Did I ruin your engagement or was I put in a bad position...

[skeeziix]

Recently, I planned a trip for my friends to join me out of town for Halloween. I had job training so I was going to be there anyways. One of my friends couldn't make the trip so it left it to me and another couple. The guy decides a few days prior to this trip that he wants to propose. I told him more than once that I thought that would be weird and awkward because it would be just the 3 of us there; especially since we were all sharing a room together. He reassured me that it wouldn't so I agreed to help him with the proposal; I went above and beyond making calls for the flowers and picking up stuff for the special day since I was down in the town early for training.

Prior to leaving my training had almost got cancelled so we were going to be able to drive together, but then my training was back on. The boyfriend asked if i had "planned the whole time that they would drive separately", they both knew I had training and the only reason I suggested going to this town was because I was going to be there already? Then when it came time for them to pay for their part of the room I said we would split it 3 ways and they got upset that it wasn't 50/50, why should I have to spend more?

After the proposal we all went out to a bar. When we got there he sat in the middle of us with his back to me while they canoodled and made out, completely ignoring that I existed. I asked her later if she minded sitting in the middle because I felt like the 3rd wheel. We all went out on the dance floor they proceeded to grind on each other and make out the whole time, while I stood there by myself. So I said it again that I felt weird like the 3rd wheel that I should be there and that this time should have been shared between the two of them. In the whole of the night I think I told them that I felt I was the 3rd wheel half a dozen times because it was awkward being around them while they kissed and snuggled the whole time, I felt like I was intruding on something that should have been just them. It would have been different maybe if we were in a town where I knew people or if I had another friend with.

At the end of the night I had met a group of people guys and girls who invited me to an after-bar. When I told my friends that I was going to an after-bar they got pissed off and accused me of leaving with a "stranger who I just met" as if I was being a skanky slut, all they saw was me leaving with 1 dude, little did they know it was to an after-bar. They physically tried to pull me with them I had to shake myself free. I was like take this time to go back to the hotel and enjoy yourself I don't want to go back there that I shouldn't have been there the whole time! I went back early Friday night because you guys wanted to, this trip wasn't just about you guys I planned it to celebrate Halloween and I want to go to this party. They texted me saying I was rude for leaving, I said blatantly to them that I thought it was rude to make a trip about just them and force me to feel uncomfortable all night when I had planned the whole thing and paid a lot of money to be out of town for the weekend. I felt like her boyfriend stole a weekend I had planned to make it a romantic getaway for 2 with a stowaway, joy for me.

Now she says I stole a moment she had waited for all her life, 1 she has been married before, 2 this is her 3rd engagement. I tried to apologize for ruining her engagement but she proceeded to tell me that she didn't think we could ever be friends again. Am I totally off base for getting upset? If this trip had been specifically planned just for her and him to get engaged then I probably wouldn't have agreed to even go from the beginning but I did what I could to try to enjoy myself and make it special. The day was all good and special until they wanted to leave and tell me I HAD to go with them. I am 34 I don't HAVE to do anything.

Am I really in the wrong here or what???

[girl68]

No neither of you are wrong. You should have known this would have happened, but they shouldn't have been soo over the top. You both did bad. Oh well, leave them be for a long while. Give them your well wishes "Congrats on your enagement" and get on with life. Should she get in touch, fine if not OH WELL.

[HeartIsAching]

I see a lot of things here - mainly that you have insecurities, and they're thoughtless and controlling.

You were right in that they should've paid less attention to each other, and more to you. However, your feelings about that are your own, you can't assign them blame for your feelings. Nobody "makes" you feel anything.

Them physically putting their hands on you and trying to pull you back against your will was very controlling, as well as a misdemeanor battery. Telling you that you "have" to go with them was also very controlling.

The fact that he assigned unjustified motives for your transportation arrangements doesn't bode well either - this marriage (if it ever happens) will end disastrously, I'd put money on it.

[skeeziix]

I guess I don't see how I have insecurities it was just awkward it wasn't like I was running around saying pay attention to me. I was saying wow this sucks I spent time and money to be out of town to watch two people make-out and treat me like I didn't exist on a trip I planned. It would have been different if there were other people coming on the trip not just the 3 of us. At one point at the hotel she was straddling him on the bed next to me, she laughed and said "What? This isn't sexual!" then she looked longingly into his eyes and proceeded to make out. I guess I just felt it was inappropriate for Randy to make a trip I planned and make it into an opportunity for him to use it as a romantic vacation for him and his girlfriend, especially after I had voiced my concerns. If it had been planned originally to be specifically for them to get engaged then yeah my bad.

[MerryH]

Your friends are selfish assholes. I don't think you did anything wrong besides not having the foresight to know that the trip would be awkward. And you probably should have separated from them soon after they started ignoring you. But they were being really inconsiderate.

Her breaking off your friendship because you "ruined" her engagement is for the best. Imagine what kind of bride she will be and what a terror she will be about her wedding. Be glad you not going to be around for that. She'll be a nightmare. One of those "me me ME ME! It's MY SPECIAL DAY!!!!" brides. Uggghhh.

I haaate couples like that, who don't have any boundaries and think they're entitled to everyone acting as if their relationship is much more important than anything. 50/50 on the hotel room. Ugggghhhh.

[bulrush]

0. Decide how bills will be split BEFORE reservations are made.

1. Always get the money up front before the reservations are made. Even if they are your best friends.

2. I think both of you had different expectations for the trip as a whole. I think she was acting like Bridezilla personally.

3. I can't believe you're 34 and you still have friends like this. Don't talk to them anymore if she's going to be like that. Good riddance.

4. If the couple (your friends) were making out and you wanted to go to an after bar, so what? They should get a room anyway.

[skeeziix]

You ever have one of those break ups where it feels like the weight has been lifted off of your chest well that is how it feels about these two. It's strange I feel like wow what the hell was I doing! I agree yes I am 34 and it is time to get rid of inconsiderate assholes like this...

[HeartIsAching]

You ever have one of those break ups where it feels like the weight has been lifted off of your chest well that is how it feels about these two. It's strange I feel like wow what the hell was I doing! I agree yes I am 34 and it is time to get rid of inconsiderate assholes like this...

Oh yes.

Even better is when you find "the one" and you find that the relationship isn't a burden, but uplifting instead. You sort of have a "Oh wow, this is what it's supposed to be like" moment.

[skeeziix]

"Oh wow, this is what it's supposed to be like" moment

I am ready for that!

[HeartIsAching]

I am ready for that!

Be patient. I was older than you when it finally happened.