Confused with my best friend - am I being played?

[Miss_winter]

I'm in a confusing situation with my best friend (I'm 31, she's 40).

We've been best friend for 6 years and we were both in and out of relationships with a few people. During those times, we sometimes flirt (which I consider as a joke and I'm not sure if she even serious about it). And yes, I started to develop feelings towards her, but I just shrugged it off. We continue our 'unique' friendship. We even make a promise that if 10 years from now we're both still single, we will move in together. She brought me to romantic places, weekend getaway out of town (nothing happened whatsoever) and spent lots of time together. And we said I love you to each other.

Now we're both single and we continue flirting as usual. Until yesterday, we chat through messenger, I said something about wanting to look for a GF. And she said "why not me?" followed by a laugh emoticon. I asked her whether she is being serious with what she just said. She replied with a grin emoticon. Nothing after that.

She called me later at night (we talk almost every night before we go to sleep). But she didn't mentioned anything about our messenger chat. So I brought it up. I asked her whether she was serious about wanting to be my GF or it was just another joke. I also told her that if it was a joke, I'm okay with it. She couldn't answer, but she was giggling nervously. She even told me she's covering her face with a pillow as we speak because she is so nervous. And she said she doesn't know what to say and prefer that we use chat messenger again. So we got off the phone.

15 minutes later, she texted me: "I'm your best friend" followed by a wink emoticon.
And I replied: "I know."
Her: "Keep it that way.."
Me: "Okay"

So that's it. I just don't get it. I mean, what's with her? I feel like I've been played. She shouldn't treat me as someone special if I'm not. That's sort of giving me false hope, don't you think?

[lizzy-bet]

I don't think she's trying to play you, it sounds like she's interested and is waiting for you to take the leap. I have male friends that were long term friends, and sometimes that makes it even harder because it could possibly ruin the friendship. So I'd ask yourself is your friendship good enough, or do you want a romantic relationship with her? She's probably going back and forth in her head about it, and I bet it's mostly because she doesn't want to risk jeopardizing the friendship. Anyway, be more direct, and actually ask her to be your girlfriend. The worst thing is that she says no.

[AnnonymousMan]

I actually dissagree with lizzy because I think she does want to just be friends. If I were you I would be careful about pursueing it further because that may either disgust her or scare her off. I have been in these dumb situations where people return with half ass answers or don't just come out and say it and I honestly think she would of got back on messenger if she were serious about you, NOT text you "Lets keep it that way." which clearly indicates to me that she doesn't want to deny anything you want because she cares about you as a friend and doesn't want to hurt you.

Goodluck, keep us updated.

[Dune]

From what you say, sounds like you have a pretty strong friendship with her, and she would not want to lose that. If you want her as your gf, just ask her straight out, and like lizzy mentioned, the worst that could happen is that she says no. You get your answer and the both of you can continue being friends. Probably because of the degree of closeness between the both of you, the difference between best friends and life partners is beginning to blur. Just don't put too much hope in it. All the best

[Mia Rose]

Maybe an honest conversation about the situation is the best way to go. You can just say you're feeling a bit confused and just want to make sure you're on the same page. Then ask what her needs are. Keep the conversation light... it's better to know than to guess.

[Miss_winter]

Thank you everyone for the advice.

Just an update,

She texted me again that night and asked me to not bring that issue again. Well, Ok, I take it as she doesn't want to talk about the possibilities of us being more than friends. Much as I want to ask her to be my GF, she already set the boundaries. She clearly told me she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I'm afraid if I push her, she will get mad or something.

After our 'talk' that night, we went out together two days in a row (yesterday and today) which all was her initiative. And this two days, her attitude is kinda changed. She wasn't very touchy before, but yesterday, she holds my hand (for the first time!), and rub my back a few times. And her tone when she speaks now is softer and actually very sweet. Today was also the same. She is acting differently (in a good way, though).

We met a few friends yesterday, and they asked whether we're dating each other now that we're both single. She didn't answer.. only smiling and winking. What the hell does it mean?

I won't put too much hope in this, but it's hard if she keeps on doing what she is doing to me now.

One thing for sure, I'm already falling for her and scared of losing her..

[Wakeup]

So that's it. I just don't get it. I mean, what's with her? I feel like I've been played. She shouldn't treat me as someone special if I'm not. That's sort of giving me false hope, don't you think?

Even though she likes to play mind games with you (e.g. instead of answering your question she replies with a emo.. blech!) you can't blame her for you mis-interpretting her obvious (although mind fking) non interest in something romantic with you. You asked her outright. If she wanted to be with you in the same way you wouldn't have gotten a stall tactic (non committal emoticon) in response. From now on when you're forthright and open about something and you get a bullshit response back then take that to mean that they are'nt interested. Anyone who wanted you and you asked them to be with you and they don't respond with a "hell yea" upfront and enthusiatically then consider them not on the same page as you.

I won't put too much hope in this, but it's hard if she keeps on doing what she is doing to me now.

One thing for sure, I'm already falling for her and scared of losing her..

You're wasting your emotional health and stalling your pursuit of being with someone romantically that would want you back by letting this one play with you and reap your attention the way she does. You'd fair far better if you were'nt so readily available to her and her succubus actions. Ask her outright again if she would like to be your romantic gf without adding that "if she doesn't want to you'll be okay with that." If she hedges then distance yourself from her so you can become indifferent to her romantically.

I have to ask the obvious: Have her romantic relationships been with other women or are you assuming that she's bi or into same sex partners?

[Miss_winter]

I have to ask the obvious: Have her romantic relationships been with other women or are you assuming that she's bi or into same sex partners?

She's a full on lesbian. Been on a date with several women since her early 20s. She tried to be with a man a few years ago (I witnessed that phase) but she couldn't and ended up broke this man's heart.

[bulrush]

I'm sure your friend is nice, but she is sending conflicting messages, and is avoiding answering questions directly. Instead, she sends emoticons. How immature. In cases like this, you will usually end up being hurt by her mind games.

I think you deserve someone who communicates clearly and directly. That's what makes long-lasting relationships.