I love her... But I just can't seem to get through this

[haderach]

Hey, I am here as a lover, as a man but most of all as a human.

I started dating this girl, we've been dating for almost 4 months now and we're in love. We have so much in common and its the first time I thought, wow she might be the one. The thing is we have an age difference. I am 22 she's 17 (its legal in canada lol her family approve of me too, but its an important piece of information). So everything was going perfect until she did the one thing I didn't want her to do and told her it would be the worst thing ever to do to me.
Ok before we dated she made out with this guy who's in her circle of friends, a couple of times. After we started dating she told me he tried to kiss her once and she rejected him telling him she had a boyfriend now. I'm a very jealous and possesive guy and that freaking pissed me off but I was like oh whatever. Then one time I went apple picking with her and her friends and she told me the guy would be there. I said it's cool. The same night we all went to my gf place cause her parents werent home so we had a party. She got too drunk, she was trying to kiss her girl friends cause shes bi and she knows I dont care if she does anything with girls. So I go to check up on her in the kitchen and see her try to kiss her friend, and right after turn around a kiss The guy on the lips. Not a french kiss just a kiss. Ok she was way too drunk and didnt know what she was doing but thats the worst thing to do to me.

I got ****ing mad took her aside told her what she just did and she cried A LOT. She said she'd do anything to make it up to me. I told her first I don't want you to ever get drunk without me again (which she did cause she wanted to go to a party that I couldnt go with her) and seconde, that she never speaks to the guy again. She agreed but didnt follow any of the rules cause that guy is friend with all her friends and sometimes he says hi to her and she says she cant be as mean as not answer. And she says that if I cant go to a party with her she'll go anyways cause she wants to live her life.

She loves me I know it and won't go cheat on me but I just don't trust her when shes drunk anymore. And the worst thing is that she's having another party at her place this saturday and the guy will be there!!!!! I told her I didnt want him to be invited to her house again but she said all of her other friends will be pissed at her if she doesnt invite him and what they think is more important than what I think. We had an argument last night about it.

Anyways I could have forgiven her about kissing another guy at my face but the fact that he's still around makes me not be able to forget and pisses me off at the same time. As I am writing this all im thinking about is either break up with her or tell her if she ever speaks to him again even a hello or invite him at her house Ill break up with her. I havent been the perfect boyfriend, Ive hurted her feelings in the past by saying stupid things but never kissed another girl at her face.
So what should I do knowing that I tried to forget but just CANT.

We love eachother so much tho... I would really regret it if I break up with her for that...

[Cerby]

You're jealous and posessive. Can you tell me why you don't think its cheating if she kisses girls? If she finds them attractive then its probably cheating by definition. My gf is bi and she wouldn't go around kissing other girls.

She is 17, you're 22, you've been legal drinking age for 3 years, she isn't even there yet. 5 years is a big difference when you're at different stages of life, you having graduated, likely close to done university or working full time, her still in high school working out her prospects etc.

If you can't trust her, then don't invest any more time in her, you saw her kiss someone else, so who is to say she doesn't get more drunk and do much worse? I'd probably just walk away from this one, 4 months is nothing. But you don't sound like you have a lot of dating experience, so I'm sure you'll stick it out and have a huge fight with her this weekend after the party. Good Luck!

[Joemama]

First stop being possessive, only reason it's semi working is because she is young and naive. She kissed the guy you either cut her loose or believe her it won't happen again. The way you threw out orders to her is not right either. You cannot control her entire existence an the fact you are trying/tried to is sad. If you don't want her to be alone at parties go with her. 4 months in a relationship doesn't really give you any ground to start throwing out demands like you did, keep it up and she's gonna leave you man. To be honest you have more problems than she does and you need to fix them before you can have a healthy relationship. At 17 she's gonna be a little dumb like every other 17 year old and if you believe her about it won't happen again let it go with her promise.

[haderach]

Well im not that possessive I guess just jealous. And true I've never been in a long time relationship before. But its not that I don't trust her it's that I cant seem to forget the fact that she kissed someone else at my face because the guy is still around.
She asked me what can I do to make you forgive me and I told her that. I'm not trying to control her more like trying to forget what she did. And she has stopped kissing girls since that party but thats not the point here.
I do trust her cause I know she loves me a lot it shows but... in a way I just cant seem to forget/forgive...

[haderach]

But here in montreal the legal age to drink is 18

[oldskool83]

17 and 22, 2 more numbers that done mix. i wont even talk to anyone under 21...i consider then kids and you cant do a thing with them out

[bcgirl]

sorry to say but this relationship won't last till the end. She is only 17 yrs old. She is doing what many 17 yr olds do. Immature things. Party, get wasted, make-out with people. If she stayed with you for a few more years, she will have the itch sooner or later to explore other males or females. At her age she is getting to know her own body, explore her sexuality. Reflect back when you were in highschool....enough said. Best is to search for someone in college. Someone who have already been through the stage of getting wasted drunk and feeling the urge to make-out with anyone because at that age it's "cool". When you get more experience and wise, you will know that a 4 month relationship is just a blink of an eye. It's not like you've invested 4 yrs.

