Why is ex ignoring me?

[inlove123]

Basically we broke up for a few reasons. He had become distant, he ignored me but told me he still loved me. It was as if he was trying to get me to do something and I had no idea what it was. I tried so hard but I believed I was making him unhappy and that in turn was making me even more unhappy. I thought he had fallen out of love with me. What really got to me was the ignoring and reluctance to see me etc.
So i initiated the break up. He told me he did care and that he did love me. But he told me it hadnt been working for a few months and when I asked him if we should split up he said maybe, so we agreed to split.
I thought I would be okay but I have become steadily more depressed every day. I miss him so much and I am so lonely. The problem is he doesn't even want to know anymore. Things went steadily downhill and I could see it. I desperately tried to stop it but I couldn't. At first I played the obsessive ex card which I know now I shouldn't have done. I begged him to take me back, I told him how much I loved him, sending up to 20 texts a day. Then he basically told me to leave him alone. So I did.

We didn't talk for more than a week. In that time he made posts about hot celebrities, something he had never done before and implicitly hinted that he would tell people an embarrassing secret of mine, not to me, but on twitter. Turns out he had just said it and hadn't told anyone anything. I couldn't understand it. I have tried to be as mature as I can about it.

I spoke to him a few days after about giving each other our stuff back. I asked him if he didnt love me. He simply said you turned me away. I don't really know what that means... and then we said goodnight and that was it. A few days later he liked a page on facebook "the awkward eye contact with your ex goat" which really annoyed me because I feel I have tried so hard to make him happy and be nice about this whole thing. I texted him today saying that we needed to talk but i got no reply. I never expect any reply because all he does is ignore me. Sometimes he will talk, sometimes he wont. I asked him if he wanted to be friends and he said no, something which saddened me because we had been friends for about 2 years. I hate how miserable I feel, yet I asked him if he was happy that we'd split up and he said yes and asked me if i felt the same to which i replied honestly.

He told me he hates me (I hurt him badly) and doesn't care. But why would he make such an effort to make digs at me? Why can't he just be mature and talk to me properly about our relationship? Why does he have to ignore me?
I feel I can't move on until we talk face to face about everything, becuse lack of communication was also responsible for our break up. I love him with everything in me and I wanted our relationship to change. It was becoming unhealthy. I love him so much and it kills me when he ignores me. What should I do? Please be brutally honest I hate the fact I have this deluded hope in me that maybe, just maybe we will get back together. But I know from experience that every time you get your hopes up you just end up disappointed. I try and tell myself he is never coming back but I wish he would, I can't help it.

[spiritofjosh]

This is so reminiscent of what happened between me and my ex of five years it's almost creepy. I'll tell you honestly; I loved my ex girlfriend more than anything but I honestly started to get "bored." I knew I loved her but I was tired of the same routine day after day so basically I was incredibly ignorant and selfish and broke up with her. I wanted to see what else was there, to enjoy being single for a little while. She pulled the desperate ex like you said and that pushed me away, never gave me a chance to miss her. She eventually gave up and stopped bothering me then I wondered what was up and she said she was giving me my space, making me miss her. But since I stayed spiteful and pushed her away still she moved on and found somebody else then I was devastated. Long story short the tables turned and I became desperate. She dated somebody else for 6 months and I left her alone, never said anything but after 6 months I confessed I still loved and missed her and she broke up with him and we went back out..that lasted a year more than she broke up with me. But point is with what I said is you need to not play his game and do your own thing. I know it's hard, and everybody will tell you the same. But my story as an example it does work, even if you fake doing your own thing to just ignore him he'll wonder what you're up to, then you can make him play your game. Good luck.

[inlove123]

The thing is thought I don't really want anyone else... and i fear that he will move on and I don't think emotionally I am in a position where I could handle that. He hardly had a past before me, I had a more extensive one, but we both lost our virginities to each other and to think of him with someone else, saying all the things he used to say to me to them, thinking about him and someone else in that way... it makes me feel physically sick. I have been going out and stuff and I am pretty sure he is aware of that, maybe he is waiting for me to slip up and go off with someone else so he can be like "i told you so". im scared nothing i do will work because he has told me he doesnt want to be with me and stuff and that he doesnt love me... how love can just disappear is beyond me because its only grown with me, but i just feel no matter what i do he will be this stubborn, immature boy. I want the guy to be happy, if its not with me then i accept that but something in my feels its not over... im probably just deluding myself. in fact i really just dont understand guys! its like hes scared to meet me, scared to talk to me so he just ignores me because i really want to talk about our relationship, but he tells me its because he doesnt want to see me

[aliwal]

This is like me. I separated from my husband over a year ago and tried to get back with him. We were meeting up, having coffee and he would help me. He said all along though that he wanted space but I played the devastated needy woman. He told me in mid Sept tht he had been seeing someone since Juky, at first he was confused and said he wanted to try with me and said he would tell her he wanted a break but spent the weekend with her and then reverted to wanting her. She has 3 children (ours are adult now) He has told me he is very happy and he gets on with her kids and they get on with him. He is totally into her and said I am not aloowed to contact him until he contacts me. It is like I have fallen off the afce of the earth. It is horrible. I think its the honeymoon period.

Try the 180 plan. It is all about getting on with your life for you, not contacting him etc. Please try to research it.

It is what I am trying do do for me not for him

[spiritofjosh]

The only thing you can do is give him his space and at best he'll grow to miss you, at worst he'll move on. Sometimes men and women just need some reminders of how much the other person means to them and sometimes a clear perspective helps. Just remember if he tries to make contact, or meet with you, whichever then don't drop everything for him, he'll know he has control over you. Act casual, if you had something planned then tell him and reschedule, this used to drive me nuts and always made me more persistent to see an ex.

