The Final Move (Important)

[ksmit]

CASH REWARD FOR DEEP/OUTSTANDING CONTRIBUTORS

My question is very important to me so I'm putting it first if you don't want to read all the history. I've decided to give my coworker chick one more chance so I can know for sure whether to move on or not. I would rather take a rejection than wonder for the rest of my life what could have been if I had done something.

Next time I have a private conversation with her, I want to express the following, but don't know how best to encode/translate in a way that would sweep her off her feet. Since this will be my final move on her, PLEASE HELP WITH THIS so I can maximize my chances. If I can know I gave it my best shot, regardless to outcome I will be content.

• I realize the mistakes I made, sorry about them, and won't make them again
• I am capable of being the romantic she desires
• I want to start fresh with a new beginning
• I can be BOLD (tempted to surprise kiss her!)

This girl and I have never really had a serious conversation face to face, EVER. The relatively deeper topics were always via email. It was always safe small talk even including all our dates. After the recent drama however, I feel like the ice between us has finally broken.

Many thanks in advance.

History

In a nut shell, I was dating a coworker for a few months over the summer (4 dates). We were both really into each other, but I was always too nervous to make a move. Needless to say, she became frustrated and starting acting weird around me immediately the day after the 4th date (still no kiss/romance). I sensed trouble so I told her I liked her to dispel any doubts. Next time I asked her out, she flaked out on me.

About a week later, I message her in the evening saying I think we got off on the wrong foot and hope she'll let me take her out again (I know, lame thing to say). Next day, BAM, she surprise visits my desk in the AM with a sly smile all happy to see me (rarely visits). So I'm thinking great, she'll give me another shot. Throughout the week I start visiting her a lot, showing way too much affection, orbiting, etc (oops). I ask her for a simple walk one day and she makes an excuse not to. From then on, she cuts all communication with me with zero contact. We went from emailing, texting, talking, visiting virtually every day, to nothing for about 3 weeks.

I pass by her desk a few times (not to talk) and I can tell she's squeamish and very uncomfortable with my presence. Watery eyes and a very upset look on her face. It's like she feels incredibly awkward around me and doesn't know what to do or say. Or feels really bad for rejecting me cause I've been nothing but sweet to her. Regardless, there was a lot of drama and discomfort between us.

About a week later, I walk by her desk and she stops me to talk. She offers to make me a new recipe she discovered. I asked her how much she wanted for it jokingly and she said my "enjoyment" would be enough payment for her in a flirtatious/shy mannerism. For the following 2 days she was trying hard to please me while I regrettably kinda brushed her off. For the whole next month (which is today), she's been walking by my room trying to entice me several times a week and I keep ignoring her. I can guarantee she is going out of her way to get my attention. One of the times she even stopped in to talk.

Scroll back up to see my question. I want to find out what her intentions are in the most attractive manner in case she's willing to give me another chance.

[devonbrown]

Okay, I will give this a shot...

Your final move should go like this - Do nothing. Nothing at all. First of all, dating someone at work is never a good idea. It causes stress and drama and could negatively effect your work to the point where one of both of you will be let go. Trust me, I have seen it happen. Second, you are interpreting all of her actions based upon your interest in her, and not in an objective way. Third, you went out on a few dates with her, there is really no need for any sort of deep, serious conversation. And finally, just randomly kissing her like that is paramount to sexual harrassment/hostile work environment, even if you do it outside of work. Maybe you should run this plan past your HR department first.

It didn't work out. You tried dating her and it didn't work out. It is time to cut your losses and move on.

[ksmit]

I was afraid you would say that. Fortunately we don't actually work "together", but we reside in the same building. We never have to see each other unless we choose to. She still means a lot to me and I'd love to be with her. It would be easier to move on if I reached some sort of closure, even if it means rejection.