How can I trust my girlfriend again?

[IchBinJebraken]

So, I've been with my girlfriend for a little over two years, I'm 23 and she's 21. We've been living with each other for a year and a half. Like any relationship it has it's ups and downs. We have a lot of problems, and I'm really at a loss for each one. I'll try to explain them all without this being too lengthy.

So, we've been arguing a lot. It got really bad in two months ago, so bad that we broke up. It happened 3 days before her birthday and she was turning 21. The reason we broke up is because she wanted to "test the waters"(She had already been talking to another guy named "C" for quite sometime) so, we break up and I let her do just that. While we were broken up, being the person that I am. I let her stay in my apartment(She is having financial troubles). Till she found a new one. Against all sense, I went to her 21st birthday party, which she has been planning since we started going out.

When I got there I saw the guy who she had been flirting and talking to, it hurt that she was so close with this guy already. But, I had to man up throughout it all and watch **** no guy should watch while their ex was drunk. I was calm, I was collect, and I even talked to him. When I left, it apparently got worse. She got super drunk and they started kissing, but, I just rationalized it. We're broken up, she's drunk, not her fault. So, since we still lived with each other. We saw each other every day. But, I came to grips with losing her, slowly. I told myself that she's going to start a new life and pursue a relationship with this guy. It was hard. But, I was ready to go down that path. Anyways, one Saturday when she was hanging out with this guy. She texts me "I have something good to tell you." So, I wait around the whole day till she gets home. And she tells me that she wants to be with me. She tells me the reasons she can't see herself in a long term relationship with this new guy and tells me that she wants to keep ours going. So, naturally she tells the other guy that she's going to stick with me and work it out. He has an emotional breakdown and hates her for a few days. In those days, WHILE WE'RE BARELY BACK TOGETHER, she constantly texts him and chases him. I ask her why she is doing so and she says it's because she still wants to be friends with him. I just can't understand it. She goes to GREAT lengths to stay friends with this guy, even going as far as lying to him about her interests. What's worse, she spares his feelings and hurts mine. I guess the core of my shaken trust is her friendship with this guy. They see each other alone, they text each other A LOT(Even in front of me) and they bought each other Christmas presents(She didn't even bother telling me that). So, what do I do?

We also have had no sex since we got back together. Before she met this guy, it was dwindling
For many reasons. She just told me recently that she feels ugly and that she feels fat and depressed. So, that might be the root. And I'm trying to fix it by working out with her, watching our diets, etc. But, she doesn't seem to want to lose weight as much as she says she does. But, that might be cause she's depressed. We're going to see a doctor together next week. To see what's up. Hormone imbalance. Whatever.

Anyways, so that's my story. There's much more than that, but that's pretty much all the bases. I can elaborate more if needed

Additional Details:

I don't treat her bad and visa versa(Physically and emotionally). And we're happy for the most part. According to all her friends, I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had. But, I don't want to give her up. It just feels like she wants to give me up. Which is why I am so desperate for an answer.

When we got back together I told her that I don't see her as the girl who doesn't want to be with anyone besides me anymore. She tells me that she wants to show me that she can be that girl again...

I forgot to add that I think the root of her depression is that her dad died when she was a pubescent girl(12 or 13 years old), and that her past boyfriends physically and sexually abused her.
We're going to the doctors/psychiatrist next week so we'll see what happens then.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Save yourself the headache and walk away. You can't fix her, and she doesn't want to fix the problem. She also isn't attracted to you. Cut her loose and cease all contact. If she wants you back she'll get in touch, but I doubt she does. Move on.

[surfhb]

Jesus dude! WTF are moving in with some chick at your age? Guys like youneed to be slapped around. You should be bangin ton of girls at this point

[Hookahmike]

The relationship has run its course, she wants out, dhe wsnts that guy, but dhed too afraid of change to actuslly end it. Keeping this going is just besting a dead hourse. I know from experiance that if ty ou dont like what tead youll just ignore it, hell its what I did with my ex. But be warned shes not back because she wanrs to be with you shes tgere out of fear.