[haderach]

My friends already told me that but they can see that I love her. And should I miss out on a possible long term relationship because of age. It does scare me because I'm also afraid that she'll wake up one day and want to experience other things but thats a risk I was willing to take until I saw her kiss a guy at my face.... I want to forgive her, I told her I did, But my heart clearly didnt. I know 4 months is nothing but I want to think now before its been a year or two then realize I wasted my time. Oh well I guess it was a stupid question to ask to begin with since only I can figure this out.

[haderach]

``sorry to say but this relationship won't last till the end. She is only 17 yrs old. She is doing what many 17 yr olds do. Immature things. Party, get wasted, make-out with people. If she stayed with you for a few more years, she will have the itch sooner or later to explore other males or females. At her age she is getting to know her own body, explore her sexuality. Reflect back when you were in highschool....enough said. Best is to search for someone in college. Someone who have already been through the stage of getting wasted drunk and feeling the urge to make-out with anyone because at that age it's "cool". When you get more experience and wise, you will know that a 4 month relationship is just a blink of an eye. It's not like you've invested 4 yrs.``

Thats exactly what I'm afraid of, but how can I break up because of that. She tells me she loves me and will never want someone else. It's like in minority report, to break up for something that hasnt yet happened, is it right? How do I know im not making a mistake and that she could have been the women of my life

[bulrush]

1. She's 17.
2. 17 year olds mostly do foolish things. Get used to it.
3. 17 year olds are immature.
4. Kissing on the lips is an intimate and romantic action. It IS cheating.
5. She seems to use "getting drunk" as an excuse to explore other guys. That's the way she is. You can't change her, so dump her or get used to it. She's in an exploration phase right now.

[haderach]

To come back to my original question, The way I see it is if she invites him to her party knowing that it pisses me off means I'm not a priority. The reason shes inviting him is because if she says her other friends will be pissed at her and talk shit behind her back.... well I don't give a damn about that. If her friends can't understand that she doest want to invite the guy whos pretty much destroying her relationship, then her friends are freaking retarded.

Am I right to get mad that shes inviting him after she kissed him in that very same house! She says Im the one whose wrong....

Anyways it just sucks that me and her are in love because I would just break up with her, but then I know i'll regret it...

[Joemama]

No as she said he's a friend and you already know/knew about him being a friend, what your asking her is to give up one of her friends for a possessive and controlling boyfriend. You should not have to give up any part of your life except time and love for your bf/gf unless you decide it on your own.

You have been dating for 4 months and you already are trying to make her change stuff about herself. The only thing you were right in doing is getting upset about the situation. You told her you forgive her or however you made up with her about it but truly you haven't. You honestly need I work on your own problems. I'm not trying to be mean in anyway either, it's just i used to be like that and it took me awhile to realize it and I wish someone would have told me this.

[haderach]

A friend that she kissed...
I know I have a problem but how can you fix being jealous? And I'm only jealous when it comes to the guy she kissed at my face. If it didnt make me upset that she did that I think THEN there would be something wrong with me. So I should just accept the guy and move on.... I know I have to do that but no matter what my brain says my heart just won't follow.

Im in constant suffering with her but worse is that I know this pain will be far worse if I leave her (which is what I want but just can't bring myself to do)

So I am wrong to not want the guy in her life no more?

[Cerby]

A friend that she kissed...
I know I have a problem but how can you fix being jealous? And I'm only jealous when it comes to the guy she kissed at my face. If it didnt make me upset that she did that I think THEN there would be something wrong with me. So I should just accept the guy and move on.... I know I have to do that but no matter what my brain says my heart just won't follow.

Im in constant suffering with her but worse is that I know this pain will be far worse if I leave her (which is what I want but just can't bring myself to do)

So I am wrong to not want the guy in her life no more?

You're wrong to expect her to change her friends and lifestyle for you. Telling her who she can and can't invite to a party is also tough, especially if it is the guy she kissed in front of you.

The truth is that you need to get out because this is going to get worse over time, she might not do it again, but your faith and trust will always be bruised because of this. If you want out, just end it and get the hurt over with, its much better than dragging it out, trust me.

[Joemama]

It's not that you shouldn't be upset, you have all the right in the world to do that but you have had your fight over it And I'm pretty sure you made her feel that your no longer fighting over that. Not that it's not a touchy subject but I doubt you two haven't made up over the situation. After you make up you can't continue to hold it against her and that's what is going on.

Jealousy is a hard thing to overcome. It comes with self esteem issues on yourself, you need to be confident that your the better man for her in every aspect than the other guy. I suggest you just talk to her about your problems don't demand she change but try to get her to understand your frustration. Maybe If you can keep a cool head and not blow your lid talk to him about it to, but if you have the slightest doubt don't do it as it only will make things worse.