5 dates and I still don't know what he's thinking...

[mstat]

Hi! I apologize ahead of time for the length of this post. So I'm 25 and I met this guy on an online dating site, he's going to be 29 really soon. The website is for people looking to get married, so fairly serious. Anyway, I found him on the website in September and messaged him. He messaged back and we exchanged some e-mails and he asked to meet. Here's how it's gone:

Date 1 - 3-4 hours. Dinner and a walk. Really good, I thought we hit it off well.

We texted back and forth after and then I offered to buy him dinner and he agreed.

Date 2- 5 hours. Dinner and drinks. Again, really nice, by the length of the date i think it's clear we had a great time.

Around after here, I felt that I was always taking initiative to meet up. He was about to go to on vacation for 2 weeks and I wanted to see him a good amount before then. So I asked him when we'd meet again, and he said he was booked on weekends but we could do a weekday. So we set up a date. However before that date, on a friday night, turned out we were both out and he hinted that we might "bump" into each other. So we kind of decided to meet up.

Date 3 - 4 hours. Drinks. It was fun, we got tipsy, he had lots of chances to kiss me, but he did not.

Date 4- 2 hours. Dinner. It was great, he did admit that he was talking to another girl. I was a little hurt, but I knew it was part of the dating thing.

After this he was gone for two weeks. Before he left we were texting constantly, a lot of it was initiated by me, but obviously he kept it going. We emailed a little when he was away, but it was always initiated by me. SO i felt maybe I was just being too clingy. So i decided to back off and once he returned, I wasn't messaging him much, until finally he messaged me and even asked to meet up!

Date 5 - 3 hours. Drinks. I got pretty drunk, but I thought the date went really nice again, but yet no kiss. I think he thought I was kinda cute drunk, so he grabbed me and said, "you are so funny like this." We decided to take a walk to help me wake up a bit before I got on the subway. I asked to hold his arm and he said fine. He said he'd keep my alcohol tolerance in mind for next time. In a playful way I thought. Anyway, we hugged goodbye.

This is where I'm at now. I honestly don't know what's going on in his head. His parents I think want him to get married and he's not crazy about the idea. In either case, what he's looking for is someone to marry, and I guess he wants to be sure before he adds anything that might make things more complicated. I'm sure he's talking to other girls, I don't know if he's going out on dates with them or not, but he's talking. It also shows that he logs on to the dating website often, so i know he is looking. All of this bothers me, but I can't say anything to him, since it's part of the dating thing. But we've been on 5 dates, and given there was a 2 week break, it's been like 3 months since we started talking. I just started a new career, and it really drains me emotionally and physically, and wondering where we are makes it so much harder. I keep thinking about my shortcomings, and what he doesn't like about me. It's not easy. I mean, he's asking to see me, he talks to me, he listens, he gives advice, he cares and he's not doing it for sex either, since we haven't even kissed! How long should I wait? Any ideas on why he's acting how he's acting? How should I approach this relationship if I want it to become something? Should I play hard to get? I'm so confused!

Thanks sooo much for reading and for all advice!

[smackie9]

There is a possibility he is married....Some men seek out emotional affairs and justify it as harmless and that it's not cheating on their spouse. One red flag is no initiation to kiss. Next, never been invited to his place. Another one is you have never met any of his friends or been asked to go to a social event or party to meet them. Next time ask him if him and another couple he knows would be interested in coming over for dinner at your place.....see his reaction then. I know your gut is telling you something isn't right.....well that is a possibility.

[mstat]

Well a distant cousin of mine is married to his cousin. I know them both well, so I'm sure he's not married. We're also friends on facebook, so I'm fairly certain it's not like that. His birthday is coming up next month, I guess we'll see if he invites me or not. If he doesn't I'd have to say goodbye really fast.

[Boisdevie]

Dating with the idea of getting married is way too young.
And to be honest, if you're not getting naked by 5th date then it's not gonna work.

[smackie9]

Well maybe he is being cautious....the type that wants to be sure you know? I know how you feel, you want things to progress a little quicker because you are excited about this guy. I guess you will just have to be patient and let things take it's course.

[smackie9]

Dating with the idea of getting married is way too young.
And to be honest, if you're not getting naked by 5th date then it's not gonna work.

Three weeks before getting naked got me 3 long term relationships....so I don't see how that could be used as to gauge any results.....pretty shallow if you ask me. Everyone is different....it's a hit or miss. If it wasn't happening the dude wouldn't be wasting his time going on a 5th date now would he....

[mstat]

Well maybe he is being cautious....the type that wants to be sure you know? I know how you feel, you want things to progress a little quicker because you are excited about this guy. I guess you will just have to be patient and let things take it's course.

This is what I feel as well. It's really hard for me, but I'll be patient! Thanks smackie!

[bulrush]

Is this guy recently divorced? Or is he a virgin or maybe not that experienced? That might explain his shyness to kiss. He just might be shy. Or he doesn't want to kiss someone unless he is going out with them exclusively. People have all kinds of weird rules they put on themselves.

Anyway, you should kiss him and see how he reacts. Like a slow kiss on the lips, something that means more than friends. Maybe that's when he will say he only kisses women when he dates them exclusively.

[mstat]

Or is he a virgin or maybe not that experienced? That might explain his shyness to kiss. He just might be shy. Or he doesn't want to kiss someone unless he is going out with them exclusively. People have all kinds of weird rules they put on themselves.

This could very well be the case. I don't think he"s dated a lot before. I'm kinda chicken to kiss him tho, don't wanna get rejected!

[sadie_genie]

Kiss him and see how he reacts. If he pulls away or reluctant, he just isn't into you and was just leading you on. But if is eager, then he likes you and was probably just shy,

[Cerby]

Agreed with a lot of the above. 5 dates someone needs to make a move. Usually by date 3 if there is no kiss its time to move on.

[Kaius]

First, I commend you for taking things slowly and naturally. You do not want to get into bed with a new guy so quickly, as most men tend to disrespect women who put out easily.

Second, as stated above, make sure he is not married. You'd be surprised how many married men go on dating sites.

Lastly, don't set a limit (if he doesn't kiss by 6th date I am out of here). Do what feels natural.