I will never be able to trust anyone again. How to work on this?

[HereComesTheSun]

After a few incidents in my life, i havnt trusted people very easily.

My first 'love' cheated on me, my daughters father also did. At 18 i found out the man i thought was my dad...really wasnt. Everybody knew but myself and it was humiliating. My last boyfriend broke my trust multiple times after i tried SO hard to trust him, but it ended up in tears and him turning abusive. I absolutely trusted him and he shot it to bits.

Now, i dont feel i will ever trust anybody again, i have never had any reason to trust anyone and now my concern is that my relationships in the future will be ruined because of this.

How does one start to learn how to trust others again? After a conversation at work this week about trusting their husbands i just couldnt wrap my head around trusting anybody. Why would someone ever trust someone else who could potentially hurt them? I dont know.

Any advice?

[Wakeup]

Have you thought about getting some therapy? Being able to trust someone is a state of mind. If you're picking men who prove to you that they are not trustworthy yet you stay with them while they continue to hurt you then it's no wonder you have a hard time wrapping your head around the concept. You first need to learn to be able to exit a situation when its showing you that it's not healthy and you are being hurt in it. Once you are confident enough to tell someone that you'll not be disresepected and then being strong enough to leave them if they continuie to disrespect, then you will find yourself with someone who is trustworthy and it will all become clear to you. That applies to all relationships, not just romantic ones.

You have to trust yourself to KNOW what is in your own best interests and what is not and have the strength to let go when you're being shown untrustworthiness before you'll be able to trust others.

[Drumzzz]

we never know when we can truly trust someone...

everytime we try to, we open ourselves up and put ourselves in a vulnerable position

all i can say is that you were very unlucky
and i can only think of 1 option, find yourself a good man tell him what you've been through
if he understands, he'll also understand he has to be honest with you and patient when you get paranoid. this would definetely be a keeper
in time you'll learn to trust him again

[HereComesTheSun]

Thankyou for the replies, that makes a lot of sense. I think i really do need to learn how to exit a situation/relationship when it gets to the point of unhealthy. I guess i am really picking the wrong men.. I have a few friends but are really careful about who i get close to. It is romantic relationships i have the most problem with. Men in general i think!
I dont know how i feel about therapy.. I guess i could give it a try, what exactly will they try do for me? Like get to the bottom of why i feel this way and help me think a different way or something like that?

Has anyone else been through counselling/therapy and it really helped them?

I do hope i one day find a man that will understand the way i am and be patient with me.. Ah.. One day.

[Drumzzz]

i've been in therapy twice
once when i was a little kid (cause i was scared of failing in school)
and once for a depression

they talk to you, give you methodes to make yourself feel comfortable,...
for the depression they search for the reason why
for example i thought nobody wanted me as a friend, boyfriend, ... i was all alone
when you talk about things they sometimes repeat what you've just said just to make clear it's not the way you think it is

example:
i thought nobody wanted me
but i kept going on about 2 friends which i could tell everything
1 was female, and today we have some sort of relationship

sometimes things can be really simple trust me

i hope you are satisfied with this answer?

[bulrush]

First, get some therapy.

Second, admit you are a poor judge of men you date. I'd bet money that when men start abusing you, you stay with them. That's your decision, and you reap the consequences. I've seen your story many many times. Why don't you give me a list of things you want in a man? Things that make a relationship work. That will give me some direction to help you.

Out of all the abused women I have met, they share some common traits:

1. They are a poor judge of character
2. They stay with abusive men, thinking they will change them. You can't change them if they don't take action and don't want to change.
3. They believe what men say, and ignore their actions.