[HeartIsAching]

Are you serious? You want him to talk to you properly about your relationship, now that you've ended it rather than attempt actual communication? Why the hell SHOULD he talk to you? What "Such an effort at digs at you" could you possibly be talking about? That he liked a page on FaceBook? Oh please.

Get over yourself. He clearly has.

[inlove123]

Why should he talk to me? because he was the one that drove me away, i asked him to talk to me when we were still together and he said no im going to play football. i asked him what meant more to him and he said football. he knows he has control over me and towards the end turned into an absolutely horrid person, calling me names and making me feel like nothing i did was ever good enough yet when i tried to move on he would tell me that there was no chance of him taking me back if i went out and would text me to find out who i was talking to, if i was drinking etc. yet the minute i went back it was back to square one so i told him i couldnt take it emotionally anymore. hell i dont even know why i want him back, maybe because i know what he was like and still believe he can be like that again. if an ex referred to you as a goat, i would take that as making digs. perhaps he has got over me but i still think that for the amount of time we spent together we should talk it through like most couples who are breaking up do. i dont even know what i did wrong, or why he ingored me? how can i move on if there are all these unanswered questions? dont be so quick to judge, i am not up myself at all, however he has changed into a completely different person more so since we split up. i cant move on when there is so much i feel is yet to be resolved because i dont want to hurt him with any choices that i make? its still very raw and all i would like is one chance to discover what went wrong so that i dont make the same mistakes in future relationships.

[HeartIsAching]

That's a whole different ball of wax...

And what needs to be addressed isn't that you didn't make a mistake or several mistakes, outside of getting with somebody abusive. What you need is to be able to recognize when somebody's abusive so you c an avoid them in the future.

Name calling, ignoring, openly making you a lesser priority - all forms of mental and emotional abuse, all about power and control.

[devonbrown]

I initially was going to say pretty much what HeartIsAching said first. But then your response changed things. So now I have to wonder why YOU want to talk to him any more?

The fact is that the two of you are broken up. For whatever reason, it is over and you two both have gone your separate ways. You need to move past him and your past and move into your future. He is an ex for a reason, remember that and move forward. Chances are he won't be the only ex ever.

Good luck.

[aliwal]

This changes things.

Unfortunately, sometimes us women are kept keen when we are treated mean.

I need space as my relationship was for 25 years and I need space to cope and calm waters and help heal mysef.

You need space so you can see his faults. Love is blind and space makes you see things clearly.

Be strong its hard I know.

[bulrush]

i asked him what meant more to him and he said football.

What went wrong? You picked a guy that didn't really care about you. He likes football more than you. Why does he like football more than you? You two are probably incompatible in more than one way. So you should be glad you have a fresh start, to find someone new and better.

At least you tried to talk things out and resolve it like an adult. I give you points for that.

[Wakeup]

did you forget about this, Op?

I wanted our relationship to change. It was becoming unhealthy.

It was unhealthy and he's not interested at all in putting in any effort so even if he did miss you and asked you back, you would be going back to the same shit that made you break up with him in the first place.

Why do you want to go back to that? There is absolutely NO reason whatsoever for you to long to be with someone who doesn't value you ~ NONE.

Grieve the end of this relationship, do some personal reflection to come to terms with reality, work on your self - worth so that you'll never long for a dysfunctional relationship again and you'll immediately say good bye to someone who makes you feel inadequate and unloved as a hobby.

He is not worth emotional pining away for. View the situation realistically and you'll get over him much quicker.

[inlove123]

thanks for all the advice. viewing the situation realistically i know it is better not to be with him, unless he decided to change into a completely different person which i don't see happening any time soon. he was my first boyfriend, first sexual partner and now i realise why they discourage sex at a young age because you become emotionally bonded to that person and it is hard to let go. up until a few months ago, he treated me well, telling me he loved me etc. he has always been insecure however things changed and i see now that it is best not to be with him.
my problem is is that he wants to keep this embarrassing secret about me and i now realise he did not understand what i told him and, in fact his opinion of the situation is way off. i'm worried he would use it against me but then if he doesn't care like he says he doesn't then why should he bother or even entertain the thought? obviously the wish to talk it all out and clear the air is still there, but getting back with him is out of the question. hopefully he will mature and we can talk like adults. what hurts me is that he seems to be taking it fine, i was his first love and i know the type of jealous, insecure person he was and when he saw me talking to a group of boys by myself he tweeted the words "slag" but i dont want to keep believing he is thinking about me because he probably isn't.
at the end of the day i realise that i have to let him go. i'm finding it tough and im waiting for him to hurt me so that i have the incentive to get on with things. at the end of the day, a chat to put things right so that if i ever run into him again in my life, things wont be bad would be good and a chance to explain the secret i trusted him with would also be good. if these things don't happen then i know i cant do much and will just need to find someone else. right now, i can't really imagine finding anyone else. i know girls that have one boyfriend and are straight onto the next but i believe im quite a complex person and i have been through a lot in my short life and it takes time for me to open up to people and show them the real me. i did the exact same with my ex boyfriend and thats what caused the initial problems. i feel quite lonely because he was my best friend and confidant and i believed he'd love me forever. problem is i keep romanticising the memories but when i think about it, its for the best just to let each other be free and get on with things. i honestly wish him the best in life but he told me he hates me and has a grudge against me. his loss, i suppose!

[stuckies]

ban him from twitter. de-friend or whatever it is you do on facebook. Cut this immature guy out of your life. It will be hard to begin with and you will be tempted to break contact but stick with it. It does get better x