losing a relationship as well is a double whammy. Think about how you would feel with your liberty and rights stripped from you. You seem to be brushing this aside as 'something or other..' and in the done with past. It's a pretty big deal, you need to be very non threatening and look for ways to build her self confidence on the social scene. She may have trust issues, not to mention self consciousness about her jail record. Not surprising she sticks with her sisters for support. She may not be ready for a boyfriend, but a friend who puts her at ease and isn't waiting to pounce for his own agenda is sure to be a bonus. In a nutshell, take it slow and try to make her laugh and share her thoughts. Good luck.

  4. #4
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    ...she just got out of a 3 years relationship with a guy and she kinda just got out of jail after being in there for a year for something she did that was not on purpose and while she was in there on the last 4 months her ex broke up with her.
    She was in jail for a year, and had a relationship with a guy while SHE was in jail? And she went to jail for something "that was not on purpose"? She can't even put on her big girl panties and admit she broke the law? I see this ending badly.

    Ok. You can't change her. She might like you, but she also might not be ready for a (serious) relationship. Hence your confusion. But if she shows up for dinner, then try to kiss her. If she refuses, then she just wants to be friends, and use you to get free meals. If you're fine with just being friends, then be friends.
    I have a long time interest in psychology, specializing in relationship dynamics for 30 years.
    (Please note, we give the best advice we can based on the information given in a post. For better advice, please include the age of all romantic partners.)

  5. #5
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    Thanks guys a lot of your comments have help me out and have also gave me a few diffrent views. I think your right I'm just going to sit back and be that friend and try not to push for my own agenda right now. Instead try to be there for her as a friend and maybe later on if it works out it works. But I'm also going to try to talk to her about having a date week if she says no then ill just. Wait and hope for us to become something more in the future.

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