Help with an argument please!

[Rawrflee]

Hello all! I would like to post an argument transcript that has occurred a few days ago between 2 people. For anonymitys sake and to hide the gender of both people I will replace the names with A and B.

One thing I'd like you to keep note of and answer is, could you consider one or both to be behaving disrespectfully and if both, who more so.

This is a real argument but for unbiased answers I'd prefer to keep gender hidden. Argument occurred on Saturday.

A to B: Can't till 10. U going to apt?

B to A: if I have time why?

A to B: Can you hang the washing up I washed on thursday?

B to A: pffft expect me to hang your washing up?

A to B: Like i've hung yours up loads of times..yeah

B to A: I haven't done any washing in like three weeks? Well three tops that's it.

A to B: And jeans tshirts socks underwear

B to A: Not really no. Just don't see why you put wash on and then go home. Bit irresponsible yo!

A to B: I thought you'd be back on thurs after work. Don't bother, i'll just wash them again.

B to A: Yeah you expected me to do it again. Not exactly fair is it?

A to B: It's only hanging up ****ing washing and it's 'not fair'??!

B to A: Then why didn't you stay and do it if its only hanging up?

A to B: Oh so i should havw waited a couple of hours for the washing machine to stop to save you doing me a favour that wud take you 5 mins? Would you ever cop on.

B to A: You cop on! I already do the majority of everything else. Pull your own weight.

A to B: you're so lovely

B to A: You the one getting aggressive failing to understand why leaving washing is annoying

A to B: Think you've said enough, just leave me alone

B to A: so it's silent treatment?

A to B: Yeah cos ur just being nasty and i don't need those horrible texts

B to A: So you think it's ok to leave washing there for me to hang up when if you hung it up yourself it would also be dry now. What about my washing? Where will i dry that?



Just some background info.
A is in college 3 days a week for under 20 hours.
B works 4 days a week with 45 hours.
Both A and B return to their parents home for the weekend.
A claims B was disrespectful in how they spoke.
B claims A is only saying that as a scapegoat.

What do you guys think?
I know it may seem silly but this arguement could actually end a 2 year relationship due to one person claiming "on going" problems and the other denying that it's the same thing. So it is actually quite serious!

[IndiReloaded]

Hello all! I would like to post an argument transcript that has occurred a few days ago between 2 people. For anonymitys sake and to hide the gender of both people I will replace the names with A and B.

One thing I'd like you to keep note of and answer is, could you consider one or both to be behaving disrespectfully and if both, who more so.

This is a real argument but for unbiased answers I'd prefer to keep gender hidden. Argument occurred on Saturday.

A to B: Can't till 10. U going to apt?

B to A: if I have time why?

A to B: Can you hang the washing up I washed on thursday?

B to A: pffft expect me to hang your washing up?

A to B: Like i've hung yours up loads of times..yeah

The bolded parts are where the argument went sideways. Before that point it was a simple request.

How I would have handled it was as follows:

A to B: Can you hang the washing up I washed on thursday?

B to A: pffft expect me to hang your washing up?

A to B: No, I don't expect it. I realize it is my problem since I am the one who started the laundry. But I am asking that if you are there and you have the time, could you please?

At that point, if she refuses you could tell her you are disappointed b/c you have done this favour for her in the past. But I would leave it at that.

As for who was disrespectful, it sounds like B started down that path w/her her 'expect' comment. However, its possible your own tone and/or attitude in making the request set her off. Its more than the words you use: 80% of communication is non-verbal.

That said, she certainly wasn't gracious about your request. If she didn't have the time, she could have said so politely.

[malteser]

To be honest rowing over something as trivial as laundry is not a good sign, so rather than asking us who has acted disrespectfully I would be looking at the underlying issues surrounding why this argument took place in the first place.

[searock]

I'm with B here. This is a silly argument per se, but there are clearly underlying important issues, such as her seeing you as irresponsible and taking her for granted. You both need to work on communication. Listen to each other rather than getting defensive straight away.

[MaidenMinx]

Wow! I feel a lot more normal now. I'm not the only person who gets their nose out of joint over stupid shit.

I agree with Indi. If B had said something like sorry I don't have time. Chances are A would have said no worries I'll just wash it again.
Sure A could have made sure they were around to hang their washing when it finished, but life is not always that smooth. Shit happens and when you love someone you just shrug it off.

Having said that, I have washing to hang.

[Rawrflee]

Interesting answers.

Also, people have assumed B is the female.

If I said B was the male, which it is, would that change the response?

Yes there is an underlying issue here, the argument stopped being about clothes and turned into a
"you talk to me disrespectfully all the time and I'm sick of it" argument.

[MaidenMinx]

I always assumed A was the female. I also assume you are B.

Suck it up. You have a disorganised girlfriend/ flatmate. Not the end of the world. Oh and a only being in college 20 hours a week means she is likely to have to put that time again into study and it's going to be extra stressful. When you leave work, that's it. No work once you leave.

You were disrespectful and rude, and jumping to where am I going to hang my washing? was just immature.

[mwahahaha]

Did the washing get hung or not?

The suspense is fckn killin me here.

[Wakeup]

Did the washing get hung or not?

The suspense is fckn killin me here.

... lol ...

[searock]

I still think that B was trying to talk about more important underlying issues that should not be ignored.

[IndiReloaded]

Interesting answers.

Also, people have assumed B is the female.

If I said B was the male, which it is, would that change the response?

No.

Did the washing get hung or not?

The suspense is fckn killin me here.

LOL, awesome.

[Lover14]

i presumed A was the female.

But i'm siding with A. If B had just agreed and said yeah sure, if i get time.. then all of this would have been avoided. It doesn't really matter who does it, does it?! Its only hanging the washing up?! And if B does something for A, then A would be more likely to do a favor for B when they asked..

[Lover14]

If I said B was the male, which it is, would that change the response?

Just seen this, i was right.. woo!