He pursues you then breaks your heart!!!

[court99]

So 5 months ago I met this guy, he was lovely and nice and we immediately hit it off. He had recently gotten out of a 2 year relationship and I wasn't ready for a relationship. However he pursued me and I played ‘hard to get’ but after a month things settled and we both enjoyed seeing each other and taking things seriously.

3 months into it, I questioned if we were anything and where he wanted to be. He randomly turns around and told me that he was still hooking up and didn't want anything to serious. I was devastated. Then after this conversation he pursued me NON STOP apologising, saying he wanted me still and not to leave etc..so I stayed. Then about a month and a half later we started not talking as much, he wouldn't reply at times and I felt like I was iniciating catch ups etc…then he said one day “I hope I am not holding you back from seeing others” . He said he was working full time up until xmas and didn't want to let me down if he couldn't see me. He told me to wait till the end of the year and we can see how our feelings are. I jumped the gun and said that if he doesn't want anything more with me then we can’t keep pursuing this, its unnatural.

He accepted that, I got upset and we argued for the next 2 days and then nothing…he randomly texted me and now a month on we occasionally talk.

A month later now..i still really miss him and don't understand why I cant shake this.

Did he really want me to wait till xmas to see if he wants a relationship – or was that his way out/ letting me down easy?

Did he ever have feelings for me? or was i a rebound for his 2 year relationship

What should I do! Be honest...because i am still vunerable and want to be back with im. If i contact him at the end of the year...what signal will that give him?

[Cerby]

Well, the problem here is that no one made their intentions clear, and this favours the guy just looking to get laid. If you don't sit down and express the desire for the exclusivity of a relationship after a couple of months or so of dating, then you're really just leaving the door open for the person you're with to continue openly dating - and he did.

You were a rebound, it seems pretty clear, and I wouldn't expect to hear from him again unless he just wants to get laid. Next time, make sure if you're feeling the need to be exclusive, you talk about it. If the person doesn't like the idea, end the relationship right there and leave with some dignity.

[sakana]

I have a similar story and would like to share as well. I was with this guy on and off for around 9 months. After the first 3 months I asked if we're exclusive and he said he wasn't ready. We did stop seeing each other but still keep texting and eventually met up again after 2 months. I never brought up the "exclusive" matter again as I assumed we're moving towards that stage.
Huge mistake, somehow I sensed there's something wrong when he would ask me out and then changed his plan last minute for a few times. Each time we only met for an hour or so and he did not invite me to his home like he used to. Then all of a sudden, I happened to browse his facebook page and saw he has changed his status from "single" to "in a relationship"! I asked him what's going on and he made up this BS and said the relationship is complicated and not stable. I have enough of his BS and decided to unfriend him on facebook and deleted all his contact info. I don't want to give myself another chance to ever contact him again. I am furious, but also sad and devastated ...
So a lesson learned ... I will make sure the relationship is exclusive first before going further

[bulrush]

Being "off and on" is a red flag that indicates he is not exclusive or committed. Watch out.

Great advice, Cerby!