A pregnant ex-girlfriend is involved, how should I feel?

[Emersion49]

I began dating this guy who has, as the title suggests, a pregnant ex-girlfriend. He is excited for the baby, goes to doctors' appointments with the momma, etc. I am able to understand that when there is a kid, there is going to be that connection and that he should be responsible about things, but the ex has a key to his apartment and stops by quite a bit from what I understand. She leaves cutesy notes sometimes that say that him and the baby are her boys and whatnot, and I met her in person for the first time the other day when she was over at his place. (I was civil and friendly with her, and she was the same, but it was really awkward.) They seemed to have this bond though, that I got a little jealous of. Again, I get that that relationship was there, and that some of it does need to continue for the kid, but I feel like I don't really belong. Is this normal? Am I freaking out too much, or is this something I should be wary of?
Now, he is a good guy. He's taking responsibility for the kid, and he is clearly looking for a long term relationship, but I'm not sure where I should stand on the issue of the pregnant girlfriend. In terms of the length of time we've been dating, I feel that it isn't my place to be upset about their level of seeming closeness, but I am dating him now. I don't want to be upset if I'm making a deal about nothing, but at the same time, I want to know if I should be cautious. I know that I tend to over analyze things, so I don't want to create unnecessary tensions.

My thoughts are pretty scattered, I apologize.

[valmont]

first..you need to be commended for being brave enough to go into the situation you're in..

saying something about their closeness would be a no-no..

don't know how long you been dating but at some point you do have the right to comment about the cutesy note bs.

[Emersion49]

To be honest, we've only been dating for a few weeks. But is it possible that he's truly interested in a future relationship if him and her are still that close? I can't understand why he's dating me if they still share that closeness, and I don't want to get into it if I'm just going to be crushed in a few weeks because he decides that he was wrong about his ex and all that good stuff.

[valmont]

do you know why they aren't together anymore?

[Emersion49]

I didn't completely understand when he told me, but his facial expressions and tone of voice showed frustration and some irritation. I think she cheated on him, and besides that was super indecisive about having a relationship. (He's the type of guy who HATES games.) There was one other thing, but that was the one I didn't understand what he meant.

[valmont]

it would prob be smart to keep some distance..

..but we never do the smart thing do we?

[Veerebby]

I was once the "pregnant ex girlfriend". My daughter's dad split up with me because he thought we wanted to be with someone else. This new girl was VERY jealous of the connection between the two of us. After two months of him being with this girl, he eventually realized that what he ultimately loved was his family and we've been together since up until about a month ago. I personally would never get involved with a guy who has a pregnant ex girlfriend, the chances of them being off and on are extremely high. They say everything changes the moment you have a child, some guys realize that the decision they made to "break apart" from their new families is the lifestyle they want, others realize and finally put together that that's what truly matters to them. It's a very risky situation.

[Emersion49]

First off, thank you for your point of view.
I do try to be understanding and reasonable about the whole situation as much as I can. Honestly, I try to imagine myself in the shoes of someone like his ex or yourself. I would hate being on that end because I would feel completely used, but that is how I am. I highly value that physical intimacy (not that she or you don't). This imagining is what keeps me from going off on the ex, and what keeps myself in check. If I were in hers or your shoes, I would need the bond with the ex boyfriend, and the support from him through the pregnancy. The fact that he would entirely ignore me for the new girl in his life would be bs. This basic support is the lowest level at which I think that I personally would be able to fully accept the situation if I was the pregnant one, so I try to respect at least that level.
I thought about the "when the baby is born" situation, which should be happening in a few weeks, actually. They broke up 4-6 months ago, though, and haven't been back together since is what I gather. Not sure if that means anything, but there ya go. I'm becoming increasingly nervous, but I'm insane, and somehow ready to face this risky situation head on.

(If I need to clarify anything let me know. My typing mirrors my runaway train thought process. )

[Emersion49]

it would prob be smart to keep some distance..

..but we never do the smart thing do we?

No, no we don't :3

[alwaystryin]

Well, I was recently the pregnant ex girlfriend, so I can only speak from my experience; and it IS biased. There are many details that I will not go into simply because there are just too many. I can however, touch on some major points. My son is 10 months old now. My ex dumped me the day I told him I was pregnant. He literally pulled the rug out from under me, so that was devastating enough. He moved back in 4 months later under the guise of 'wanting to work things out' and said he didn't know what he was thinking. Meanwhile, 2 months after he left me he met and began dating another woman. Within 2 days of him moving back in I already felt that something was wrong. Turns out he was living with me and leaving every weekend to be with his girlfriend. He wouldn't show me any intimacy at all. Within 2 weeks of this I found texts and pictures and I kicked him out. He constantly denied having a girlfriend and even went as far as telling me she was his cousin. Ultimately I called her and the first thing out of her mouth when I told her who I was, was 'Oh, You're nothing, you're just the baby's mother'. Long story short, I went through my entire pregnancy alone. He would come to appointments and show up once in a while, but I was left taking care of a 10 year old, working full time, and doing all of the other required duties to run a household. At the same time, he continued to deny everything including the fact that he dumped me. I corrected him every time he said 'we broke up'. On my end, it was really a miserable, lonely, difficult torture of a time.

Okay, that was a bit longer than I intended. And yes, long horrible miserable story. In your situation, you don't say who left who, or if it was mutual. And when you say they haven't been together since 'is what you gather', leaves me (and it seems you too) lacking some detail. The first thing that I thought when I found out he was with someone else who knew I was pregnant was 'what kind of dumb b*tch would get with a guy with a pregnant girlfriend? she must live on drama..'. That is by no means a judgement on you, as I was devastated and furious at the time, and as I said, my take on this IS biased..

The important thing is making a personal judgement right now on him. So here are some things to consider. The same time my ex was cheating on me, she did not know that he was living in my house. So #1, he was playing both sides, as she too was in the dark about what he was really doing and you seem unsure as to whether you could be in the same situation. #2, the possibility always exists that your bf will decide to get back together with her. Also, after a few months, my ex dumped her too. So #3, you have to consider the overall character of the man despite what he does. I know that I felt absolutely horrible to find out he was with someone else and it hurt so bad that he showed me no affection at all while I was pregnant. The entire situation is a mess and has too many variables that do not point to an ending where all 3 parties will be happy. In my opinion it takes a 'special' kinda man to leave his pregnant girlfriend. My advice? Leave him. You've only been together for a few weeks, this is a horrible situation to be involved in, and that feeling of jealousy you have when you witness their 'bond'?? If you feel it in your gut, don't ignore it. Lol, flee..

Sorry this is so damn long, but it was pretty recent and I speak first hand. In the end he is always late with the small amount of support he is supposed to pay, and always late to visit his son. Overall, he's just not a great guy. You're just about right on when you spoke of putting yourself in the ex's shoes. None of this is probably worth your trouble at all.

(Hey peeps ^_^ been a while...)