Doubts in my relationship

[JHT26]

Hi there, everyone.

I'm currently very confused and insecure within my relationship. I would appreciate any advice that can be provided, thanks.

Let me start from the beginning..

I met this sweet girl who came over to my country on a university attachment course for a year. As we were working together in my ex-company, we had every chance to meet and grow our feelings for each other. That was in 2010, and we've been together for a year now.

However, during this period of time, there were many occasions which struck me as odd. For example -

• She never bought me a Christmas present, let alone a card. On the other hand, I paid for a nice present (a camera) and some other extras.
• She didn't get me anything for Valentine's day either. Again, I was the one who gave her presents and a nice handmade art project. I didn't even receive a card or a small gift.
• I always pay for everything - meals at restaurants, taxi fares. She would occasionally pay for a small meal, but those are rare moments.

Now, this might seem trivial - buying gifts is after all something that isn't really required nor necessary for a relationship to function. However, the very fact that she didn't even bother to buy me a card for some of the more important moments just somewhat strikes me as odd and very troubling.

Also, at one point of time, she claimed that her family needed some money back home to pay off for a loan. I lent her over $1500 and she promised me that her parents would pay me back. However, I have yet to receive a single cent, but I didn't ask for it.

Just a couple of weeks back, I went back with her to her hometown as she had ended her university work attachment program. During my stay with her family, I paid for everything - food, gifts, etc. This stunned me as I wasn't expecting to be footing the bill for everyone (including her cousins and siblings). I hope I don't come across as being cheap - I am willing to spend for somethings, just not everything. The end result of my trip was that I was set back with a further $1000+. On top of that, they never paid me the money they owed me.

I have a few more examples to cite, including the fact that I had to pay for her air fare to come to my place for a few days just so she could celebrate my birthday. She didn't bring me a gift, just a card. I just felt really troubled by that as I not only had to pay for her to come over, but I wasn't given a simple present despite it being my birthday.

Just a few hours ago, she called me (which is rare, since I dial to her overseas number most of the time) asking if I could help to pay for her grandfather's flight ticket. She claims that his credit card was declined, and asked if I could pay for it using my card first. Now, it is only a few hundred, but I'm really starting to suspect something.

I hope my tale isn't too long winded, and I don't sound overly whiny. I just need some advice regarding my current situation. Am I being played or what?

I would appreciate any help. Thanks in advance!

[UselessRomantic]

Sounds like she sees you as her personal bank account... I do believe you are being played.

[Boisdevie]

You are being used.

[steviej]

Ask her for the money back, watch her disappear!

You've been used.

It's been an expensive life lesson, just make sure you learn it!

[bulrush]

Yep, she's using you. Why do you let this continue? Are you that inexperienced?

[JHT26]

I guess I must say thanks for the opinions. Though it hurts to face the truth, I guess I must consider this reality that now faces me.

Yep, she's using you. Why do you let this continue? Are you that inexperienced?

On one hand, you could say that I'm not a very experienced campaigner when it comes to relationships. On the other hand, I must say that I'm truly in love with this girl. Which really hurts so much more. I just wish there was another answer, but I seem to be walking towards a dead end.

Suffice to say, I'm quite heartbroken at the moment.

[Cerby]

Holy cow man, I can't believe you've fallen into this. Do your best to get your $1500 back, but I suspect it was never for the family, it was for her. Tell her you're hard up for cash and need to start collecting that debt. She might simply bail on you at that point.

If she is still around, dump her in a clever way, go on a small trip somewhere with only 1 return ticket, then leave her ass somewhere and let her find her own way back home. Its a humbling experience.


Also, paying for the whole family, how did you even get into that? Were you asked or did you volunteer?