Help to know if I'm just beign jealous!

[ksatw]

I broke up with my ex in Sept 2010. In June 2011 I got back in touch by email and we met up in August and just had a catch up, and went our separate ways. We carried on emailing. initially we weren’t very nice to each other but then things changed and the emails became loving and intimate, lots of kisses on the end etc. After this had gone on for a little while I asked her out for dinner on a Saturday night. At this stage we were emailing several times a day, always saying goodnight to each other etc. The Thursday before I received a message from her saying “After much thought I’ve decided not to come on Saturday. I’ve done what’s best for myself. I won’t go in to details or reasons but someone got in touch out of the blue”. I was really upset, and angry, as it was a bit humiliating after putting myself on the line. I asked her for reasons, and to answer some questions I had about our relationship. The next Wednesday she sent me a really nice email about how she felt about me, how we were great together etc. Tired of emails by this stage I decided to go round to her flat as I was passing. When I was there she was so over friendly, holding hands, excited to see me, lots of hugs, but then we both had to go off – she said she was going to see her therapist – and said she’d answer my question about what had happened on the Saturday and who it was that had been more important than me. After her therapy she sent more loving messages and over the next couple of days. So we arranged to go out on Friday and met up in some nice tea rooms. She then asked me lots of questions about my life in the year we’d not spoken, prising out intimate details, my hopes and fears. Then she told me that in February she had started seeing someone. They’d broken up in July, then had one meet up, and it was them that had got in touch before that Saturday, they were going to go to therapy, then they weren’t, but they had gone to therapy on Wednesday night together. My ex maintains she doesn’t want to get back together with her but just wanted to work out what happened in their relationship and doesn’t want to go in to any more details. I got very very upset, crying in public and also angry at her. She said she didn’t want to see me again as she had stuff to work on with her therapist and couldn’t be in touch with me at the same time. I got more upset as I’ve had a difficult time recently which she knows, an I’d asked her to try not to hurt me. In the end I said she was making a choice if she walked away from me, and that I still loved her, but even though she got upset and said she felt bad, she walked away leaving me quite devastated for the next few days.
Less than a week later she sent me a text saying she missed me. We ended up seeing and sleeping together and now she thinks we’re back together, she’s worked her stuff out and all is fine and is even talking about marriage. But I have no idea what really happened.

I guess I need to know if I’m being irrational in being so upset about it. It’s not that I’m hypocritical – I did sleep with people in our year apart, but I never got in to a relationship because I was scared, and I didn’t want to give up on us getting back together. I’m hurt she envisioned a future with someone else. I’m hurt because I feel like I was deceived on the Wednesday. It also really hurt what she did on the Friday night, making me vulnerable then dropping that in, and choosing to walk away from me which is something which she’s done before. It also feels as if this other woman was put first. How can I trust her? Am I being unreasonable? It feels like my feelings have changed for her because of it.

[Cerby]

Why the heck are you with this girl? She changes what she wants on a whim, and you're only going to get yourself hurt.

I look forward to your post in this same section in a few months.

[ksatw]

You were completely right!

[Wakeup]

She said she didn’t want to see me again as she had stuff to work on with her therapist !

Indeed!.

She sounds like she really does need to do that and you'd be looking after yourself if you actually left her to it.

Don't let your own low self worth keep you bound to someone who can drop you and pick you back up on a whim. It will steal your joy.. as you've just gotten a sample of.

[SelfLove]

Your ex is an ex for a reason my friend. She doesn't sound like she knows what she wants. My advice is to go no contact and keep it that way. It's time for you to move on and find someone who compliments your happiness. Why are you giving her this power to control and manipulate your feelings? Time for you to value your own self worth and take a step above this. If she contacts you again then my advice is to ignore her. No sense in reopening wounds.