[bulrush]

I think she wants to sleep with this other guy, which is why she keeps wanted to be "friends" with him. She also wants you to be there as the "backup boyfriend". Welcome to second place, friend.

You can't fix her, as she is not motivated to fix herself. You will soon get sick of her lack of action, and the fights will get more and more frequent as frustration builds. Good luck.

[HeartIsAching]

Sounds to me as if she's an attention whore, and you were Alternate Fallback Plan "B".

[intrigue]

She's using you and doesn't respect you. Get rid of her and find a girl that does.

[bcgirl]

She is young....you both are! But she obviously wants to explore her other options which is very normal at that age. She tested the waters (other guys) to make sure she isn't "missing out" on anything. She may say she wants to get back together with you only because you two have history together and she doesn't want to totally lose you, but she wants to explore other guys as well. She wants her cake and eat it too. What you need to do is actually be brave enough to cut the cord for her. If you stay, you are going to be the one who gets hurt in the relationship. She will most likely end up cheating on you. Go no contact, no friends BS, no living together BS. Allow her to f*ck, kiss, date all the guys she wants so it's out of her system. Then when she's out of that phase in a couple years, perhaps you two will find each other again. Nice guys always finish last....

[IchBinJebraken]

Thanks for the replies. I was thinking of giving her a little more time to sort things out. Good or bad?

[alwaystryin]

Bad. She's young and indecisive. Don't stick around and torture yourself by sitting on the sidelines while she's busy doing her. As you are young as well, you should afford yourself the same. It's obviously gonna take more than a little time for her to 'sort things out'. Keep it movin'...

[bcgirl]

^ agreed. What's the point in giving her time so she can party and date guys and get it out of her system while you wait for her by the phone stressing out. The two of you need to break up and have A LOT of time to sort things out. Try at least a year...

[MynameisJesus]

I estimate there's a 70% chance that your "girlfriend" lied to you when she said she chose you.
She has financial problems, therefore it's beneficial for her to live at your place.
She knows she'll have to move out very soon if she choses for the other guy.

So her solution is to lie about her secret relationship with the other guy. The fact that you haven't had sex with her lately points in that direction too.
I'm not advocating that you should read her text messages to him, but I'm pretty positive that they have a romantic content.
You are a backup lover, a plan B.

I really don't see why you even went to her party, and why you talked to this guy.
You are way too nice, opening doors for people to take advantage of you and they do so to the maximum extent.
You are being used.

Tell your girlfriend to either break all contact with that guy and chose for you, or chose for him if she wants to. Not both

[MynameisJesus]

She is young....you both are! But she obviously wants to explore her other options which is very normal at that age

Agreed

She will most likely end up cheating on you. Go no contact, no friends BS, no living together BS. Allow her to f*ck, kiss, date all the guys she wants so it's out of her system. Then when she's out of that phase in a couple years, perhaps you two will find each other again. Nice guys always finish last....

I wonder what the average guy on this forum thinks about that.
Allow her to f^ck other guys and run back in the end.
It's like you're passing your hamburger to 4 guys. They eat all the meat and you get the rest back in the end.
I'm not interested

[MynameisJesus]

The relationship has run its course, she wants out, dhe wsnts that guy, but dhed too afraid of change to actuslly end it. Keeping this going is just besting a dead hourse. I know from experiance that if ty ou dont like what tead youll just ignore it, hell its what I did with my ex. But be warned shes not back because she wanrs to be with you shes tgere out of fear.

I don't know who taught you how to write but that teacher should be fired

[bcgirl]

^ She's 20 years old. The odds that she will sleep with 4 more guys in her lifetime before settling down to "the one" and get married are very high. I believe the average number of sex partners a female in North America will have in her lifetime is something like 8-10. Generally a girl is less likely to settle and marry her first love that she met when she was 18 yrs old. My statement only suggests that the OP needs to let her go and explore, because if you don't....her curiousity about other guys are just going to build up and she will cheat behind his back. Perhaps when the right time comes again, if it was meant to be.....the two of them will find each other and hit it off again.