What was I to him? Why did he do this?

[Gingerhowell]

Okay. I will try and be brief. I was married. The marriage was over and in process for divorce. I was seeing a man who I adored and loved. He was great to me. Did wonderful things, rub my feet at pm, cook w me, for me, take care of me when I was sick and vice versa. I would sit and think of things to do for him to make him feel special bc I know it was hard on him waiting for my divorce nonsense. So he decides on a Monday he can't do our relationship anymore and by Thursday he was spending the night w a much younger girl. I'm 34. She's 25. He's 41. Anyway. I find out of course we were on a break but seems to me he wanted the break to explore younger options. So we get back together, he never really was up front about that night away a the girl. I found out several months later. This has been going on for almost a year. So he's dating me and unknown to me was dating her when I was at work or what ever. She works out of town so he basically had us both. Eventually when she got a new job he started seeing her full time and again ended it w me. I found out later why. He continued to call me and beg me to come see him for booty calls, which at time I went bc he was telling me they were no longer dating or taking a break and he loved me and wanted to try. Said we were "soul mates". So about 4 months ago he admits they are still together and be can't cheat on her anymore. I had no clue. (I live in another town). So I told him I was done, no more crying, and being rejected. I was done. He calls a few weeks back. They are officially broke up. Everyone knows it. Ask me to come see him. I do a few times then I find out the real truth....she was living a him, they did everything together. Things he had lied to me about including their sex life. I can't stomach it anymore. I leave again. He is now saying he wants us, it was my faulty he was even w her bc my divorce was taking forever. It was the most hurtful time of my life. My father died, my dog, I lost my home and when I would reach out to him he could not even talk to me. So what is this? What am I suppose to do? He's telling me its my fault I'm unhappy bc I won't come b w him. I was done a him months ago. Truth is I miss him so much. I do love him. But I think this person I lOve is not real. What was I to him? Why did he do all of this crap to me? Why did he make me think all these
Months we were gonna b together when he was a her? How can he tell me he loves me? He's never been faithful in a relationship. Never. I'm not a fool and think he could not be faithfUl with me, but I want to stop feeling guilty for not being a him and afraid I wont ever be happy like he says....please help me. :-(
PS as of right now we are not speaking or seeing each other.

[devonbrown]

What were you to him? Someone that he used to get sex from. On the side.
Why did he do this? Because he could. Because you let him. Because you kept going back.

Break the cycle. Don't talk to him any more. Don't think anything that comes out of his mouth is the truth any more. If you are unhappy, you are the only one that can help turn that around. Don't allow him or anyone else to cause you to feel negatively towards yourself.

This guy is a loser. Push past him and find someone who doesn't treat you poorly. Don't let yourself be loser food anymore.

Good luck.

[Gingerhowell]

Thank you so much. I thought all that as well but felt different. He is my 2nd relationship ever. I was w my husband for 15 years and together since I was 18. I don't know how to do any of this. I think now is a good time for a "time out" for me. Figure out who the hell I am and set some boundaries for myself. Seriously I just needed to hear someone tell me not to go back and that I was not missing out bc I didn't want to do this anymore. I do feel like a fool. I do feel like I cheated myself. I guess I have hide this from my friends bc I knew all of what you said to be true and we have mutual friends. I'm blocking him from my life.

[SunRiver]

You're not a fool. Everyone makes mistakes. It's only human. I agree you need some time out for you. Spend some time on yourself before even thinking of seeking out another relationship. Get some books on relationships. Get empowered. And kick this guy to the curb. Seriously.

[bulrush]

Well, you thought he was a good guy, but you found out he was just a liar. It happens.

I was w my husband for 15 years and together since I was 18. I don't know how to do any of this.

Well, your lack of experience explains a lot. Try some "light" dating where you don't sleep with the guys, so you can get some experience identifying players. This guy was good, so maybe he wasn't a player after all. Maybe he just stumbled on an opportunity with a younger woman, and took it. Then he decided to lie about it.